


Engineering a New Path

by Ergo_Prologue



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Akuze, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Eden Prime, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Engineer - Freeform, Gen, Nihlus Lives, Paragade (Mass Effect), Renegon (Mass Effect), Shepard framed for murder, ace!Shepard, beacon chooses someone else, everyone has a bad day, neutral
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:15:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 57,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23053069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ergo_Prologue/pseuds/Ergo_Prologue
Summary: An anxiety ridden engineer, who ran into a thresher maw at the wrong place at the wrong time, is promoted to commander and pushed forward as a specter candidate against his will. He is neither saint nor sinner- he’s Travis Shepard, the IT guy with a gun. Can he change the tides of fate?Earther/Sole Survivor/Very TiredIn this universe, persuasiveness is separated from the paragon/renegade system and characters’ classes effect how they interact with the world to make them more nuanced. NPCs also get more agency within combat and the story itself. Shepard’s tactics are inspired by the Muderbot Diaries by Martha Wells. This is my first fan fiction I’ve decided to post. Enjoy!
Comments: 38
Kudos: 20





	1. The Interview

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anderson and Udina are having trouble finding, and agreeing on, a candidate. Commander Shepard is pushed forward for being levelheaded, without opinion, and compliant, but once the captain and ambassador show up to interview him, he is anything but. Faced with an unusual case of self sabotage, should Anderson and Udina push to find the real Shepard lying underneath?

When they were looking for a human specter candidate, the Council and the Alliance wanted someone levelheaded, neutral, and above all, discreet. On paper, Shepard was just that. And that made both Anderson and Udina nervous. 

Udina liked the idea of someone who wasn’t polarizing, especially if they wanted a human specter. But he didn’t trust someone with no obvious leanings, it made Shepard unpredictable. He wasn’t a soldier from a line of Alliance loyalists or a biotic sympathetic to the L2s, he was just an engineer of no notable background; an orphan earther who made it to space. Did engineer’s even know how to use guns? Can’t shoot the wrong person if you can’t shoot, at least. But everyone burns with a passion for something, Shepard must just be better at hiding it.

Anderson didn’t like Shepard because he wasn’t polarizing, he was standard issue Alliance, his greatest achievement was not dying on Akuze. As bland as sand, maybe even a coward. He doubted Shepard was passionate enough to go beyond the call of duty, to take a bold stand on the galactic stage that conspired against humanity. 

But Udina and Anderson couldn’t agree on anyone else; the other candidates were either too idealistic or too cutthroat, too straight edged or too rebellious. Shepard was a nebulous unknown that neither liked, but agreed to interview him anyway. Perhaps they could coax out whatever saint or sinner lay within. 

What they didn’t know was that there was a reason Shepard didn’t want to stand out.

Anderson and Udina weren’t sure what to make of Shepard when they walked into the conference room. He was already seated across the table, waiting, pale and sickly. He must not get out of the engineering bay much. He was tall but skinny, gangly even; not exactly an imposing figure with his slumped posture. His bleached hair was messy and unkempt, a brown stubble in bloom across his jaw. He didn’t seem proud, excited, or nervous. He was quiet. He didn’t stand to salute, address their names, or shake their hands, but gave them both a silent nod, like he was there to interview them. Udina was unnerved, but Anderson was intrigued. Perhaps Shepard was not as standard issue as they believed. They both sat down across from him, a chair in between Anderson and Udina because of course. Udina cleared his throat to break the silence.

“Commander Shepard, you realize we’re here to assess your potential for a mission of great importance, correct?” asked Udina. Anderson hated the way he rolled his r’s, it was needlessly grandiose and artificial, much like Udina himself. 

“Yes,” said Shepard. And that was it. No ‘yes, sir,’ or ‘thank you for this opportunity, sir’, just... just ‘yes’. Udina was turning red at the disrespect, decorum was his specialty and sustenance. Anderson was amused by Udina’s ego being bruised, but he hoped it was a brief gimmick. Anderson smiled and said, “Commander Shepard, do you-.”

“Just Shepard, please.”

Anderson paused, mentally crossed Shepard off his list, and continued, “Do you know who we are, Commander Shepard?” 

“I do, but I don’t know what I’m doing here,” said Shepard. Then Anderson noticed the circles under his eyes, the hollowness of his posture as his shoulders started to cave inward, and the blankness in which he regarded them with. 

“Frankly, Commander Shepard, neither do we, this was a waste of our time,” said Udina with clear disgust. Anderson held up a hand, cutting him off.

“What’s your first name, son?” asked Anderson, leaning forward with his hands clasped on the table.

“...Travis,” Shepard answered reluctantly.

“Travis. It’s not everyday an engineer becomes a commander, Travis. The promotion not sit right on your shoulders, yet?” 

Shepard looked down at the table, his eyes unfocusing, and said, “It’s not everyday your whole team dies.” When he looked up he added dryly, “Getting promoted because everyone else is dead is not exactly something to be proud of, sir.” 

Udina shifted in his seat uncomfortably, opening his data pad to go through Shepard’s file again. He had cleared his psych evaluation, but perhaps he had regressed since then. Anderson got the feeling the young man sitting in front of them was insulted by their offer. Anderson realized he would have been, too, if he were in Shepard’s shoes. He rethought his approach.

“We intended no offense to your fallen comrades,” said Anderson and gave Udina a pointed look. 

“Of course not,” Udina started, face draining of color. “That was not at all our intention, Comm- ah, Shepard.” He laid out his palms openly, taking on a sympathetic tone, “It’s unfortunate that those brave men and women lost their lives. But,” Udina held up a finger. “Not all survivors of such skirmishes automatically rise in rank. There is merit to your new position, you wouldn’t have been promoted otherwise.”

“Ambassador Udina is right,” said Anderson, which he absolutely hated saying. “Not everyone can stay collected under pressure, Travis.” He heard the next sentence he was going to say echo in his head; an epiphany. “Not everyone has what it takes to keep going when the odds are stacked against them.”

“Why do you believe you were promoted?” asked Udina. “Your squad’s untimely deaths aside, there must be a reason your name was pushed forward to us.” Not the most finessed question, he thought, but the commander wasn’t exactly playing ball with him. Shepard winced and said, “Caution and patience, sir, though I haven’t displayed either since we started this interview.”

“Indeed,” Udina noted disdainfully. Anderson frowned at him and then said to Shepard, “I understand that using Akuze as a career stepping stone feels wrong, but we need a commander that won’t freeze when the mission goes sideways.”

Shepard didn’t say anything. He rubbed the back of his neck, his face twisting into a grimace. He was wavering, Udina could see it. All the commander needed was a push. So he asked, “If you’d been in charge of your squad instead of Lieutenant Commander Skylar, do you think things would have ended differently?”

Shepard sat up straighter in his seat, his dark eyes trained on Udina. “The only difference would have been the order we died in, sir.”

“Only? Are you sure?” asked Udina. He might have pushed the commander in the wrong direction, but he was curious to see where this would go. Shepard felt his jaw get tight, but he wrenched it open to reply, “Over reliance on tech like long range scanners has made us overconfident. We saw the beacon from over a mile away; there was no abandoned transport next to it or crashed ship. Anyone with eyes could see it was bad news, but that didn’t change the mission objective. I asked to scout around the area, see if anyone was waiting to ambush us. But our ship had aerial view, nothing was showing up around the beacon or on the scanner.”

“You didn’t trust the readings?” asked Anderson.

“Of course not, you’d be surprised by how unreliable and vulnerable even military grade tech can be, Captain,” said Shepard, a little more lively now. Udina made a mental note. “It requires constant calibration and fine tuning, if it could do it by itself that would be grand, but that’s how you get rogue AI.” Shepard settled back into his seat, a dark cloud crossing his features.

“Not that scouting would have helped. The surrounding area was too much to cover with just our crew. Maybe if we’d had two transports, we could have circled around the beacon and drawn out the worm. Since one transport would have been attacked by the thresher maw, the other one could have had time to get away and fire from a distance. But it’s standard to just use one transport.”

“You have to make do with what you’re given, son,” said Anderson cooly. Shepard furrowed his brow and continued, “True. We could have split up the crew instead. Half the crew could have stayed behind at the perimeter in the transport while the other half went ahead to the beacon. We would have had to go in and save the rest of our crew anyway, but at least we would have had time to maneuver and fire at the thresher maw. But, again, as long as nothing picks up on the scanners it’s standard to approach anyway. And no one likes being out in the open that long, especially if there could be an ambush. I don’t blame Lieutenant Commander Skylar for just driving in, hindsight is twenty twenty after all. She couldn’t have known there was a thresher maw waiting for us.”

“How is it that you managed to survive the attack?” asked Udina. “You were in the same transport, after all.” Shepard gave him a rueful smile, “Pure dumb luck at first, Ambassador, then patience second.”

“Care to explain?” prodded Udina.

“If you want to,” added Anderson. Shepard clasped a hand around the other, absently cracking his knuckles. A nervous tick. He let his hands rest in his lap and started talking about the worst day of his life.


	2. Akuze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Travis Shepard, an engineer, must outsmart a thresher maw with a broken MAKO and whatever loose items he can find inside before an electric storm hits.

Shepard was always patient. You had to be when dealing with system errors, glitches, and hacking ancient alien beacons older than dust. Recovery of lost technology; that was their mission statement. 

Not everyone can wait, not everyone could be still for hours at a time. That’s what made him an excellent tech specialist. It also made him an excellent sniper, an oddity among the other engineers who could only boast being decent with a pistol. He could wait until the sun went down and came up again, unbothered. 

He had waited in the transport, pressed against the inner frame. The hull was torn open and his crew had been ripped from their seats, belts and all. He looked up at the ruined seats hanging above him, crouching on the ceiling of the overturned MAKO. He could occasionally hear the thresher maw churning through the soil. 

Shepard had been in the seat next to the driver, he was there to assist with medical support and fix the MAKO if needed. The driver, Lieutenant Commander Skylar, got a giant blue tongue to the chest when the worm first shot up from the ground. She died fast, at least. Shepard got out his pistol (not sniper rifle; he wasn’t licensed) and shot the worm when it slung the MAKO up into the sky, it’s tongue searching the compartment. It won him a rough landing as the worm recoiled. 

He took a nasty bump to the head, knocking him out for a solid forty minutes. When he woke up, it took him a hot second to collect himself and get the MAKO to stop angrily beeping about the breach. A difficult task as the blood had rushed to his head while he hung upside down. The MAKO received some roughhousing as the worm hissed at the beeping inside until it stopped. He waited it until it got bored and slithered back into the ground before moving. He braced his legs against the front console and had one hand on the ceiling, now floor, of the MAKO. He unbuckled himself slowly and eased himself down from the seat, as quiet as a mouse. 

Shepard brought up his omni tool, assessing the damage to the MAKO. The top cannon was so bent out of shape, if he tried to use the damn thing it would literally backfire. The mini gun was fairing better, but firing it would attract attention and it wasn’t strong enough to kill the worm before it reached the MAKO. He tried to radio in the ship but all he got was static. He wondered if they could see what happened to the MAKO from above. He leaned down, looking out the shredded hull. Heavy cloud cover. Shit. They knew a storm was coming in, but they had wanted to answer the distress call issued by the beacon. Rescue was their top priority. There was also no back up team. Just the ship itself.

Shepard crawled over to the emergency kit, unearthing their own beacon. Not that he wanted the ship to land ass first on a giant man eating worm. He needed to get away from the MAKO. If he wasn’t careful, the tremor from his footsteps would attract it and he would be dead in a heartbeat. Recovering his teammates would also be impossible. Dragging a body behind him would alert the worm, and carrying anyone conscious was out of the question unless they were paralyzed from the neck down. Screams of pain would get them both killed. Then there was the amount of oxygen he had. Over do it and he’d run out. It was just supposed be a short ride to the beacon, nothing more, why would they need a day’s worth of oxygen? 

He needed to increase the distance between him and the worm. How sensitive was a thresher maw to the sound of footsteps? He didn’t know. Shepard brought out his omni tool again. The cannon could only be fired from inside of the MAKO. That is, unless he hacked the shit out of it. You wouldn’t want the enemy to fire your gun for you, now would you? Technically, the cannon could be used through a wireless network; the ship ran diagnostics on the MAKO when loaded up in the cargo bay. He just needed to do the same thing by tricking the MAKO into thinking it was back inside the ship. Not that he knew how to do that. Keeping his breathing calm and steady, he began the painstaking process of combing through all the MAKO’s procedures for docked diagnostics.

He simulated a situation in which the ship was compromised and couldn’t siphon power, allowing diagnostics to be run manually instead of automatically by the ship’s internal systems. Shepard didn’t know the specific name of the cannon’s firing mechanism and associated functions, so he had to go through, individually, piece by piece, every god damn function the MAKO had. That meant every switch, every button, all the hydraulics, repair protocols that couldn’t do diddly about the hole in the side of the MAKO, and miscellaneous functions that Shepard was sure served an important purpose but weren’t what he needed.

It took him an hour.

It was a switchboard function from the battery to the cannon to test how much energy was lost in the process of loading a missile. It would mechanically load a shot, but wouldn’t fire. Normally you don’t want your MAKO to fire an armor piercing missile inside your space ship. To get it to fire, Shepard would use another diagnostic test that measured the firing mechanism’s lag after being triggered, letting the hammer kick the missile that was in place and shoot it. Except the cannon’s barrel was bent, so the missile would detonate inside it, destroying the MAKO. As according to plan. The only problem was Shepard didn’t know how far he could be from the MAKO without loosing connection to it from his omni tool. If he could get far from the MAKO without being eaten first, of course.

He reached for the med kit and opened it. Varying syringes, spray on bandages, clinking bottles of medicine and everything else he’d memorized was all there. It broke his heart to do it, but he started throwing the individual items from lightest to heaviest out the MAKO and onto the ground as far as he could. He could use a sniper rifle, sure, but his throwing arm sucked. After tossing a bone saw, the ground rumbled closer to the MAKO than he liked. So he waited again until he thought the thresher maw lost interest. 

Another hour. 

He looked at his oxygen levels. Still more than half. The clouds above were heavy and dark. A bolt of lighting crackled across the sky. Oh. Oh no. He did not want to be in an unsecured metal box when the lighting hit.

He scooted to the edge of the opening and looked out across the plain. Rolling hills. No obvious place to hide. He rooted around and found a collapsible shovel; he’d have to make a shelter. He strapped the shovel to his back and the beacon to his leg, hoping neither slowed him down too much. Shepard didn’t like this, any of this really, but he didn’t have a choice. He gingerly stepped outside, took the med kit, and chucked it over the other side of the MAKO. The ground started to rumble before the kit even hit it, the rattle of bottles and other things agitating the worm. Shepard legged it, sprinting with his eyes on his omni tool as he heard the worm breach the surface. He loaded the cannon and pressed the firing function. Nothing, he almost tripped but kept running, he tapped the firing function repeatedly until he heard a muffled explosion. Someone hadn’t calibrated for the lag recently. 

Bits of metal started hitting the ground next to him, which he tried not to let bother him until he heard the whistling of something bigger heading towards him. Don’t look. Don’t do it. He suppressed the impulse and felt a shockwave under his feet as the rest of the MAKO smashed into the soil just a few meters behind him. He choked on a laugh and kept going, clambering up a hill with he hands and feet. 

When he got to the top, he looked over his shoulder to see the thresher maw twisting around the MAKO, screeching as it cracked the metal frame. Crunchy. Thunder boomed above him, the crack of lightning intensifying. Shepard slid down the hill and ran until he couldn’t stand being out in the open anymore. He found the crest of another hill and dug himself a shallow cave. He stuck the shovel thirty meters away in the dirt as a lightning rod and ran back to his shelter.

After settling in, Shepard checked his oxygen. Less than a fourth. He gasped, fear getting the best of him. How long would the storm last? Was he even far away enough from the worm? He knew he was breathing too fast and tried to stop himself. He almost had it under control until he heard lightning strike ground a hill away. He gritted his teeth and suppressed a scream. Shaking like a leaf, he took out the beacon he strapped to his leg. It had a nasty slash through it, probably from the MAKO’s shrapnel. Well, he thought to himself, at least it didn’t slash through the artery in his thigh. But it was hard to be optimistic when his chance of survival was broken. All his tools were in the MAKO, so he couldn’t exactly fix it. 

“This sucks,” he said out loud and chuckled. He hugged the beacon like a teddy bear and, not too surprisingly, passed out from exhaustion.


	3. Dirt Nap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We know our engineer will survive Akuze, but will his rescuers?

“I found one!”

Shepard woke up with a rude jolt to the shoulder. Blinking his eyes into focus, he saw a black shape morf in front of a strong light. Looking into his little cave was a helmet.

“Are you okay?” asked the helmet in a shaky male voice. Unfamiliar. Shepard tried to say something, but could only croak out half a noise. His throat was dry and scratchy.

“What’s your name?” asked the helmet. Shepard heard another person walking towards his cave. Dazed, he remembered the MAKO being torn apart by the worm. In a sudden panic, he reached for the helmet, his arm quivering and weak. 

“Thresh,” his voice cracked. The helmet retracted as another helmet came into view. He cleared his throat and said in a ghost of his own voice, “Thresher maw.” The second helmet reached in to grab him.

“Are you hurt anywhere?” a confident feminine voice with an Indian accent.

“Thresher maw!” squawked Shepard, clasping onto the woman’s arm and pushing out of his cave. She pulled him out onto the hill as she started barking orders over the radio. Shepard didn’t register anything, too dehydrated to focus. He brought up his omni tool and saw his oxygen was way too low. He sagged to the ground, his legs buckling under him with no one to catch him. Where did the woman go? That’s when he felt a tremor. Sound faded out as he spread his fingers into the dirt. The vibration was getting stronger, closer. His head started swimming as he hyperventilated. 

Then the ground zoomed away from him, a force digging into his gut as it pulled him upwards. He choked on a scream. But then he saw a pair of legs underneath him pounding away at the dirt. He was being carried fireman style. Each jolt of the woman’s stride hit painfully into his stomach, making it even harder to breathe. Shepard looked up at the horizon. A line of soldiers were falling back, staring ahead with assault rifles at the ready. A ridge formed in the dirt, the ground cracking before them as something pushed up.

“Now!” shouted the woman. The line of soldiers let one hand go of their rifles and threw something just as the worm breached. It barely had time to screech before a series of explosions hit its gaping maw. The worm writhed on the ground, wailing as the soldiers laid down suppressive fire. Shepard felt a hot blast of wind against his back, pebbles skittering away under him. The woman kept relaying orders as they ran up a metal ramp. As the woman plopped him down inside the hull, the ship itself fired at the worm, allowing the soldiers at the front to retreat. 

When the last soldier sprinted up the ramp, the ship already lifting off as the worm pulled back into the dirt, the woman gave a sigh of relief. She yelled for a headcount and all of her soldiers were in order, sounding off with a salute. The ramp sealed shut completely and an eery quiet settled in. The woman spun around as the doors behind her opened. The ship’s doctor came down the gangway, cadets following after her with a med kit and a gurney. 

“Where’s the patient,” said the doctor grimly. The woman looked down at her feet, her rescued victim crumbled in a pile, unresponsive. She knelt down quickly, heart in her throat. The doctor and cadets flocked to her side, the inside of the the hull echoing with orders for assistance and the whine of equipment powering up.


	4. Med Bay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our engineer and his rescuers are safe! But how did they find him in the first place?

Shepard winced at the sound of sharp whispers. He arced his back, arms and legs straightening out into a stretch, and yawned. A whisper came closer and a cold finger touched his temple. He felt his eyelid drag up, a blinding light snaking in. He turned away with a grunt, hiding his face with his hands.

“I’m Dr. Tsung. Everything’s alright, you’re safe, there’s just some questions I need to ask you.”  
Shepard let his eyes flutter open. A pink face was looking down at him, a firm wrinkle between her brows, her black hair pulled impossibly tight into a bun.

“What’s your name?” her voice was throaty, full, and rough around the edges. It was nice, a voice that stuck in the ear. It dragged him out from sleep.

“Travis,” Shepard said, his lips getting caught on his dry gums. “Lieutenant Travis Shepard.”

“How old are you, Lieutenant?” asked Dr. Tsung. He started to push himself up from the exam table but got a bad case of vertigo. He dropped back down with an ‘oof’ and a cough. The doctor tutted at him.

“Bruises up and down, I told Bhatia she should’ve put you on a stretcher. Reckless, just reckless,” she said, shaking her head. “Now tell me how old you are.”

“Twenty nine, I was on Akuze, I don’t recall the date, I hit my head on something when the worm attacked,” Shepard listed off quickly, he knew the drill. His mouth tasted sour. “How long was I out?”

“Not too long,” said Dr. Tsung. She helped him into a sitting position. “We scanned you earlier for brain damage since your oxygen ran out.”

“Are all my marbles still there?” Shepard asked.

“Yes, Lieutenant, every last one,” Dr. Tsung put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “Command is going to want a report,” she said softly.

“None of my team made it,” Shepard whispered and she shook her head. He didn’t hear or see anyone outside the MAKO after he woke up. He wasn’t surprised. The confirmation still made him feel hollow, though.

“Do you remember what happened?”

A moment passed at the back of his mind. Skylar getting in the driver’s seat, saying he drove like a drunk elcor. The rest of the team laughed. He didn’t know them that well, new ship, so he stayed quiet. But he knew Skylar from before, last time they served together she’d been a lieutenant like him. Skylar gave him a small punch in the shoulder when he got in on the other side. Don’t be prickly, she said with a big grin, that’s an order.

Her body was still in the MAKO, a hole where her heart should be. 

“Yes, I remember,” he said. The doors swished open and a woman in fatigues came in. Tan, dark hair, and an underlying confidence that made her feel taller.

“Bhatia?” asked Shepard. The woman wavered at the foot of the table but smiled, “I didn’t think I gave Tsung that much time to bad mouth me.” Tsung clucked her tongue, but Bhatia continued, “We were on our way to a colony when your pilot radioed us for backup. I thought it would be a recovery mission, not a rescue mission. I’m glad I was proven wrong. How are you feeling?”

Shepard opened his mouth, paused, then asked, “Did all of your team make it on board?” 

“Yes, thanks for the heads up, by the way. Otherwise we’d be...” Bhatia trailed off. She blanched and tried to think of what to say.

“Thank you for saving me,” said Shepard.

“You’re welcome,” Bhatia said mechanically, surprising herself. He must have done that on purpose. Dr. Tsung helped Shepard swing his legs off the table. As Tsung eased him into a standing position, Bhatia considered him for a moment.

“Do you know how we found you?” she asked. Shepard frowned and cradled one hand in the other. 

“No,” he said, punctuating it with the crack of a knuckle. His hands fluttered apart at the sound, embarrassed. He quickly tucked his hands away behind his back and tried to stand up straight. “Did the beacon work?”

“No, but the shovel did.”


	5. A Little White Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our engineer has no desire to go on Anderson’s and Udina’s mission. But perhaps a little white lie could get him ‘onboard’, so to speak?

“A shovel,” Udina coughed in disbelief.

“Apparently lightning doesn’t strike the same place twice, so when one spot was struck over twenty times a short distance from where we disappeared...” Shepard trailed off with a shrug.

“I see,” said Anderson, and he really did see. He saw why Shepard was going to be promoted to lieutenant commander before Akuze, how the incident rose him another rank. There was a bright head on those shoulders, whether Shepard realized it or not. Akuze had shaken the commander’s resolve, clearly, but with the right coaxing he could recover his confidence. Anderson leaned back in his seat, a half truth forming on the tip of his tongue.

“Perhaps we could do a field test of sorts,” offered Anderson. “If you don’t like it, you don’t have to do the mission and we’ll find someone else. If it goes alright, you can still say no, but we’d appreciate it if you’d considered staying on.” Udina and Shepard looked at him dubiously.

“What kind of field test?” asked Shepard.

“We’re doing a test flight for a ship with an experimental engine, your expertise and ingenuity would be more than welcome aboard,” Anderson explained. Udina felt his cheek flex but he managed to hide the grin.

“How experimental is experimental?” asked Shepard, the crumpling MAKO at the back of his mind.

“The engine has been stress tested, it won’t meltdown if that’s what you’re asking,” said Udina cheerfully. Shepard frowned and swallowed uneasily.

“You’ll be serving as part of the skeleton crew. It’s a simple pick up and delivery from one of our colonies,” finished Udina, waving his hand in the air, unbothered.

“But what’s so special about this engine? I don’t understand,” said Shepard, another crack of the knuckle. A little push, Udina thought, use his weakness.

“What gives a ship’s location away in space?” he asked. Shepard squinted at him, unsure if it was rhetorical. Udina dipped his head toward him, a small gesture of the hand to goad him.

“Its heat signature,” said Shepard simply. Udina let the silence draw out and raised an eyebrow, a crook at the corner of his mouth hinting at a smile. Shepard felt his eyes grow wide and his hands fluttered apart, fingers yearning to pull up schematics.

“And I can still say no afterwards?” Shepard put forward the question, but he was already burning bright with excitement for the first time since Akuze. 

“Of course,” Anderson lied, but he was certain that wouldn’t be a problem. He could build Shepard up, the potential was there. He just needed some time.


	6. The Art of War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our engineer gets to see the engine of his dreams, but will he stand up to examination by the turian specter, Nihlus?

Nihlus got a bad feeling when he stepped on the Normandy. Pairs of human eyes followed him constantly as he toured the ship. Captain Anderson was amicable, but there was an underlying distrust in his behavior; a smile that was too strained, shoulder’s that looked stiff. Understandable, since the captain had run into Saren previously. While Saren’s methods could be extreme, Nihlus had to admit he was effective. He was also effective at making the fragile alliance between humans and turians turbulent, which Nihlus did not appreciate.

But he wasn’t here for the captain, the crew, or the ship. He was here for Shepard, who disappeared as soon he finished saluting. Captain Anderson hinted that the commander might have escaped down below. Not his exact words, of course. Nihlus found Shepard in the engineering room of the Normandy. Despite being taller, and a higher rank, than Engineer Adams, he stood sheepishly with his hands rubbing together.

“Oh no, I’m not a real engineer; it’s just my combat subclass. I kept flunking the entrance exams for engineering schools back on Earth. Too many dumb blonde moments,” Shepard tried to laugh. Adams chuckled and gave him a curious look.

“Can’t be that dumb if you’re an N7, Commander,” said Adams. Shepard flinched and put his hands behind his back.

“I got up to N6 at the academy, I received N7 rank in the field on Akuze,” he said quietly. Adams’ face fell and he was about to give his condolences when Nihlus stepped further into the room.

“What exactly is the N7 program?” asked Nihlus. Adams straightened up into an informal salute. Shepard followed suit. The moment of silence became drawn out, too drawn out. Adams glanced at Shepard. He was frozen, jaw clenched tight. A deer in headlights. 

Adams cleared his throat and said, “Interplanetary Combatives Academy, N-School for short. You receive N1 training on Earth, then from N2 to N7 you receive training in space on Jupiter’s moons or Arcturus Station. Qualifying for even just N1 is something to be proud of because of how grueling the program is, sir.”  


“How long did it take you to get the N6 rank, Commander?” asked Nihlus, slowly walking to Shepard’s side and cutting off Adams from the conversation. Adams returned to monitoring his console, a worried expression creased into his face.

“Seven years, Specter,” said Shepard, his voice a little hoarse.

“Does it take a year to complete the training for each rank?” asked Nihlus, still circling him. Now Shepard had his back completely to Adams. His fingertips felt cold as ice. He tried to gently rub life back into his hands.

“No, sir, I retook each training up to four times before passing,” said Shepard. He watched Nihlus’ mandibles widen briefly open. A small movement. Shepard wasn’t sure if that was an expression of surprise or a smile.

“How long have you been in the field?” asked Nihlus, his head cocked to the side.

“Two years, sir,” said Shepard.

“Two years,” Nihlus repeated, amused. “And you’re specialized in...”

“First responder and combat tech support,” Shepard filled in automatically. Nihlus hummed, his double voice box producing a deep thrum.

“Sounds like you’ve been avoiding the front line,” said Nihlus and Shepard’s shoulders jittered. Nihlus held up his hands, shaking his head, “I’m not judging you.” Then he settled one of his hands on his hips, his voice taking on a lighter tone. “The best war tactic is to not go to war at all, right?”

Shepard relaxed and let his arms fall to his sides, “You sound like Sun Tzu.”

“And that is?”

“Human Chinese military genius from several thousand years ago. He wrote about his philosophy and called it ‘The Art of War’,” Shepard explained. “And he’s been right ever since.”

“Was he from the region on your planet that practices Confucianism?” asked Nihlus. Shepard blinked, stunned. He recovered himself and said, “Uh, yes, but Sun Tzu was Taoist himself.”

“Turians aren’t particularly religious, we’re more interested in moral codes,” outlined Nihlus. “Before First Contact, if turians converted it was primarily to the asari’s Siarist philosophy. Now I hear of turians converting to human religions like Confucianism and Zen- oh, what was that word again, it starts with a ‘B’.”

“Zen Buddhism?” offered Shepard. 

“Yes!” said Nihlus, snapping his fingers. Shepard didn’t know turians could do that. “Things are still contentious between our species, I know, but that may be because we’re actually too similar, don’t you think?”

Shepard thought about it for a moment and asked, “Is there something you think humans could learn from turians?”

“Hmmm,” Nihlus squinted, then suppressed something that sounded like a laugh. “Patience. Your kind comes across as quite the entitled galactic bully.”

Shepard winced and said, “We may or may not have an inferiority complex, as younger siblings are want to do.”

“A younger sibling?” Nihlus crossed his arms and looked at the glowing engine next to them. “The asari must see us as bickering children. Deadly children, unfortunately.” He looked back at Shepard with a gleam in his eye. “What do you think of the ship’s design?”

Shepard looked over at the engine himself. It churned and toiled, lighting up the whole room with a cool blue light, a beauty in its own right. “An elegant marriage of two schools of thought,” he said quietly. “I find the turian influences interesting; it makes the ship feel alien but still familiar.”

The comms crackled to life and they heard the pilot say, “The Arcturus Prime relay is in range. Initiating transmission sequence.” 

“Do you watch when the ship makes a jump?” asked Nihlus and Shepard shook his head, looking queasy. 

“I get nervous when I can’t see the approach,” explained Nihlus.

“Does standing next to the pilot give you a sense of control when being hurtled at the speed of light through space?” suggested Shepard. Nihlus hmphed.

“Maybe,” muttered Nihlus and Shepard grinned. “What about you?” 

Shepard shrugged and said, embarrassed, “I find a hole to crawl into.”

“Join me if you want.” Nihlus turned and on his way to the doors said, “I look forward to working with you, Shepard.” As the doors closed behind him, he said over his shoulder, “I hope you’ll share the sentiment.”

Shepard stood there, unmoving. He turned and leaned against the railing. The engine was beginning to churn faster in preparation for the jump. Usually Shepard hid away during the jumps, gritting his teeth as space slipped passed them. He hated the idea of faster than light travel. If the pilot made the wrong calculation or a computer glitched, they could land directly in a star. 

“We are connected. Calculating transit mass and destination.”

Shepard pushed off the railing and left the engine room. He could be a little brave today. The turian specter had turned out to be a lot nicer than he thought. Maybe things didn’t have to stay the same. He rushed up to top deck, brushing past crew members scrambling to their positions.

“Relay is hot, acquiring approach vector.”

He got to the bridge, nodding towards Jenkins and Presley as he went past. 

“All stations secure for transit. Board is green, approach has begun.”

He sidled into the cockpit, standing next to Nihlus. Shepard frowned at the approaching mass relay, a bolt of cosmic lightning snaking out to greet them. Nihlus bumped his shoulder and made a short low sound. Shepard gave him an unsure smile which seemed to please him.

“Hitting the relay in three... two...one.”


	7. A Last Minute Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shepard manages to talk to his fellow humans for 0.05 seconds, what a trooper! But something’s afoot as the ship approaches Eden Prime. And Nihlus has some questions for our dear engineer.

“Thrusters... check. Navigation... check. Internal emissions sync engaged. All systems online. Drift... just under 1500 k,” read out the pilot. Shepard opened his fists and flexed his fingers, remembering to breathe with a small gasp.

“1500 is good. Your captain will be pleased,” said Nihlus. When he turned to leave, he flashed his pointy teeth with a mandible drawn back at Shepard. A smile? A smile. As soon as the specter was out of earshot, the pilot muttered, “I hate that guy.” Shepard recalled the pilot’s name was Joker. A misnomer, it seems.

“Nihlus gave you a compliment, sooo you hate him,” stated the co-pilot, a question in disguise. Shepard straightened up and put his hands behind his back, startled. He hadn’t noticed him when he first came in. Lieutenant Alenko; he had a laid back energy to him, calming. He wondered why the lieutenant was co-piloting.

“You remember to zip up your jumpsuit on the way out the bathroom? That’s good. I just jumped us halfway across the galaxy and hit a target the size of a pin head. So that’s incredible!” The pilot bristled. Oh, that’s why. “Besides,” he added in a lower voice. “Specters are trouble. I don’t like having them onboard. Call me paranoid.”

“You’re paranoid,” Alenko said flatly. “The council helped fund this project, they have a right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment.”

“Yeah, that is the official story,” said Joker. “But only an idiot believes the official story.”

“By turian standards Nihlus gave you high praise,” Shepard blurted out, like a man getting off the train a stop too late.

Both Joker and Alenko turned in their seats to look at him, alarmed at the commander’s sudden presence. He rolled on the balls of his feet and stared at the floor.

“Saying your superior would be pleased means more within the turian militant hierarchy than other species,” continued Shepard. Be brave. He tore his gaze up from the floor and made eye contact with Joker. “So in that way I think he was being genuine. As for what we’re doing here...” 

The conversation earlier, when Nihlus mentioned looking forward to working together, bothered him. He wasn’t sure how to put it into words. The specter was a soldier by trade, his work did not involve calibrating engines. So then working together meant...

“I think there’s more than one goal to this mission,” Shepard summed up as best he could.

“See,” Joker swiveled in his seat. “Told you.” 

Alenko rolled his eyes. The comm interface lit up.

“Joker, status report,” ordered Anderson.

“Just cleared the mass relay, Captain. Stealth systems engaged, everything looks solid,” said Joker.

“Good. Find a comm buoy and link us into the network. I want mission reports relayed back to the Alliance brass before we reach Eden Prime.”

“Aye aye, Captain,” answered Joker. Then he added, less formally, “Better brace yourself, sir. I think Nihlus is headed your way.”

“He’s already here, Lieutenant,” said Anderson. Alenko shot Joker a dirty look and shook his head. “Tell Commander Shepard to meet me in the comm room for debriefing.” The comm was cut and the three of them got to soak in the awkward silence.

“You get that, Commander?” asked Joker.

“Can I pretend I didn’t?” Shepard asked back, woozily. Joker snickered and said, “Only if you want Nihlus to hunt you down.”

“It’s not him I’m worried about,” said Shepard and left the cockpit. He heard Joker say from behind him, “Pft. Is it just me or does the captain always sound a little pissed off?”

“Only when he’s talking to you, Joker,” replied Alenko dryly.

Shepard made his way past Presley who was arguing with Engineer Adams over the comms about something. He thought he heard his name mentioned and ducked away before he could be noticed. Outside the comm room were Jenkins and Chakwas discussing specter hijinks, but Shepard doubted he had time to mingle. He went round the corner and through the door. 

At the other end of the comm room was Nihlus, waiting in front of a hologram displaying a scenic colony. No captain in sight. Nihlus turned around and smiled. Shepard let out a breath he hadn’t realize he’d been holding.

“Commander Shepard, I was hoping you would get here first. It will give us a chance to talk.”

Shepard walked further into the room, shortening the distance between them, and asked, “Again so soon? I’m flattered.”

“Only you would be,” said Nihlus. He leaned his back against the railing in front of the hologram. “A specter - let alone a turian? I’ve never seen a crew more on edge during a test flight.” 

Shepard shrugged and said, “I’d say they’re only human, but I’m not sure if that translates.” 

Nihlus hummed and said, “I understand the sentiment. It would be scandalous on Palavan to admit weakness as an excuse, though.” He gestured towards the hologram. “I’m interested in this world we’re going to - Eden Prime. I’ve heard it’s quite beautiful.”

“Allegedly,” said Shepard.

“Allegedly?” Nihlus cocked his head to the side and tried to keep down a chuckle. “Is that the word you used?”

“Yes, a bit of humor, did it translate well?” asked Shepard.

“You sounded like my old commander. Very nostalgic,” said Nihlus with a cough of laughter.

“What I meant was - I’ve never been there myself,” Shepard answered, clearly this time.

Nihlus abandoned his smile with a sigh and continued, “But you know of it. It’s become something of a symbol for your people, hasn’t it? Proof that humanity can not only establish colony across the galaxy, but also protect them.” Nihlus pushed off from the railing and stepped towards Shepard, gravely serious. “But how safe is it really?”

Shepard felt himself lean away as the specter stopped just in front of him. He hadn’t minded the close proximity previously, but Nihlus felt taller in here than the engine room. He suddenly became aware of how alone they were. Shepard gave him a concerned smile, “I don’t think that translated correctly.”

“Oh? How so.”

“Because it sounded like a threat,” said Shepard. Nihlus’ eyes widened and he took a small step back. Shepard appreciated the breathing room and felt the tension in his back release.

“That wasn’t my intention,” said Nihlus. He stood there perplexed, thinking, choosing his next words carefully. “Your people are still newcomers, Shepard.” 

They both stared at each other for a second. Shepard realized he was waiting for a cue and nodded. Nihlus continued, “And the galaxy can be a very dangerous place.” Then, after another pause, he reworded his question as, “Is the Alliance truly ready for this?” 

Shepard considered it for a moment. He wasn’t sure he wanted to be held accountable for the answer, on behalf of the Alliance, to a council specter. But he had a feeling for what the crux of the issue was and wanted to be candid.

He redirected by saying, “You think we’ve over extended ourselves by expanding too fast?”

“Don’t you?” asked Nihlus. Shepard sighed, at a loss for words. He rubbed the back of his neck and was about to answer when the doors slid open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter, and the one before, I wanted to give Nihlus more characterization. I have a reason! He will be our first true divergence from the canon. Enjoy!


	8. The Debreifing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tricked! Anderson’s true intentions are revealed. Our engineer can’t escape this monster of a responsibility. But at least the mission will be easy, right?
> 
> Too bad cosmic horrors exist.

“I think it’s about time we told the commander what’s really going on,” said Captain Anderson as he strolled in. Shepard got a sinking feeling in his stomach, regretting saying yes at the interview.

“This mission is far more than a simple shakedown run,” warned Nihlus. 

“We’re making a covert pickup on Eden prime. That’s why we needed the stealth systems operational,” explained Anderson. Shepard swallowed down his indignantion and said, in a level voice, “You forgot to mention that in your offer, Captain.”

Anderson waved a hand, a stern expression in place, “Information strictly on a need to know basis, Commander. A research team on Eden Prime unearthed some kind of beacon during an excavation.” He took the to the left side of the specter. “It was Prothean.”

“You’re kidding,” breathed Shepard. His hands floated up from his sides, eager. “How old is it? What condition is it in?”

“We don’t know. Eden Prime doesn’t have the facilities to handle something like this,” answered Anderson with a frown. Shepard remembered himself and righted his posture. Anderson continued, “We need to bring the beacon back to the Citadel for proper study.”

“Of course, sir,” said Shepard, a no brainer. Nihlus felt something off in the conversation. He wondered just how much the commander knew. He circled slowly towards Shepard. 

“The beacon’s not the only reason I’m here, Commander,” said Nihlus.

“Nihlus wants to see you in action, Commander,” said Anderson with a smile. Nihlus watched Shepard’s eagerness instantly leave his face. “He’s here to evaluate you.”

Shepard’s stomach plummeted. No. No no no. He didn’t want more of-

A hole where her heart should be-

The ground shaking as the worm churned through the soil-

Shrapnel raining down above him- 

He tried not to let his discomfort show; he knew better than to be insubordinate in front of a Council Specter. He kept his hands behind his back, holding them tight in place. He strained to prevent them from shaking. Nihlus saw it out of the corner of his eye but didn’t say anything. He watched the commander as Anderson laid on his spiel. 

“The Alliance has been pushing this for a long time. Humanity wants a larger role in shaping interstellar policy. We want more say with the Citadel Council,” Anderson went on. Shepard started shaking his head, his eyes glued to the floor and his mouth a firm grim line.

“The Specters represent the Council’s power and authority. If they accept a human into their ranks, it shows how far the Alliance has come,” said Anderson. Shepard clutched his hands even tighter, crushing his knuckles together. Nihlus stepped in, his voice less demanding.

“Not many could survive what you went through on Akuze. You showed a remarkable will to live - a particularly useful talent,” said Nihlus. His wry humor was unable to put the commander at ease this time. Nihlus, disappointed but understanding, continued, “That’s why I put your name forward as a candidate for the Specters.”

Shepard’s face twisted in a mix of shock and confusion. He opened his mouth, but he was speechless. Spotting Anderson’s glare, he grimaced and looked down at the floor again. Shepard asked, “And if I were to refuse?”

“This isn’t about you, Shepard,” chided Anderson, but then rethought his approach. He said, beseeching, “Humanity needs this. We’re counting on you.”

Shepard’s head bowed under the pressure. He felt the panic set in. There was no out; they tricked him on board, they wouldn’t be above forcing him if it came to it.

“I need to see your skills myself, Commander,” Nihlus interrupted, casting an irritated glance at Anderson. “Eden Prime will be the first of several missions together.”

Several. Shepard’s hands loosened behind his back and he was able to look at Nihlus again. Several meant time. Right, he was being evaluated. He couldn’t control Anderson or the Brass, but they couldn’t control the Council. They couldn’t touch a Specter. He had time. He had control. He didn’t need to panic.

“You’ll be in charge of ground team. Secure the beacon and get it on the ship ASAP. Nihlus will accompany you to observe the mission,” listed off Anderson. “We should be close to Eden Prime-”

“Captain, we’ve got a problem,” said the pilot over the comms.

“What’s wrong Joker?” asked Anderson.

“Transmission from Eden Prime, sir. You better see this!”

“Bring it on screen,” said Anderson. The three of them looked towards the hologram display. What played out was the beginning of a nightmare that would last years to come. When Shepard saw that massive claw of a ship descend from the sky, he had a feeling that this would be the second worst day of his life. It wouldn’t be until later that he would realize he’d have an ever growing tally of days like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of the dialogue in the beginning of the game is expository information for the player (which is well done and cleverly worded). I’ve tried to streamline it down to what the characters would actually say since everyone already has the context (including the reader).
> 
> I didn’t intend for Anderson to be the villain for this portion of the story, but his preexisting lines were oddly suited for it.


	9. Eden is Burning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eden Prime; paradise has been invaded by death and destruction. How will Shepard do in battle for the first time as commander?
> 
> Poorly, if fate stays the same.

Shepard felt distant from his body, like he had stepped backward through it. He was a ghost of denial; still placated by the idea of a simple pick up and delivery as their mission. Nihlus said something about a small strike team. Anderson agreed and mentioned the cargo bay. He came back to when the captain talked to him directly.

“Commander, tell Alenko and Jenkins to suit up. We’re going in.”

Shepard left, a dutiful toy soldier.

Down in the cargo bay the human members of the strike team were poised and ready to go. Well, two of them anyway. For Shepard, time was moving too fast and too slow. He was still trying to find his bearings when the captain barked his last orders, “Your team’s the muscle in this operation. Go in heavy and head straight to the dig site.”

Shepard almost laughed. A rookie, an L2 biotic, and an engineer class. All three of them were in light armor. Here’s to hoping they were glass cannons.

“What about survivors, Captain?” asked Alenko.

“Helping survivors is a secondary objective. The beacon’s your top priority.” It dawned on Shepard that there was no other backup. That’s right, Joker had said so after the video had played. This was it. Three guys in grey pajamas. There was no way they could save the entire colony. Somewhere deep inside, he doubted they could even save the beacon.

“Approaching drop point one,” said Joker over comms. Shepard blinked. Drop point one? Nihlus strutted past, loading a shotgun as he went. The cargo bay doors opened in front of him. An orange hazy light spilled in as wind whipped and screamed inside.

“Nihlus, you’re coming with us?” asked Jenkins. Nihlus didn’t look up from his shotgun as he said, “I move faster on my own.” Without so much as a glance over his shoulder, he ran for the opening and dropped down. No hesitation.

“Nihlus will scout out ahead. He’ll feed you status reports throughout the mission. Otherwise, I want radio silence,” said Anderson. 

“We’ve got his back, Captain,” said Shepard, surprising himself. He meant it. He could do it. He could follow Nihlus. In more ways than one. He wanted to. No hesitation. He wanted that.

No hesitation.

He repeated it like a mantra in his head as they touched down. When they hit the dirt and the Normandy left behind them, Shepard wavered on his feet. It was nothing like the hologram Nihlus had been looking at. It was a burning world. Red skies and black clouds. So much ash, the air was thick with it. And the smell. If Hell didn’t smell like sulfur, it would smell like this. Cooked flesh and scorched iron. You could taste the smoke. Jenkins gasped beside him. That’s right.

This is his home.

“Stay alert and follow my orders,” said Shepard. Jenkins meekly nodded, dazed. Shepard grabbed his shoulder and gave him a stern shake. “I said stay alert and follow my orders, marine!”

“Sir, yes, sir!” answered Jenkins with a salute this time, eyes wide and back straight. When in doubt, follow. Now all Shepard had to do was lead. Following Nihlus. A Russian nesting doll of followers. 

“At ease,” said Shepard with one last pat to the back. “Jenkins, you’re on my left flank, Alenko on the right. Stay three paces back. Assume we’re being watched.”

That was easier than he thought it would be. Jenkins will follow him, he’ll follow Nihlus, and Nihlus will follow the beacon. All lined up. Nice and tidy. No hesitation. Just follow. That was he told himself as they rounded the bend. There was a straight path ahead with another bend. Too exposed-

Nothing around the beacon-

You drive like a drunk elcor-

A hole where her heart should be-

Shepard crouched behind the cover of an old wall. Ruins that had been dug up? Doesn’t matter, just breathe. He held up his fist, signaling a stop. He took out his sniper rifle and looked through the scope.

Nothing.

He didn’t trust that.

“Alenko, prep a biotic lift. Jenkins, take cover at the left wall ahead when I give the go ahead. Next, Alenko, you’ll take cover at the right wall,” said Shepard in a low voice. “I’ll stay in the back as sniper while you advance forward. Understood?” He locked eyes with both of them and they nodded. Shepard looked back in the scope. Still nothing. 

“Once you’re ahead of me and in cover, watch for my signal. Jenkins first, Alenko second,” said Shepard. 

“We don’t have time to go slow,” whispered Jenkins.

“We do if we want to live,” said Shepard. “Get ready.” After a moment, he told Jenkins to proceed, covering him. After Jenkins made it to his spot, Shepard asked with his eye still up to the scope, “Ready?”

“Ready,” answered Alenko.

“Proceed.”

Alenko made his way to the right wall, running while arched, and crouched down. Still nothing. Shepard motioned with his hand for Jenkins to go. 

He nodded and got out from cover. He made to his next spot, safe and sound. As Shepard motioned for Alenko to go, Jenkins ran out from his cover to get to the next wall. Alenko, with a stagger, fell back onto the ground behind his wall.

But Jenkins didn’t make it to the next wall. Two drones careened in from the bend, shooting down the straight path. Jenkins was right down the middle. Lined up. Nice and tidy. No hesitation.

Shepard, distracted by Jenkins, didn’t track the two blurs through his scope and missed the first drone but shot the second. Alenko, delayed by his fall, used his lift on the last drone, but all he did was jostle it. Jenkins was already on the ground before Shepard could shoot it.

“Cover me!” shouted Shepard while sprinting. Alenko dutifully crouched behind cover with his pistol over the wall, ready. Shepard slid down to Jenkins’ side with his omni tool out. The only reading he could get was Jenkins’ body temperature. It was slowly going cold. He put a hand on the rookie’s burnt chest plate. The plasma rounds had gone straight through in the center. A hole.

A hole where his heart-

“He’s dead,” said Shepard, ignoring the wave of nausea that hit him. He stood up, got an overload ready, and radioed Nihlus. “We’re a man down, drones ate through Jenkins’ shields instantly.”

Two more drones swung around the bend, teased by the radio signal, and blasted away at the commander. Alenko fired back and yelled, “Get down!”

Except Shepard didn’t need to get down. His shields were optimized, technology takes constant tweaking, remember? When he activated his overload, both drones erupted into sparks and hit the dirt with an anticlimactic thunk. 

“They can get through a fourth of mine with initial blasts,” continued Shepard over the radio. “Don’t let your shields drop.” He went over to one of the drones that died, Alenko following behind while stopping behind cover.

“Affirmative, Commander,” replied Nihlus. “I’m seeing odd activity on my end. Spires with corpses on them. Batarians, perhaps?”

“No, they don’t have drones like these,” said Shepard. “The design is smooth and curved. There’s nothing on the market like this.” He heard the whir of more drones coming, buzzing like a swarm of bees. Or hornets, rather. “Keep me updated, I’m going silent.”

Shepard waved Alenko after him as he entered the woods, already getting something ready on his omni tool. They stopped behind one of the trees; their trunks were thick and wide, providing ample hiding space. 

“Don’t shoot until I signal you. Only fire twice, it doesn’t matter if you hit,” said Shepard. “I’ll take up left flank.” Across the path was another tree. Shepard leapt forward and rolled to the other side, dodging blasts that aimed too high. 

After standing up and checking on his omni tool, he shouted, “Now!”

Kaiden fired in the direction of the drones twice, just as asked. While the drones were distracted, Shepard hit one of them with a virus. It turned off for a millisecond. Mid reboot, it began firing, this time at the two other drones. They waited for the thunks of metal hitting earth. One. Two. And, after severely malfunctioning as the virus destroyed it from the inside, three.”

“Go,” said Shepard. They wove in and out of cover, one watching out for the other when exposed. At the end of the woods were three more drones, but both Alenko and Shepard had overloads ready. The machines went down without any trouble. Shepard heard signs of a fire fight down the hill and held up his fist to stop. He made eye contact with Alenko, motioned for him to stay, and exited cover to investigate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrestled with Jenkins’ death. As a game function, he is meant to fill the team slot until you get Ashley, as well as demonstrate to the player to proceed with caution. Here, Jenkins’ function is to show that Shepard’s mind set allows him to continue on and get the job done, in spite of (or perhaps because of) his experience on Akuze.
> 
> The engineer subclass is perfect for fighting geth, but Shepard didn’t know what they were fighting at this point. So I decided that he would get the upper hand later once he knows more about the enemy. Hence, Jenkins’ dies because of a lack of information. 
> 
> Sorry, Jenkins.


	10. A Damn Fine Throw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team is three once more! Alenko, Shepard, and Williams are after the beacon. But fate is still cruel to our engineer. If he thinks he’s tired now, oh is he in for a rude awakening.

You ever go to work and find out that an evil army of robots has been shish-kebabing all your coworkers and set everything on fire?

No?

Neither did Shepard until he saw two geth skewer a civilian, the spike shooting up into the air carrying the body along with it. Right through the heart. As Shepard tried to not think about the hole in the man’s chest, he rushed into cover behind a half wall. He looked around himself and saw a massive rock where another soldier was hiding. White armor, like in the video. Surprised, and still mentally tilted, Shepard gave her a friendly wave. She was clutching her assault rifle, clearly terrified, but she managed to rip a few fingers from the gun to acknowledge/wave back.

Shepard looked back for Alenko who was still waiting behind a tree. He had his head poked out with pistol at the ready. Shepard signaled with three fingers, then mimicked walking with two fingers. Alenko nodded and laid his hand flat then raised it. Shepard nodded and readied an overload on his omni tool. He gave the soldier in white one last look, gesturing with his rifle. She nodded and readied to shoot.

Shepard popped out from cover, spotting two geth coming up fast. As he let loose an overload, causing only one of them to spark and drop this time, the other one went bright blue and lifted up suddenly. The soldier shot the floater until it also blew up in sparks. The geth from the back came running and shooting. Shepard sniped it with four shots, you try hitting a moving target, as Alenko and the soldier went back into cover.

There was a whir and ‘vrbt’ sound further in. They waited, but the geth knew better than to run into a sniper’s crosshairs. Shepard waved in Alenko, covering him as he moved over to the soldier’s hiding spot. 

“Name?” asked Alenko.

“Gunnery Chief Williams, sir,” she answered, still out of breath.

“Lieutenant Alenko, that over there is Commander Shepard, we’re here to secure the beacon,” said Alenko. “Where’s your platoon?”

“Dead. Where’s yours?” asked Williams.

“You’re looking at it,” said Shepard, still glued to the scope. There was a a hint of movement down the path and he fired. Not to hit, just to spook. An exasperated ‘reee’ echoed down the path.

“We’ve got a turian specter ahead of us taking a different route,” explained Alenko.

“Commander Shepard,” came in Nihlus over the radio. Speak of the Devil. “Avoid the spires, the bodies don’t stay dead.”

“Hold on,” said Shepard. “What?”

“The spires lower so the bodies can get off and run towards you,” went on Nihlus. “They discharge an electric pulse that overheats weapons, keep your distance.”

“I didn’t think geth could weaponize organics like that,” said Shepard.

“Geth?” asked Nihlus. “Are you sure?”

“They have lightbulbs for heads, it’s not exactly subtle,” replied Shepard dryly. “Where’s the beacon, Chief?”

“Just up ahead at the dig site, sir,” said Williams.

“I’m seeing more activity further away,” said Nihlus over the radio. “I’ll check it out.”

“Don’t stray too far. We should be closing in on the beacon in a few minutes,” warned Shepard.

“Of course. Stay safe, Commander.”

“Likewise,” said Shepard and cut the connection. “Williams, lay down suppressive fire on left flank. Alenko, support with lifts and overloads on right flank. I’ll take point since I have the strongest shields, apparently.” He got out his pistol and cocked it. He almost laughed and covered it with a cough. Him? Take point? Like he was a heavy duty mercenary?

Better that than Alenko or Williams having a hole-

“If you see a body come off a spire, shoot it or it’ll fry our guns,” said Shepard, cramming Jenkins and Skylar even deeper down. “Let’s go!”

The three made a run for it down the hill further, grey prothean ruins coming into sight as they rounded the curve of the trench. Once plasma blasts started screeching past them they dove behind cover. It was slow work returning fire and darting to gain ground. There was a particularly stubborn group camped out just in front of the dig site. 

“How’s your throwing arm, Williams?”

“Mighty damn fine, sir,” she said and he tossed her a flash bang.

“They’re holed up further in,” said Shepard, getting ready to run to next cover. “Make ‘em scatter.”

“My pleasure, Commander,” said Williams and threw a most graceful arc, landing the flash bang right behind their cover. After a explosive white light flushed out the geth, it was easy pickings. They pushed in behind the blocks and slabs of stone only to find the dig site was empty. The three surrounded the vacant spot, looking down at it lamely.

“The beacon was right here, they must’ve moved it,” said Williams.

“By who? Our side or the geth?” asked Alenko. Shepard wanted the ground to swallow him up. He knew they wouldn’t find it. He patched in to Nihlus, “The beacon is missing from the dig site, please tell me you’ve seen it.”

“Negative, Commander,” answered Nihlus. “But there’s a spaceport up ahead. The geth have been taking the transport back and forth. The beacon may be on the other end. I’ll wait for you there.”

“Affirmative,” said Shepard. “Williams, spaceport?”

She pointed up past them, “Through the research camp and down.”

“Alright, let’s go,” ordered Shepard, rounding them up and pushing on. The small break had let the adrenaline dip and he could feel it. Constantly being tense was taking its toll, and no doubt Williams was exhausted from running for her life. He hoped this would be over soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter focused on stream lining the dialogue. Of course our engineer would know what geth are. Plus, Nihlus is supposed to warn Shepard and Co. since he’s scouting, but he doesn’t in the game (probably because the developers wanted to show vs tell). I decided to break radio silence because Shepard is A) cautious and B) not inclined to follow Anderson’s orders to a T at the moment.


	11. The Last Train Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our engineer is short on time, but not on luck! Nihlus’ life hangs by a thread and the beacon is missing. Shepard is working at max speed, both mentally and physically, and events may be turning around for him.
> 
> Fate is finally cheated!
> 
> The repercussions shall be interesting.

It was one thing to know that blue human corpses could pop off alien retractable lances and run at you. It was another thing to see it. A moment of shock took away the advantage they had in giving the spires a wide berth. The research camp was then crawling with reanimated dead, all with hands stretched out to grab them and mouths agape in frozen terror. Alenko suspended as many as he could, switching between lifting, pulling, and shooting. Williams was too busy with her shotgun, keeping the onslaught from reaching the biotic, that she didn’t notice a runner take after Shepard.

He shot as rapidly as he could, backing up to keep out of their radius. It dove at him suddenly, knocking him to the ground with an electric burst. His pistol overheated and burned in his hand. He dropped it with a gasp. Shepard held up an arm just in time to block the ghoul from scratching at his face.

“I’m down!” he shouted, but his voice was drowned out by gun fire. The undead pushed him down into the dirt as he wriggled under its weight. Shepard tried to reach for his pistol, but as soon as he let up, a blue hand would reach for his throat.

A door to one of the research buildings slid open to the right and a woman shouted, “Lieutenant Shepard!”

The ghoul looked up at the sound, allowing Shepard to grab his pistol by the barrel and smash it into that slack jawed face. He kicked off the creature and it stumbled back. He righted his pistol, now cooled down, and shot it in the head three times. It collapsed with a wet gurgle, a blue inky substance spilling out of its face.

Alenko and Williams ran backwards to Shepard’s position, picking off the last two stragglers that limped after them. Williams helped him up, giving a breathy apology as he got to his feet.

“Is he alright?” asked the woman. Her white coat billowed as she ran over. She had an impossibly tight black bun. 

“Dr. Tsung?” asked Shepard. “I’m alright, we’re here to secure the beacon, have you seen it?”

“I meant your biotic, Lieutenant,” she said as she went over to Alenko, who stood bent over with his hands on his knees. He used a shaky hand to wipe the sweat from his brow.

“I’m fine, I just over did it a little,” nervously laughed Alenko and straightened up. “Any injuries, Commander?”

Dr. Tsung perked up at the title but didn’t say anything. The building where she’d been hiding shifted the door open once more. Two scientists crouched by the doorway, still too spooked to leave.

“None,” said Shepard and nodded his head at Dr. Tsung. “The beacon, where is it?”

She stuttered for an answer. Not fast enough. Shepard turned to the other survivors, “Have any of you seen it?”

“We were wrapping up excavation when the geth came,” said the female scientist. “The beacon should be at the spaceport.” She retreated back into the building, dragging the other scientist with her before he could speak. Shepard didn’t like that, but there wasn’t time for small talk. Dr. Tsung followed her colleagues and left for the hide out.

“Keep your marbles where they are, Commander Shepard,” she called over her shoulder. 

“Will do, doctor,” said Shepard and got out his sniper rifle. He waved his team on, Williams taking point for now as guide. Nihlus should already be at the depot but he hadn’t reported in yet. Maybe it was empty, but Nihlus had said there was activity from the geth. Shepard got a bad feeling and patched in to comms, “Specter, a surviving researcher told me the beacon was moved to the spaceport, can you confirm?”

Nothing. Shepard started moving faster.

“Nihlus, come in.”

Only static. He broke into a run, just passing Williams. There was a crackle on the other end and Shepard’s felt a surge of relief when he heard, “Sorry, I was distracted.” Shepard faltered on a step, almost losing balance as the panic left him.

“Why didn’t you respond?” he asked. Nihlus sighed a laugh and said, “Another spe-” 

Bang.

When Shepard heard the gun shot, his brain couldn’t made the sound congruent with Nihlus on the other end. There was a delay in reality itself. He waited, just a second, for another gun shot, the start of another fire fight. But there was only one. It was loud. Absolute. No hesitation.

No hesitation.

Shepard sprinted ahead, calling into the comms, “Nihlus, respond!” Williams and Alenko kept up with his pace, guns at the ready. He should tell them something, get them ready for what’s ahead. He should scout, sneak in, or wait for the enemy to leave. Literally anything else than running without telling his squad why. They crested another hill and- everything was happening at once.

Alenko was shooting at mutated humans before they got to close to fry their guns.

Shepard was lost in his scope, taking out the back line of geth approaching from the spaceport platform.

Williams was looking up at the behemoth, caught up in a thought that was tripping over itself to comprehend what she was seeing. 

“Look at the size of that thing,” she cried out.

It’s-

-the ship-

-it’s bigger than-

-than God-

-and even louder.

It made the most unholy, deeper than deep, skull scraping noise as it pulled back into the red sky, leaving behind its cold robotic spawn and ink bleeding undead. This was Hell. They were in Hell. 

That’s how Williams felt as Shepard yelled, “Man down! Cover me!” and ran down the hill, abandoning them. He turned the tide of blue ghouls around, giving her and Alenko a buffer zone to shoot them from. The creatures emitted their electric pulses as Shepard ran past, making them stagger to a stand still, confused when he ignored them. Williams looked through her scope and saw a turian splayed out on the platform. Alenko biotic pulled one of the creatures back as it reached for the commander down the field. He was visibly sweating as he over extended.

“Lieutenant, get the doctor!” she shouted. “I got this covered.” He paused and looked at her. He was her superior.

“Go!” she ordered. He snapped to, putting ranking aside, and raced back to the research camp. Williams pushed forward, gunning down the last of the things, the rotten dead, the thralls to the geth. Thralls. That made her feel better. A slave rather than a walking corpse. It made more sense to her. Less resurrection Judgement Day style.

She swore under her breath as Shepard leaned over the turian, so fixated on saving an alien life that he didn’t notice the encroaching line of thralls. She slid down the slope, pumping and firing the shotgun as she went. The last one dropped nearly on top of the commander and still he didn’t move. He was busy at work, applying gauze and sealant from his limited med gear as blue blood pooled around him.

“Alenko is getting the doctor, is he stable?” asked Williams as she surveyed the scene, switching to her assault rifle for longer range.

“Barely, any later and he’d have bled to death,” said Shepard, still breathing heavy from gunning it. He forced himself to breath through his nose instead of in mouthfuls and gulps. He needed calm and precision. Williams heard a shuffle behind the crates and swung her aim over. A man, a dockworker in overalls, had his arms in the air.

“Wait! Don’t- Don’t shoot! I’m one of you! I’m human,” he said. She did one last check around, nothing moved, and lowered her weapon. 

“What are you doing back there?” she asked.

“I... I’m sorry. I was hiding from those creatures,” he explained. “My name’s Powell. I saw what happened to that turian. The other one shot him.”

“Slow down, sir,” said Williams and made her way over to him. “Start from the top.”

Alenko came down the hill with Dr. Tsung in tow and stumbled onto the platform. He took up the perimeter as Williams talked to the civilian and the doctor sat down beside Shepard. Running back and forth was not fun, but he appreciated the break from using his biotics. I’m going to have nasty migraine after this, he thought to himself as he watched the empty railway. He looked over his shoulder at the turian. Not as nasty as his if he lives. 

“Status of the patient,” demanded Dr. Tsung, unpacking the med kit she brought with her.

“Gun shot wound to the back of the head, unconscious but breathing,” said Shepard, his shoulders relaxing as she took over. “I’ve stopped the bleeding from the entry wound. Exit wound is staunched but the left mandible and face plate is cracked and bleeding.” 

“Trajectory of the bullet?”

“Just shy of the cerebellum behind the jaw, through the outer side of the left lobe and out the cheekbone plate. He must’ve turned his head at the last second.” 

“Scan his spinal cord, Commander.”

It was nice to have someone think for him.

“Spine is intact, we’re free to move him,” said Shepard and Dr. Tsung handed him an extendable stretcher. 

Alenko felt his L2 chip act up, making his jaw hurt. There was something.... something. There was something. That happened around sounds or vibrations sometimes. It hurt like crazy when the geth ship left. It also happened around metal on metal scraping.

“Commander, toss your rifle!” shouted Alenko with his hand held out, still watching the railway. Shepard tossed it to him without thinking, he wasn’t anywhere near the biotic, and went back to easing the turian onto the stretcher. Alenko caught it with a swift biotic pull, dragging it midair across the platform, and looked through he scope. It took him a hot second to steady it, but when he did it was as clear as day. 

“Transport coming down on the rail,” alerted Alenko. “It’s packed with geth. ETA four minutes!”

“For the love of...” trailed off Shepard as his brief reprieve was snatched away from him. He sighed as they lifted up Nihlus and said, “Williams, help Alenko pull those crates over for cover. Tsung, we’re taking him behind where...”

Shepard looked over at the colonist, surprised by his existence, and frowned, “Name?”

“Powell,” squeaked the man.

“Where Powell is,” Shepard continued, shuffling past the crates and placing Nihlus gently on the ground. “Hide here with the patient until the Normandy lands, they’ll have blood for him.” 

“The beacons, guh, at the depot on the - whew - the other end, Commander,” grunted Williams as she gave the last pushes to a crate, setting it right in place for a half wall cover. “The ship can’t land before we clear the geth, either.”

“Easy, two birds one stone,” said Shepard as he went over to where the transport would stop. There was a little switchboard box that he fiddled with using his omni tool. “Alenko, Williams; get on the transport when I tell you. Keep the geth on board.” When he was done, he held out his hand to Alenko and he gave back the rifle.

“Get into cover for now. I’ll shoot until their guns come into range,” he said as laid down on the ground. Smaller target, also steadier hand. He tapped his comms to stay on as he fired. He tried to hit as best as he could, but he was mostly trying to make the geth timid when they arrived.

“Joker, come in.”

“We hear you, Commander. What’s your status?”

“One casualty and one wounded,” listed Shepard. “The specter is in critical condition, pick up at this location.”

“Belay that order,” snaked in another voice. The captain. “Do you have the beacon, Commander?”

“Negative, still in pursuit,” responded Shepard, gritting his teeth. “I repeat, Specter is in critical condition.”

Static. The transport was coming in and it was easier to make out the geth. He fired more intentionally, harassing the front row.

“Denied, landing zone is still hostile,” said Anderson.

“It won’t be in a minute, proceed to landing zone, Joker,” instructed Shepard as he got up and hid behind the column of the steel overhang. The screeching of the transport’s brake came in hot and loud, drowning out the captain. He cut the connection.

The first push of geth was just three units that leapt off onto the platform. As Alenko and Williams fired away, Shepard stayed in his hide hole monitoring his omni tool. Almost there. He didn’t have the access codes to the transports software, but it only had commercial grade security. It was incongruent with the passive programs he had running, so it was being finicky. The three geth were cleared and another round was about come jumping. Done.

“Get on!”

Shepard stepped out and point blank shot a geth in the chest. A long barreled shotgun if you will. Him and Alenko overloaded the two others. Alenko’s overload was weaker, so Williams assisted by blowing out its legs as she dashed for the transport. Once the three were on, ducking behind crates strapped down as a whole platoon of geth shot at them, Shepard brought up the switch in his hack.

“Brace yourselves!” warned Shepard and turned it on. The transport jolted as it shifted back into movement. A few geth that had started advancing toppled over, a chorus of whining ‘zzrrt’s in the air. The transport began to pick up speed and rumbled under their feet.

“Shoot until the transport reaches top speed,” ordered Shepard, eye already up to his scope. “What’s the range on your biotics, Alenko?”

“Depends on- object and- duration, Commander,” answered Alenko in between gunshots. “Anywhere from- ten to thirty- meters, sir.”

“What about lifting a geth two meters upwards for three seconds?” asked Shepard, spying a juggernaut of a geth heading down the gangway. It put away its assault rifle away and hurtled itself towards them, the wind pushing its back. The transport was really accelerating now.

“Sir?” responded Alenko, dropping behind cover, confused.

“Try that big guy,” said Shepard. He shouted over to their soldier, “Don’t fire at the big one, Williams! Alenko will take care of it! In three...”

Alenko balked but started prepping a lift anyway. Williams fired rounds at the mid range geth, trying to ignore her instincts to take out the monstrosity on its way over. It was gaining on them, she could make out the pattern on its armor.

“Two...”

It switched to a shotgun and Alenko did not want to be close and personal for that. He could see the sinews in the thighs.

“One!”

Alenko lifted it two meters up for three seconds. A biotic lift does not stop the acceleration at which an object is moving. So the giant geth went from sprinting towards them to an airborne hunk of metal flying forward. It promptly flung itself off the transport, bursting into scrap as it hit the rails behind them.

“This transport’s gonna hit at least 200 kilometers per hour, if not faster,” explained Shepard. “Lift them above cover high enough; acceleration and gravity will do the rest.” He settled down behind the crate and looked over at the lieutenant with a ghost of a smile forming. “What’s your max range for that?” 

“Only three seconds? Forty meters, give or take,” said Alenko. “But I can’t do it too many times in a row.”

“Stay down and recover in between, then,” said Shepard calmly, getting back up to shoot with his omni tool glowing. “We’ll take care of the rest.” 

Alenko didn’t know what to make of the commander anymore. He was completely different from the display he’d seen after the relay jump. Shepard had struggled to even make eye contact with him and Joker, let alone speak. So this is how he survived Akuze. Living in the moment and no where else.

“Normandy has landed, Commander,” said Joker over the radio. “Pick up is secure.”

“Thank you, Lieutenant,” answered Shepard. 

“Captain is major pissed at you, by the way.”

“Delightful, send him my regards,” and Shepard cut the line for the second to last time during his mission on Eden Prime.

His final call will not be so flippant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one’s a doozy! I’ve been thinking about this sections for days and how it would play out. This time I focused more on how Williams and Alenko were faring during the mission, which was fun. They’ll have more agency in the future. Next chapter, actually. How exciting!


	12. The Chosen One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beacon is found at last, but Shepard makes a horrible mistake, leading Alenko to risk his own life to save him.

After systematically ousting geth and letting their bodies be smashed along the transport/rails, Alenko was pretty tired even with breaks. Shepard overloaded the rest and tried, unsuccessfully, to hack the geth into firing each other. It would take further study in his down time, if Shepard could get off this forsaken colony. Williams switched to her own sniper rifle, glad to be able to stay in one place instead of constantly running at the commander’s breakneck pace. She was not as great a shot while sniping, but managed to score a high body count. 

Eventually the transport was clean of enemies, and the squad got a much needed rest as they were carried to the beacon. Because of the wailing wind that coursed around them, they switched to full helmet settings and spoke over radio as they sat down in a circle at the front.

“Here,” said Shepard and gave his last two flash bangs to Williams. “I don’t know what we’ll run into when we arrive, but I trust your aim more than mine.” She took them with a nod of thanks.

“Mission objective is still to secure the beacon,” he continued. “If the beacon is intact, treat it like an ancient relic - because it is one. Protheans built their tech to last, but entropy is universal. This beacon is most likely ten thousand years old. Do not, I repeat, do not shoot anywhere near, around, or at the beacon.” 

“That goes without saying, sir,” cut in Williams.

“Fantastic,” said Shepard. “Then you also know not to touch the beacon, in fact, don’t go near it. Because if you do, I will shoot you.”

“Are threats really necessary, Commander?” asked Alenko.

“I’ve had enough centuries old probes and satellites ruined by dumb mistakes to know that, yes, Lieutenant, sometimes threats are necessary,” answered Shepard, anger slipping in. The dark where he kept holes and hearts broiled deep within. “I also think enough people have died for this beacon to warrant taking extra precaution. Don’t you?”

The whistling wind filled the silence. The commander waited for a response. Alenko couldn’t see his eyes, but the tilt of his head and squareness of his shoulders were hard to look at directly. Alenko dropped his gaze. Williams made sure the flash bangs were fastened correctly, gathering her thoughts. When she was done, she said softly, “That’s not fair - to either of us.”

In a tone harder, colder even, she added, “And you know it.”

Shepard slowly leaned back against the command console they were huddled behind. Williams knew all too well how many people had died. A whole colony. Her platoon and many more like them, too. He glanced out at the fields. A wild fire was building, consuming the seeds they’d sown for the future. He grimaced and looked down at the empty floor between the three of them. It was lined by their muddied boots, speckled black, blue and white with inhuman blood. All three of them marked by today.

He heard Anderson in the back of his head.

This isn’t about you, Shepard.

“I’m sorry,” he said. He let the words hang there for a moment. But only a moment. He eased himself forward and held out his omni tool, it was already glowing bright. “Show me your omni tools, I can try and over-clock them to get you guys better shields.”

They hesitated. His gut twisted; he’d earned that. Alenko extended his arm first. After a second, and an unreadable stare, Williams offered hers, too. He got to work.

__________

Alenko and Williams fiddled with their omni tools. Williams’ received the most heavy alterations since she relied on her guns rather than her tech. Her shields were almost on par with Shepard’s, now. Alenko’s overload received a buff along with his shields, but nothing extreme in order to maintain balance.

The depot was in sight by the time the commander had finished. Shepard looked through the scope of his rifle, hoping to catch a glimpse of activity. There was a weird movement on the bridge that crossed over the railway. The geth were carrying something big. It was long and cylindrical. It didn’t mimic the geth design, though. It was familiar. He saw something similar on a mining asteroid and oh no-

“That’s a bomb,” said Shepard. 

Alenko and Williams looked up. Shepard waved them over and they joined him at his perch. Williams let Alenko borrow her assault rifle.

“There’s movement on the balcony,” said Alenko, squinting down the magnified crosshairs.

“Another bomb by the looks of it,” added Williams as she adjusted the scope of her sniper rifle. “I think they’re setting up a third one farther in.”

“Not to alarm you, but...” began Shepard, trying to figure out how to word it less bad. He winced as he said, “There’s enough explosive to destroy the entire colony.” Williams pulled away from her rifle.

“Commander, there’s still survivors-” she blurted and Shepard held up a hand.

“I know,” he said. “Change of plans. Deactivating the bombs takes first priority. I can do it, but it’s going to take all of my attention. Lieutenant!”

Alenko turned away from his scope.

“Your job is to cover me while I work; I will not move until I’m done, even if I’m being fired at. Do you understand?” asked Shepard.

“Yes, sir,” said Alenko, swallowing hard. If he messed up, the commander wouldn’t save himself. It was a level of trust that felt unearned, but was his all the same. It weighed heavy on his shoulders.

“Williams, refer to the Lieutenant until all the bombs are cleared, understood?” 

“Understood, sir,” said Williams as she took back her assault rifle from Alenko.

“Coordinate, I need to get ready,” Shepard got out his omni tool and skimmed for which decryption program could help him speed up the process. He tuned the other two out. Make, grade, model; he tried to remember. Known weaknesses and strengths? Failsafes in case he tripped the wrong thing? How much could his omni tool run while keeping up his shields? How long could it last if he over-clocked it? What if a battle ensued after the bombs were deactivated, how long would his shields need to last for?

Shepard whittled away the concerns until he had a solid set up for diffusing the bomb. 

The transport screeched to a halt and he set his helmet back to visor mode. The air tasted foul but he didn’t want to use his suit’s oxygen up. He got off onto the platform where one of the bombs was waiting for him like a present. There was no cover in front of it and he could hear the rounds of gun fire hitting the ground around him. But that was Alenko’s problem, not his. So he crouched down and started tapping away at the bomb’s interface as the blasts ate through his shields.

Alenko prided himself on retaining his composure. Calm in the face of fury. It was an ethos he stuck to ever since that twisted incident with his instructor, and, although the circumstances were dire, he decided today would be no different. 

As the transport pulled in, he absorbed the scene around him. Platform, stairs, bridge, balcony, stairs further in to port. Geth marched in from the port, running to line up at the bridge and balcony as the transport halted. He looked behind him. Shepard was exposed and being shot at already, the bomb was in the open. 

Okay, so today might be a little different.

“Williams, flash bang the bridge and storm it!” he shouted as he moved in front of Shepard. He made a biotic shield. It was limited, but it could take the fire from the balcony directly. Williams tossed up the flash bang neatly onto the bridge, startling the geth. She ran up the stairs as it went off, firing before she’d cleared the steps.

Williams drew some of the fire away from Alenko, but he was feeling the rapid rounds taking its toll. He crouched down in front of Shepard and made the shield smaller to last longer. The geth switched to firing at Williams and she ran for cover on the other side behind a wall. Which was hiding one of the other bombs. It happened to display how much time was left.

“Two and half minutes!” shrieked Williams, almost choking on the words. Alenko paled.

“Next one!” yelled Shepard as he got up and raced for the stairs. Alenko dropped the shield and biotic pulled a geth from the balcony to block the aim of the others. It soon exploded as it took the brunt of the fire, but by then Shepard was already half way across the bridge. Williams fired at the row of geth, pushing them back behind cover as Shepard skidded to a halt in front of the second bomb. He crouched and typed away, same procedure. At least he has cover for this one, thought Alenko as he made his way to the middle of the bridge.

He spotted the hiding geth and pulled another out for Williams to shoot. A burst of pain shot through his head and he gasped, losing his grip. He used it too soon. The geth noticed him and fired from cover. Williams tossed the last flash bang, blinding the geth and giving Alenko time to get behind the wall. 

“Plan?” she asked when he almost ran into her.

“You take point, I’ll assist with an overload and a pull. We need to clear the way for the commander to the last bomb,” he said quickly. “Ready?”

“Ready.” 

“Go!” 

Williams got out from behind the wall and marched towards the geth, pumping a shotgun. Alenko followed closely behind with an overload ready, prepping the pull this time. It still hurt but he gritted his teeth through it. A geth popped out and he overloaded before it could shoot. It fell to the ground immediately and Williams shot the geth standing behind it. A series of geth came out ahead of them, blasting away at Williams’ shields. She kept going. There was no time to hide behind cover. Alenko used his pull to float one of the geth in front of them, taking the heat off Williams. He finally felt collected as they went until he heard-

“Last one!”

And Shepard sprinted past him and Williams. Alenko almost grabbed him, but he didn’t know how much time was left so he let the commander go. He would just have to keep up. He got out his pistol and ran beside Williams, ganging up on the last two geth as a dead one drifted past. The third bomb was also behind a wall, giving Shepard cover. Alenko’s relief was almost palpable. 

There were stairs leading down to the port where more geth swarmed. His jaw hurt and he heard the telltale sound of the spires lowering.

“We’ve got thralls incoming!” shouted Williams and switched to her assault rifle. She stood from the top of the stairs firing until her shields were down. She retreated to cover as Alenko took over. There were still a few geth units shooting from behind shipping containers on the left and the thralls, as Williams put it, were trickling in from both left and right. Alenko was going to start shooting the thralls until he noticed at the back edge of the port, smack dab in the middle of his sights, was the beacon. It was big, tall, plain, and, most importantly, intact.

Something moaned on his left. A flock of thralls were half way up the stairs. They’re faster than you think. The front one dove for Alenko’s feet with an electric burst, frying his pistol. He panicked and gave it a hard kick, using his biotics without realizing. It fell backwards, taking down the thralls behind it like dominos. Only problem was that the stairs were L shaped, so they piled up at the first landing. He checked his pistol, waving it in the air like a Polaroid picture. He didn’t know if that made it cool down faster, but it made him feel better.

Williams made a running start and hopped over the railing, calling out, “Flanking!” as she tucked and rolled onto the next floor. She took cover behind a shipping container to keep out of geth line of sight and fired at the thralls.

Alenko crouched down and fired at the slower thralls still running between containers to keep them off Williams. His shields were being eaten by geth plasma rounds, but if Williams got fried she was done for. He managed to clear the ground floor of thralls just as his shields gave out. A shot hit him in the head and knocked him down. He felt all the air in his lungs whoosh out in one go as his head and back banged onto the floor. Dizzy, and grateful for his helmet, he struggled to get his back up from the ground. A shadow fell over him as he collapsed back down, still gulping for air.

“Are you ok, Lieutenant?” asked Shepard, his head blocking out the sun.

“Yeah, just winded,” answered Alenko. “Bombs?”

“Disarmed. Stay down, don’t move your head,” ordered the commander and went up to the railing with his rifle. Alenko relaxed and did as told. He wouldn’t mind a power nap. It didn’t take that many shots until the air was quiet again.

“Williams, clear either side of the port, stay away from the beacon!” shouted Shepard. “I need to check on Alenko.”

“Yes, sir!”

The commander came back into view, his omni tool out and scanning. After a few seconds he smiled, patted Alenko on the chest and said, “Minor whiplash. You’re lucky, Lieutenant.”

“Permission to stay down, sir?” asked Alenko. Shepard shook his head with a snicker and offered a hand. Alenko took it with a groan and was pulled up into standing position.

“Commander!” called Williams from down below. “The beacon’s making noise! And glowing!”

Shepard sighed and went down the stairs, stepping over dead thralls. Alenko followed, rubbing the back of his neck and slowly moving his head around. His jaw was hurting and he was going to ask the commander about it until he heard the noise. The closer they got to the beacon, the stronger the ache became.

“Williams, keep watch. Alenko, radio the Normandy for pick up,” said Shepard and they each turned to their duties. He took a step forward and Alenko grabbed his shoulder.

“I thought you said not to go near the beacon, sir?” he asked. Shepard scowled and pushed away his hand.

“The beacon needs to be checked for damages before being handled,” explained Shepard. “And since I’m the one most qualified to do that out of the entire crew, I’d like to get started.” A pause. He added, more kindly this time, “It’s alright, Lieutenant.”

Alenko relented with a muttered, “Yes, sir.”

Shepard smiled, like Nihlus did for him. He turned his back before his face fell, wondering if Nihlus would make it. Hopefully Chakwas and Tsung knew enough about Turian anatomy to help him. He got out his omni tool as he walked over, readying a non invasive scan to see what was going on inside. He’d like to turn off the beacon if he could. Having it run while being moved around could jumble whatever fragile wires lay inside and start a fire.

Shepard stumbled forward, like he’d been hit by a gust of wind. He didn’t feel a draft on his face, though. There was a strange force around him, pulling him forward. His first instinct was to grind to a halt, but his feet started sliding along the concrete. He tried to turn around, to push against the force. He could barely move. There was an echo of calls for ‘commander’ and ‘Shepard’, but one stuck out to him.

“Travis!”

Alenko knew his first name? The strain of resisting made it impossible to talk. He only managed a gasp and something like a cough. He wished he knew Alenko’s first name, but he had never thought to ask. Or really, had the courage to ask. A faint outline of blue glowed around him but flickered out. Alenko’s pull wasn’t strong enough.

Good idea, though, thought Shepard, letting his feet slide. He wanted to get it over with. Better him than them.

Someone ran into him, pushing him a step forward. They wrapped their arms around him and he started to glow blue more intensely this time. Alenko? Shepard felt himself be tossed aside, the biotics giving him just enough thrust to escape the pull of the beacon. 

“Alenko!”

Williams caught him and they fell backwards. He scrambled to get up, but Williams had no intention of letting him go. Although she’d been run ragged, she could still over power him and keep him in place. His arms uselessly reached out to Alenko as he was dragged in.

“Commander, stop, it’s too dangerous!” shouted Williams as the hum grew louder and louder. A decisive thrum came from the beacon and it pulled Alenko upwards into the air. Shepard struggled harder against Williams. He didn’t know her name either. Even though he’d been in charge of her life. What was Jenkins’ first name?

The beacon started to whine until it became a scream. Then it boomed, sparks and smoke flying out as it dropped Alenko. Williams let go, giving Shepard just enough time to dive forward and catch his head before it hit the ground. The commander sat there dumbly, holding the lieutenant’s head an inch above the concrete. Alenko’s nose was bleeding and he should do something, but he didn’t know where to start. A beating heart would be good. Breathing lungs, too. 

Alenko had neither. 

Shepard’s N4 training kicked in and he automatically got to work. It was mechanical, second nature after redoing the exams so many times. Later he would be unable to recall what he said when he radioed the Normandy, what he told Williams while she gave CPR as he got out the defibrillator, or if he remembered to say clear when he applied the shocks. The Normandy landed just as Alenko took in a deep breath. He didn’t wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another big chapter!
> 
> In the game, it makes sense to have the player get all the weird or interesting experiences, but when you think about it Shepard has waaaaaaay too much on their plate over the trilogy. As for why Kaiden, while it would have been fun to have Ashley get an arc learning to empathize with aliens via Thorian mind magic (gosh it was tempting), he makes a nice calm foil for this neurotic version of Shepard. I think this Shepard also needs an empathetic character to be his equal to make it through the story because I’ve written him into being a hot mess. 
> 
> :’) you can do it, Shepard!


	13. The Guilty Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dealing with the aftermath of Eden Prime is no easy task for our squad, and our engineer begins to question if he has what it takes to be a leader... and if, maybe, deep down, he wants to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are! You! Ready! For!  
> Talking about your feelings?  
> 

Williams wasn’t used to being a wallflower. Alenko was in sickbay along with Nihlus and visitors were not allowed. Even Shepard was kicked out after assisting with Nihlus’ surgery just an hour later. When he came out, Williams followed after him but kept her distance. She wasn’t sure how to talk to him. If she should talk to him. Until then, after she had reported to Pressly, she’d been pretending to check her weapons and clean them, occasionally walking between the two upper floors.

Williams didn’t know what to do with herself on the Normandy. Everyone had a station, a place to be, a thing to do. There was no one to ask where to go, and she didn’t feel comfortable sitting anywhere.

She stopped following when Shepard was pulled aside by a crew member and taken down below. Technically, she could sit somewhere and rest. But that felt wrong. She wandered down into the cargo hold after pacing back and forth for half an hour. There she found technicians walking between rows of battered geth and ruined thralls. She didn’t know where to go until she spotted Shepard crouched over one of the more intact thralls. She silently walked over and hoped no one would mind or paid attention to her.

“Commander,” she greeted quietly. He didn’t look at her, distracted by his omni tool. She waited, rubbing the palms of her hands through her suit, hoping he would say something. Maybe tell her off for stopping him. Or thank her. He was hard to read. As the moment stretched, he cleared his throat and closed his omni tool. 

“They’re not slaves,” said Shepard without looking at her. 

“Pardon?” she whispered.

“Or thralls, or whatever you said earlier,” he gestured to sit. She crouched down, not wanting to get too close to the mutated, and mutilated, corpse. 

“There’s no input from the geth to the...” Shepard searched for the right word. “...the husk. The brain is practically destroyed in the process. The organs stop functioning and liquify.”

He put his hands on the stomach where it was bisected and shifted the skin apart. Williams held her breath. It was empty inside, lined inky black. Surprised, she sniffed the air. It didn’t smell. She craned her neck to get a better look.

“The dragons teeth provide the virus which transforms the body,” said Shepard.

“Dragons teeth?” she asked.

“That’s what the others have taken to calling the spires,” he explained. “I think it’s rather fantastical, but I admit the process of hollowing mystifies me. It changes the body from organic to inorganic.”

“What does that mean?”

“It effects the body on a cellular level and turns them into... a kind of machine. It’s hard to... to put into layman’s terms. But their organs become obsolete. That’s why they’re not slaves,” he seemed to brace himself for something, then turned to look at her. Their eyes met and he quickly shifted to looking at the body again. “There’s nothing human left, inside or out. They’re not coming back to life, they’re just hollow machines doing as they’re programmed.”

They both looked at the body. A hollow machine, thought Williams, the soul long gone, thank God.

“Does that... comfort you in any way?” asked Shepard. “There’s no one trapped inside, is what I mean. If that’s what was worrying you. Sorry, I’m not very... uhh..” 

Williams had noticed earlier that talking may not be his strong suit, but he was clearly struggling now they were off the battlefield.

“It helps,” she said and he looked relieved. She thought for a moment and murmured, “It’s sad how the geth made them a shadow of what they used to be.”

“Sad. Yeah,” said Shepard guiltily, a lie of omission. The geth didn’t make them. Yes, the husks were hollow machines, but a virus that could change a creature on a cellular level that fast? That was more advanced than any of the geth here. He’d discuss it with Adams, sure, but Williams had been through enough today. She didn’t need to know just yet.

Williams. He wanted to ask her name, but he wasn’t sure how. He thought back to his conversation with Nihlus, how well the turian was able to read him and talk with him. Follow. He tried to look at her again, easing himself into it as he said, “I assume Gunnery Chief is not your given name?”

“No,” she stifled a laugh and, ashamed, looked around to see if anyone noticed. “No it is not.”

Shepard stood up and she did the same. He held out a hand to her and said, “Travis.”

“Ashley,” she replied and shook it.

“I’ll show you where you can get settled down and washed up,” he offered, his hand slipping back to his side. He forced it to stay still, even though he desperately wanted to crack his knuckles. “We’ve got enough bunks, it’s just a skeleton crew onboard.”

“Thanks,” she said and meant it. 

____________

When Shepard exited back into the hallway, done with his tour, he saw the captain walking about the commons. That was not a confrontation he wanted to have. Jenkins was dead, Nihlus was in and out of surgery, Alenko was in a coma, and the beacon was destroyed. He looked for an escape route, but the captain saw him and waved him over. He could always go out the airlock. He still had his suit on. Trying to hide a grimace, Shepard did as beckoned.

____________

Shepard had never been in the captain’s quarters before. It was roomy with a large bed in the back. It even had a table with chairs. Anderson gestured to sit down. Shepard didn’t want to, he was still in his armor, three types of blood on it. He’d never gotten time to get clean. But now was not the time to have a bad attitude, he had a lot to answer for. He sat down. Anderson sat across from him, putting his elbows on the table and pressing his mouth to his clasped hands. A prayer? Maybe he was asking for forgiveness before tearing Shepard a new one.

“How are you feeling?” asked Anderson. That one threw him for a loop and he accidentally answered honestly, “Like crap.”

“Things didn’t go according to plan,” said Anderson. He was calm. Too calm. 

“Bit of an understatement, Captain,” replied Shepard and he bit his tongue. Stop it. 

“You disobeyed my order for radio silence. Can you explain why?” 

“We had no idea what we were walking into,” hissed Shepard, trying as hard as he could to keep the anger down. “Communicating was the only way to stay safe and informed. Knowing nothing was what got Jenkins killed, I didn’t break silence until after he died.” 

Anderson didn’t say anything. The quiet unnerved Shepard. He unclenched his fists under the table.

“As for Nihlus...” Shepard trailed off. Shot in the back of the head by someone he knew. It was a lot of blood, more than he thought would be inside a skull. He continued in a low voice, “If I hadn’t been on the radio with him, I wouldn’t have known to run. He would have bled out if I hadn’t.”

But being on the radio could have also revealed Nihlus’ position, letting Saren find him. Shepard didn’t say that point out loud.

“Ok,” said Anderson. It was barely more than a whisper. Shepard hated this. It was too quiet to be loud, to be angry, to yell. 

“And the beacon?”

His stomach lurched.

“The beacon, it was-,” Shepard stopped, shook his head and restarted, “I was going to inspect it, but I’ve never dealt with prothean tech like that before, I didn’t- I didn’t,” he got stuck again, took a breath and said, “I didn’t know it would...” but he didn’t know how to explain it, the way it pulled at him, how strong it was. He skipped it and continued, “Alenko managed to switch places with me and it just- it took him. It held him up in the air, and- and I don’t know what it did to him, but then the beacon exploded and his heart stopped.” He screwed his eyes shut. They were aching. He blinked back the threat of tears, he was mortified at the thought of crying in front of the captain, and said, “I don’t know what happened.”

“Ok,” said Anderson again. Still so calm, like a priest at confessional.

“But it’s not ok,” Shepard’s voice was weak, small. He tried to recover it, but it came out hoarse, “None of this is ok. I’m not ok with it, I would never be-” his voice winked out of existence. The lump in his throat was so big, it felt like he was being strangled.

“No one is blaming you, Commander,” said Anderson. Shepard gave him a withering look of disbelief. Anderson straightened up in his seat, resting his hands on the table, and said, firmly, “I know you’re not the kind of man that would sabotage a mission for personal gain.” 

Anderson leaned forward, like he was sharing a secret. 

“Do you know how I know that?” he asked. Shepard couldn’t meet his stare, confused, and looked down, shaking his head.

“Because, according to Gunnery Chief Williams’ account, you run into direct fire like an absolute maniac-” 

Shepard cringed. 

“-to save as many people as you can,” said Anderson. “And I think that’s been true since Akuze. I don’t know of anyone else who would footrace a thresher maw to make sure the rescue team was safe.” 

Shepard seemed torn, but Anderson could tell he would come around. He was a survivor, he couldn’t be kept down for long. Just a little more time.

“We can discuss Saren and the geth later,” he said, rising from his seat. “For now, wash up and rest while you can. You’re positively filthy.”

Shepard tried to stifle a delirious laugh as he rose from his seat. He gave Anderson a salute, “Captain.”

Anderson nodded, “Dismissed.”

_____________

Being clean is a luxury, thought Ashley. There were few things as satisfying as pealing off sweaty dirty armor and getting into fresh clothes. She had also slept for a solid ten hours and was up again to check if med bay was open yet. The commander was waiting by the doors, leaning against the wall. He absentmindedly fidgeted with his hands. When he saw her walking towards him, he put his hands behind his back and stood up straighter. Alarmed, she stopped and saluted. He scowled, but then his face softened and he looked embarrassed. 

“At ease, Chief,” he said. “Are you here to check on Alenko?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Me, too, but Chakwas won’t let me in unless it’s for Nihlus.”

“Nihlus? I don’t see the connection, sir.”

“His condition is delicate. Part of my N7 training included alien anatomy, so I’ve been assisting whenever he gets critical,” he leaned back against the wall and went back to fidgeting with his hands. Ashley relaxed. Then he said, “I spoke to the captain about you.” 

“You did?” she tensed up again. He gave her an understanding grin and said, “Don’t worry, I only had nice things to say.” She didn’t look like she believed him. He looked at her curiously, a thought in play, and pushed off the wall again, standing straight and proper with his hands clasped behind his back. 

“Captain Anderson has asked that you remain stationed on the Normandy. You have the right to leave, if you so wish, but I’d also appreciate it if you stayed,” he said. He leaned forward, like he was sharing for a secret, “Tell me what’s on your mind.”

“My platoon...” she said and looked down at the floor between them. “I know you need a replacement for Jenkins, but being an only survivor isn’t a great record, sir.”

He blinked. It was weird for him to be on the other side of this conversation. He began to understand Anderson a little bit better as he thought of what to say.

“It’s kind of funny,” he said.

Ashley looked up at him, confused and perhaps offended.

“A couple of days ago, I told the captain the same thing, but here I am,” he said with a pained smile. Ashley felt her face go slack with surprise. “And here you are,” he went on. “And I wouldn’t have been able to get halfway across Eden Prime without you. That’s why I recommended you, Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. There’s no one else I’d rather have on my squad.” 

He punctuated this with a salute, clicking his heels. Ashley returned the salute, bright and proud. It was a feeling she didn’t expect to have after running through Hell, but like he said, here she was in spite of it all. 

Shepard wondered if he had looked like her just hours ago in front of Anderson. He still wasn’t sure when to be blunt and when to be soft as a leader. He wished he hadn’t skipped a rank straight to commander, it was a significant learning curve. Wait, what?

Shepard dropped the salute and returned to his shrinking violet self. He never wanted to be a commander or in charge of a squad in the first place, especially not on the battle field. What was he thinking? He wasn’t a leader, he was just mimicking those around him. He didn’t have enough experience, he wasn’t qualified for this. 

But he also wasn’t an idiot. He did complete the mission. Ashley, Alenko, and Nihlus were (mostly) alive, and the colony didn’t blow up. Anderson didn’t court martial him. He wasn’t hopeless. He couldn’t get himself to believe it, though.

Ashley noticed a physical change in the commander. He deflated, like he could only be tall for a minute at a time. He seemed bewildered and conflicted. She didn’t want to break decorum but...

“Are you alright?” she asked. He snapped to, like he’d forgotten she was there. He suddenly looked achingly tired. Behind him the med bay doors opened up and Shepard thanked the stars that he wouldn’t have to come up with an answer.

“Get the captain and everyone else you’ve communicated with,” said Chakwas, as grim as the grave. The stars stomped on his thanks and handed it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much talking. Ooooooooooh so much talking. Next chapter as well, and probably the one after that unless I skip forward a bit.
> 
> I thought the action scenes were too many and missed dialogue scenes, but now it’s reversed! Ah, when will I win? I also made an oopsy and misremembered husks as thralls, but I turned it into a character... moment... thing. Flawless!


	14. So Much More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew discusses how much they should tell the Council about what transpired on Eden Prime. Our engineer finds himself asking for more responsibility. What’s wrong, is he sick? Shepard also shares a bonding moment with the resident biotic and begins to understand that people are worth so much more than than they think, himself included.

Anderson, Ashley, Joker, Pressly, and Shepard had no where to sit in the med bay. Well, except for Alenko, because he was still unconscious and laid out neatly on one of the metal slabs. Chakwas and Tsung guarded the doors to the back office where Nihlus was kept.

“We can’t tell the Council he’s dead,” said Anderson, rubbing his forehead. Tsung was fuming. She said, “We haven’t spent the last twelve hours saving this man’s life so he could be murdered again, Captain.”

“I doubt Saren is operating under the Council’s guidance,” said Anderson. “Udina would rather have a specter in a coma than be flat out dead. With the beacon destroyed, we’re working with very little goodwill here.”

“What about the turians, sir?” asked Pressly. “They’ve never been mankind’s friend, we can’t rule them out as the culprit behind the attack on Eden Prime.”

“And risk their seat on the Council? I doubt it,” muttered Joker. 

Anderson frowned at him, but answered, “Saren has always been a rogue agent, it doesn’t surprise me that his hatred for humanity would take him this far.”

Joker piped up, “Do we even have enough evidence?”

Anderson and Pressly glared at him but he continued, “Not to be a downer, but all we’ve got is half a message over comms and one human witness. Not exactly an airtight case, if you ask me, sir.” 

“It wouldn’t take much to kill Nihlus right now,” cut in Chakwas. “If Saren finds out he’s alive...”

“He would stop at nothing to silence him,” completed Anderson, a dark knowing expression forming. “Telling the Council could leak the information back to Saren. You’re right, we have to tell them he’s dead, Udina be damned.”

He sighed. 

“I’ll pull what strings I can with C-Sec to keep the investigation contained. Any idea when he’ll wake up?”

Tsung shrugged, “Your guess is as good as mine. He needs a doctor- a turian one.”

“There’s only so much we can do,” explained Chakwas. “And we’re exhausted. It’s not just his brain, being shot from behind also severely damaged the articulation in half of his face. Reattaching the tendons and muscles, as well as repairing his face plates, is not within our expertise.” 

“I can’t call a doctor for a dead turian,” said Anderson. 

“Just have C-Sec call in a good turian doctor or whatever to be medical examiner,” interrupted Joker, yet again. “Say it’s for impartiality or something, I don’t know, I’m not a lawyer. Can I go fly the ship now, Captain?”

“No. There’s one last matter to discuss,” seethed Anderson. “Do we tell them about Alenko.”

Everyone turned to look at him, still passed out on one of the metal slabs sticking out of the wall.

“Saren tried to destroy the beacon before we go to it, Captain,” said Ashley. “The lieutenant has just as much a target on his back as Nihlus.”

“Are you suggesting we also keep this from the council? How do we explain the beacon being ruined?” asked Pressly with a scoff. He added with a sneer, “You’re punching above your weight, Williams.”

Ashley’s expression became glum but not surprised. Pressly was a veteran of the First Contact war, of course he’d know her grandfather. Shepard, however, didn’t know and didn’t care for what he was seeing. He stepped forward.

“Don’t-” hissed Shepard and abruptly bit his tongue. Pressly was taken aback, alarmed. The room waited for him to finish his sentence. Don’t talk to her like that, is what he’d wanted to say. To step in as her commander, pull rank to back her up. But then he would have to acknowledge he was a commander now. He clenched his hands behind his back. “Don’t keep it from the Council. We can use it to draw Saren out. He’s already messed up twice, he’s bound to do it again.”

Chakwas shook her head, “You’re not using one of my patients as bait.”

“We’ll say I used the beacon,” said Shepard without hesitation. Taking the line of fire was something he could. It was simple, just survive. The room was speechless. Ashley was not, “Commander, I’ll do it-”

“No, you won’t, Chief,” said Shepard sharply. Ashley shut her mouth, thinking to her self, he’s tall again. 

Shepard continued, “Alenko was shot in the head during a firefight, his helmet took the blow and he was knocked out. He has the whiplash to prove it, that’s why he was carried on board. Williams will shadow me as bodyguard since I have whatever was on the beacon in my head. I’ll investigate Saren on my own and run around exposed on the Citadel.” 

Anderson regarded him with something like amusement

“Then it’s decided,” said the captain with a clap of his hands. “Nihlus is dead and only the commander touched the beacon. Back to your stations, dismissed.”

“Finally,” said Joker and Ashley elbowed him.

__________________________

Shepard shifted down lower in his seat as he yawned. He watched Nihlus’ chest go up and down, even and slow, in the bed across from him. Nihlus had been stable for a while now, he should be fine until they reach the Citadel. Shepard rubbed his face with his hands, trying to stay awake. Chakwas and Tsung were getting much needed sleep because he was taking watch. The door swished open behind him and he turned in his seat.

“Hey,” whispered Alenko. He smiled and walked in, carrying a chair. He set it down next to Shepard and took a seat. He was in fatigues and smelled like soap.

“Hey,” replied Shepard quietly, delayed and half distracted by the movement. “I didn’t know you were awake.”

“Sorry, I had to report to the captain first,” said Alenko while making himself comfortable. He didn’t call him sir or commander. Were they being candid? Shepard sure hoped so, being Commander was still new and tricky for him.

“Are you ok?” asked Shepard.

“Yeah, Chakwas checked me over. I can do night shift with you,” said Alenko, shifting down in his seat like Shepard. That’s right, he had first responder training, too.

“No, I meant,” Shepard struggled with how to approach it. Or really how to approach this person who willingly sacrificed their life for his. He wanted to help. Make things even. “Are you... ok.”

Alenko stared at him blankly. Then he looked down at his hands sitting limply in his lap. Cogs were turning, calculations being made, pros and cons weighed. He got kind of... stuck on a loop.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” said Shepard, even more quietly than before, careful not to address him by rank. He’d accidentally triggered a salute from Ashley earlier, he didn’t want that to happen now. Alenko looked conflicted.

“I’m sorry about-” said Shepard. “Well, a lot of things, but I am really sorry about Richard. Losing him five minutes after touching ground...” Shepard shook his head.

“Richard L. Jenkins,” started Alenko, thinking of how to put it. “He always did act before he could think. Very excitable. He had a very romantic notion of serving.” He smiled, nostalgic. “I couldn’t get him to shut up about you when we found out you were being stationed on the Normandy.”

“What? No, you’re joking,” Shepard pointed at himself. “Me?”

“Yes, you,” Alenko chuckled. “He kept going on about Akuze: man vs monster, overcoming unbeatable odds, laughing in the face of danger. The way he would tell it, you killed a thresher maw with a shovel. I told him not to bring it up, I didn’t think you’d appreciate it.”

“Akuze isn’t really a story I like to tell,” admitted Shepard. “But I did keep the shovel. A good reminder to not give up.”

“Wait,” said Alenko. “You really only had a shovel?”

“No, I also had a pistol, my omni tool, and the MAKO, plus whatever was inside it.”

“Oh, so you killed the thresher maw with the MAKO.”

"Mmm, I’m pretty sure the thresher maw is still alive,” said Shepard, squinting. “And I only fired the MAKO once.”

“Were you out of ammunition?”

“Nah, it exploded,” said Shepard plainly. Alenko waited. And waited.

“You can’t-” said Alenko, his hands covering his face. He dragged them down his cheeks, miserable. “You can’t say that and not explain.”

Shepard glanced over at Nihlus. Follow. Shepard smiled cautiously and said, with an underlying nervousness, “Only if you tell me something first. Tit for tat, my friend, I don’t make the rules.”

Alenko dropped his hands to his lap, distant. Back to cogs turning. He lost him again. 

“You can start with your name,” prompted Shepard. That brought Alenko back. He was still debating on the inside, still wrangling with something, but he did open his mouth.

“Kaiden.”

“Kaiden,” repeated Shepard. “Kaiden Alenko. Ashley Williams. You’ve both got good names.” That caught Kaiden off guard. He said, “Is that so.”

“Travis Shepard doesn’t really roll off the tongue in the same way, but...” Shepard paused. Should he tell him? Maybe it’ll help open him up. Tit for tat and all that. “But that might be because I’m not used to the name yet.”

“You changed it?” asked Kaiden. His body language was getting less and less tense. It was progress. At a cost. Shepard nodded.

“Travis is the same, but I usually went by my last name before anyway. I changed it to get a fresh start. I keep trying to think of myself as Shepard now, to get used to it,” he explained. “I didn’t expect you call me Travis when I got pulled in. I realized I didn’t know anyone’s names. It’s weird, to have the responsibility of someone’s life in your hands but not know their name.”

“Maybe not knowing it makes it easier. Keeps things objective,” suggested Kaiden. Skylar stuck to Shepard, deep down, because he knew her. The others were faceless. But at the same time, if he were going to die on the battlefield, he’d want someone to know his name. He didn’t want to be faceless. He remembered how it felt, for that split second, when he was Ashley’s commander during the meeting. How having a team that was his felt good. The sheer regret of not knowing them when the beacon reached for him.

“I don’t want to be objective,” whispered Shepard, finding his way out of his thoughts. “And that’s probably not something you’d want to hear your commander say, but I’m not much of a commander to begin with.”

“No, it’s...” Kaiden trailed off, plagued by something older, a scar he carried. “It’s nice to be treated like a person rather than an asset.” Shepard could see him start to cave, giving into whatever he was mulling over. 

“This is kind of a strange question, but can you be Travis for a few minutes instead of Commander Shepard?” he asked. Not be a commander for a hot second? Yes, please. Shepard checked out and Travis checked in with a, “Sure, I can do that. What’s on your mind?”

“When I woke up, the captain was on me immediately about the beacon,” started Kaiden. “I felt put on the spot. I was hoping I’d have some time to digest what I saw. It was fairly abstract. And... invasive.”

He paused. Travis nodded for him to continue.

“I told him the gist of what I got was a sense of dread, a warning, perhaps. Some sort of strife between organics and machines. Beyond that I couldn’t say, at least objectively.”

Travis tilted his head, “What about subjectively?”

“Subjectively?” Kaiden sighed. “There was this imagery that kept repeating of pink organic tissue being ripped away from a chip that was embedded in it and it... it looked like...”

“A biotic chip?” offered Travis with a sympathetic look. 

“Yes,” said Kaiden, relieved that he got it. “And with that warning? Either something is going to hunt me down and rip it out of my head, or it’s going to corrupt my chip and kill me.”

“It’s a warning from ten thousand years ago,” said Travis and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Ugh, I know, I know,” groaned Kaiden, putting his face in his hands. “But I got this feeling...” he looked up, rubbing one of his eyes with the palm of his hand. “That whatever it was, it was bigger than just an attack. It was horrifying, like they’d found out a fundamental truth about the universe, something inevitable, just as it... I don’t know, consumed them.”

“Technically, ten thousand years on the cosmic scale isn’t that much,” said Travis, racking his brain. “I don’t think Andromeda colliding with the Milky Way is it. Maybe they all panicked at the inevitable heat death of the universe and died?” 

“Now you’re making fun of me,” said Kaiden, but he did give a little laugh. Travis rubbed his back in circles, remembering how is brother used to do it back when they got along.

“For suspects, we’ve got dark matter, black holes, or the AI singularity,” listed Travis. “For all we know, it could be all of them. Maybe the protheans had their own geth that turned on them.”

“We would have found something like that by now,” said Kaiden. 

“Are you sure?” asked Travis. “What about the black holes.”

“That only took the killer robots and nothing else?”

“Maybe they ran on dark matter and... accidentally turned themselves into mini black holes.”

“Then everything would be gone,” said Kaiden with a dubious smirk.

“On a cosmic scale, even,” agreed Travis. “Well I never said I was smart.” Kaiden, poorly, hid a laugh. Travis laughed, too. It was nice.

The he got serious again, guilt weighing in. It made his stomach hurt. “I’m sorry,” he said. “For triggering the beacon. I should have waited until the Normandy got there.”

Kaiden’s expression shifted, looking guilty himself. That wasn’t what Travis wanted. He could hear Commander Shepard asking to switch in but told him to wait.

“I’ll tried to pull you back with my biotics, but...” Kaiden shook his head, ashamed. “Maybe if you had a biotic stronger than an L2, we would still have the beacon.”

It was a stake right through the heart. It hurt to be on the other end, to see someone else beat themselves up when you know they did their best. It was Ashley all over again, looking at the floor like it was too good for her to stand on. Commander Shepard marched in, trampling over Travis, ready to give a pep talk and a salute and a kick in the rear-

That wasn’t what Kaiden needed at the moment.

“It’s good to learn from our mistakes,” said Travis, internally quashing his new found bravado that he could not figure out where came from. “But once we get trapped in maybes or what ifs, it feels like there’s always someone who could have handled things better. I’m glad you were there. You were braver than I could ever be and I’ll always be grateful to have you, Kaiden.”

Travis wasn’t sure if any of what he said was the right thing to say. But Kaiden looked less heavy, like a load had been taken off his back. Which was what he was aiming for. He did it, he helped, he managed to do it! That was harder than any of the exams he had failed throughout the years! 

“Are you sure you want to lie to the Council that it was you?” asked Kaiden. 

“Yes, absolutely.”

“Travis-” began Kaiden, worried. Travis nudged him.

“It’ll be fine,” he said. “You can come with and make sure I don’t die. You’re very good at it.”

“Gee thanks,” said Kaiden, then he got a look. Something like trying to keep a burp back. He winced and said, “I’m sorry for asking, you don’t have to tell me, but why did the MAKO explode?”

Travis considered it for a moment. He expected it to hurt, thinking about Akuze. But it didn’t, or at least, not in the same way. What popped up was a memory of Skylar, proudly regaling everyone with her escapades, always a crowd present to be dazzled or call her a liar. 

Travis rubbed his chin and said, “I did say tit for tat. Hmmm. Alright.” He reorganized himself on the chair, one foot resting on his knee and he steepled his hands together. “I think I should start from when I woke up from the concussion, it’ll make more sense.”

“How did you get a concussion?”

“Oh, I shot the thresher maw’s tongue and it dropped the MAKO. I hit my head pretty hard on the way down.”

“Travis, nooooo,” Kaiden moaned. 

“What? You’re one to talk, you died yesterday. I was alive for the whole experience. Do you want to hear the story or not?”

“Yes, I do,” said Kaiden. He added, more softly, “Thanks for reviving me, by the way. I couldn’t have been in better hands.”

“You’re welcome,” said Travis. You know that feeling of ‘aw’ you get when someone says something nice? Well he had that and found it extremely uncomfortable, so he changed the subject. “Now back to my near death experience-”

As he continued, it was strange to talk about Akuze this way. It was a bizarre story. He told it the way Skylar would. She had been smarmy and fun, half her stories being tall tales. And she would sit with one foot on her knee, her hands steepled as she settled in. She made all the long boring treks through deserts and space not terrible. Skylar, with a hole where her heart should be, was still in the driver’s seat, stars away. But that was her body, and she had been so much more than that, more than a missing heart. He hoped that one day he could talk about her, share some of her stories. Turn her into an even taller tale that recruits like Richard L. Jenkins could pass around.

He hoped one day he could be more than what happened on Akuze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was really nervous about this chapter. It has a 7-way-conversation! I was also very timid about bringing up Akuze again, as well as just the whole conversation between Kaiden and Shepard as a moment of getting to know each other. I didn’t want it to be the same as Ashley’s scenes with Shepard. But this Shepard is also so difficult to write because of his conflicted nature, I can’t pull him too far to either side. But I think! It came out alright.~
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!


	15. Devil’s Advocate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our engineer confronts Udina and Anderson about their trickery in front of Alenko and Williams, revealing he was supposed to be the first human Specter. The team then shows up for the Council’s hearing regarding Saren and the geth. Things do not go as planned. In fact, they go so horribly wrong, that not only is Shepard’s candidacy questioned, so is his innocence and sanity.

“This is an outrage! The Council would step in if the geth attacked a turian colony,” yapped Udina. Ashley, Kaiden, and Shepard averted their eyes from the ambassador’s shouting match with the Council. They leaned against the balcony and looked over the Presidium that curved from left to right, the lower levels traveled by species on promenades by the water features. 

“Are you sure about this?” whispered Kaiden to Shepard. Ashley bumped her shoulder against Kaiden’s and muttered, “It’s a little too late to change his mind, Lieutenant.”

“We’ve lied enough to the Council, if they found out...” said Kaiden, lowering his voice even more, too afraid to finish his thought.

Shepard simply replied, “You have more than enough to worry about, Lieutenant, leave this to me.” Kaiden looked like he wanted to say more but let the matter rest. Shepard patted him on the back, giving him a reassuring smile. It was easy to tell Kaiden to relax, it was another thing to actually be a walking target. He looked away before his nerves could show on his face, cracking his knuckles over the stream of people crossing the Presidium. 

Ashley recalled him messing with his hands before in front of the med bay. She still didn’t know him that well, but after asking around a bit on the Normandy she was starting to get a better idea. He was nervous, in general not that talkative, and obviously scarred by his experience on Akuze. But he could also be thoughtful and compassionate when he was brave enough to speak. Then there was his ‘alter ego’, when he was tall, decisive, self sacrificing, and could be gratingly callous. She wondered which version of Shepard was the real one.

“Captain Anderson. I see you’ve brought half your crew with you,” noted Udina disdainfully as he walked over, done with the Council. Ashley mouthed a silent ‘yikes’ and Kaiden offered a thumbs up to the commander. Shepard braced himself and turned to face the ambassador along with Anderson.

“Just the ground team from Eden Prime. In case you have any questions,” said the captain, his tone civil.

“I have the mission reports. I assume they’re accurate?” asked Udina. Shepard could feel the waves of malice. 

“They are,” Anderson lied easily. “Sounds like you’ve convinced the Council to give us an audience.” Udina crossed his arms, his scowl furrowing deeper into his face.

“They were not happy about it. Saren’s their top agent,” he said. Then he threw an accusatory glance at Shepard, like he’d tracked mud into the office. “They don’t like him being accused of treason, Commander Shepard. This is a political nightmare.”

Shepard glared back and said, “You’re the one that shoved a live grenade into my hands without saying anything. You don’t get to be upset when it blows up in your face.”

“It was a simple mission, Commander,” spat Udina. “Eden Prime was supposed to prove you could get the job done. Instead, Nihlus ended up dead and the beacon was destroyed!

“That’s Saren’s fault, not his!” cut in Anderson.

“Then we better hope the C-Sec investigation turns up evidence to support our accusations,” replied Udina without skipping a beat. He turned back to Shepard. “Otherwise the Council might use this as an excuse to keep you out of the Specters. You’ve already done more than enough to jeopardize your candidacy.”

Ashley and Kaiden perked up at that. They cautiously looked over their shoulders.

“Jeopardize my candidacy?” scoffed Shepard. “You and Anderson are the ones that pushed for this, you tricked me into going! I didn’t realize what was going on until practically boots down on Eden Prime.”

Udina, tone light with poison on the tongue, said, “And that’s precisely when things started going wrong, isn’t it.”

Shepard frowned, hoping this conversation wasn’t going the way he thought it would. 

“Nihlus is the one that put your name forward, Shepard,” said Udina. “Captain Anderson told me you were vehemently against the idea of becoming a candidate when you were briefed on the mission, to the Specter’s face no less. And then everything that ensued went pear shaped.” 

Anderson took a step in front of Shepard and said, in a growling baritone, “I don’t like what you’re implying, Ambassador. You’re not going to scapegoat the commander just to keep the Council happy.”

“What I mean to say,” Udina recoiled back slowly, like a snake getting ready to strike again. “Is that it doesn’t look good. Your personal feelings don’t play a role in this, Commander. Like it or not, you’re obligated to ride this out. If you don’t change your tune, the Alliance Brass will do it for you.”

“My obligations are to my team, not to whatever power hungry agenda you have,” said Shepard.

“Enough! You’re dismissed, Commander,” said Udina with disgust. “In fact, you’re all dismissed. I need to speak with the captain before the hearing.”

Shepard didn’t move and looked to Anderson. The captain gave him a nod, raising a hand towards the exit. He gritted his teeth and left for the door, Ashley and Kaiden following after him.

“And Commander,” called Udina just as he got to the doorway. “Don’t be late.”

“Yes, sir,” said Shepard as the doors closed. The squad stood in the quiet of the hallway for a second until Ashley broke it with-

“And that’s why I hate politicians.”

Shepard sighed and chuckled weakly. He walked away and headed for the stairs. Kaiden and Ashley silently followed the commander. 

Ashley wanted to ask if Shepard was really going to be the first human Specter or if Udina was just speculating. He clearly didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t like the thought of a human answering to the Council first and Alliance second. Humanity already had a bad reputation, if Shepard was caught red handed in alien affairs and messed up, the Alliance would take the fall, not the Council. She hated not knowing, but she couldn’t wrangle an answer out of Shepard with Alenko around, the lieutenant would pull rank and report her for insubordination. But then again, Shepard also could whip out his alter ego if she talked to him alone, pulling rank on her and also reporting her for insubordination. All she wanted was a straight answer! God this is frustrating, thought Ashley. 

Kaiden wished he could pull Travis aside and talk for a minute. Udina said a lot of stuff in there with heavy implications and, like Travis said, he was still new to being a commander. They were the same rank not too long ago; a couple of weeks maybe. Going from a nobody that combed through space trash to the first human Specter was one helluva leap. But he didn’t want to talk down to the commander in front of the gunnery chief. Travis was already having a hard enough time adjusting to his rank, Kaiden didn’t want to encourage insubordination and make Travis’ confidence in his own leadership lower than it already was. The Specter candidacy on top of having a target on his back because of the vision would drive Kaiden crazy. He wondered how Travis was able to deal with it, considering his anxious disposition.

When they got out to the Presidium, they wandered on the pathway along the water line. Which, technically, was what they were supposed to be doing. Although, it was doubtful Saren would strike somewhere so public and brightly lit. Shepard stopped and looked wistfully towards the entrance for the Wards. He turned to his team, tired but smiling, and asked, “Do you guys want to go see the Citadel arms? I heard the view from inside is really something.”

Ashley and Kaiden weren’t sure how to respond, but they didn’t need to as the commander had already started walking towards the entrance. They stayed a few steps back as they followed, sticking to their formation from Eden Prime. Both brimmed with questions but said nothing.

_________________

It didn’t take that long till they found a common area with wide panoramic windows. The three leaned out over the railing, admiring the arms of the Citadel that stretched out to the neighboring star. There was traffic in between the arms, various spaceships of different species passing through to dock or leave. It was busy and overwhelming, almost too large to comprehend as something real and not just a moving painting. 

“Big place,” breathed Kaiden.

“Is that your professional opinion, sir?” asked Ashley with a smirk.

“Play nice, kids,” warned Shepard, looking tiredly at the visual chaos.

“There must be millions here. It can’t be possible to track everyone coming and going,” said Kaiden. 

“True, this makes Jump Zero look like a porta-John,” agreed Ashley. 

“Jump Zero is big, but this is a whole other scale, look at the ward arms. How do they keep all that mass from flying apart? Do I even want to know?” asked Kaiden.

“Looking at this- it’s just like Nihlus said...” muttered Shepard. In a louder tone, he asked, “Can you imagine trying to handle this whole mess and then humanity comes, knocking over every species in line, demanding to be treated better than everyone else? No wonder the Council thinks we’re dicks.”

Ashley laughed at the candid comment.

“We’re not that bad, we gotta fight to get what we want. Besides, what’s not to like about us?” added on Ashley sarcastically. “We’ve got oceans, beautiful women, this emotion called love. According to the old vids they showed my great grandpapi, we have everything they want.”

“When you put it that way there’s no reason they wouldn’t like you- uuh,” Kaiden stood up straighter, blushing. “I mean- us, humans... Chief.”

Ashley replied coolly, “If you expect to get me in a tinfoil miniskirt and thigh-high boots, I want dinner first.”

“That’s enough, Chief,” said Shepard. He was going to say more but raised a hand to his ear. He stepped back from the balcony to answer a call. “Captain?”

“You don’t get much shore leave, do you LT?” asked Ashley, leaning over so only the lieutenant would hear. Kaiden’s face burned brighter and she laughed. He wanted to tell her to quit, but he clammed up instead which made it all the more embarrassing.

“We’re leaving,” ordered the commander abruptly, already moving again. Kaiden immediately jogged to keep up with his long strides. Ashley lagged behind, still snickering. 

“Something wrong, Commander?” asked Kaiden.

“Saren got the hearing to start early,” said Shepard grimly. “We’re late.”

________________

Just as the squad arrived, Anderson leading them up the stairs towards the dais, the asari councilor said, “The geth attack is a matter of some concern. But there is nothing to indicate Saren was involved in any way.”

The turian councilor tacked on, “The investigation by Citadel Security turned up no evidence to support your charges of treason.”

“An eyewitness saw him kill Nihlus in cold blood!” objected Udina.

“The testimony of one traumatized dockworker is hardly compelling proof, especially from a species with study after study proving how malleable your memory is by leading questions,” said the salarian councilor. “The motivations of the interviewer, who was one of your soldiers, could have effected the dockworker’s recollection and is therefore inadmissible.”

“I resent these accusations being made at all. Nihlus was a fellow Specter. And a friend,” emphasized Saren, his cartoonishly large hologram glowering down at the humans.

“That just let you catch him off guard!” shouted Anderson.

“Ah, Captain Anderson, yet again your involvement brings false charges against me by humanity,” greeted Saren. “And this must be your protege, Commander Shepard. The one who let the beacon get destroyed.”

“‘Let’ is an interesting word to use,” said Shepard, a weird spike of pride urging him on. “I hope that translated incorrectly, Specter, considering I disarmed three bombs in under three minutes to prevent the beacon, along with an entire colony, from being destroyed.”

Saren’s hologram stared at him, unblinking.

“You’re right, my apologies, I misspoke,” countered Saren, recalculating. “With Nihlus gone, his files were passed onto me, actually. For Eden Prime to result the way that it did, I pity you, Commander, I really do.”

“And why is that?” asked Shepard. 

Udina tried to step in, “Don’t-”

“I’m glad you asked,” said Saren, talking over Udina. “I believe it was too soon after Akuze for you to return to service, especially with the weight of being a commander on your shoulders. I know Nihlus thought that with enough time and training you could be one of us, but too much stress can make people do strange things.”

Udina piped up this time, “He has no right to say that! That’s not his decision!”

“Shepard’s admission into the Specters is not the purpose of this meeting,” droned the asari counselor.

“In Lieutenant Alenko’s report,” said Saren, changing the subject. “He said he was preoccupied with these husk creatures when the commander spotted Nihlus on the platform of the spaceport. The commander spotted him because he was shooting the back line of geth, is that correct, Lieutenant Alenko?”

Kaiden was surprised when everyone turned to look at him. He stepped forward from the stairs where he’d been watching. He answered, “Uh, yes, sir.”

“And in Gunnery Chief Williams’ report,” continued Saren. “She also did not spot Nihlus until after the commander did. Why is that?”

Ashley blushed, stepping forward, but maintained a straight face as she said, “I was distracted by the geth ship, sir.”

“I see,” said Saren. “So no one actually saw Nihlus down on the ground until after Commander Shepard had been firing at the platform.”

“Now hold on a minute,” said Anderson.

“This is a waist of the Council’s time!” Udina said, also at the same time. 

But Saren talked over both of them as well. “Tell me, what weapon did you use for shooting over such a long distance, Commander Shepard? It can’t have been your pistol.”

Shepard answered, with growing concern, “Sniper rifle, sir.”

“But your N7 training is only for the engineer subclass. Are you licensed to fire that weapon?” asked Saren.

“Not... technically...” admitted Shepard. He was starting to feel sick and his fingers were ice cold.

“So no,” concluded Saren. “The gunnery chief also noted your behavior as being reckless and unstable, I do believe the term ‘maniac’ was used.”

“That’s out of context-” said Anderson, Ashley blanching behind him. But still Saren continued, “And Lieutenant Alenko, in your report you said that Commander Shepard threatened to shoot you if you approached the beacon, is that correct?”

“I-” Kaiden choked. Shepard glanced back towards him, his face feeling numb. Kaiden gave him an apologetic look and answered, wincing, “Yes, I did, sir.” 

“I’ll speak plainly, I would hate for my statement to get lost in translation,” said Nihlus pointedly. Shepard’s head turned back automatically. He should say something. Say something! Open your mouth! But what could he say?

“In summary; neither Gunnery Chief Williams or Lieutenant Alenko can confirm that Nihlus was dead before Commander Shepard had fired in his direction. With a weapon he is not licensed to carry, no less. This, on top of the fact that they both reported the commander’s behavior as being irrational, reckless and violent towards his own underlings...” Saren paused for effect. “This leads me to believe that, tragically, Nihlus’ death is a case of friendly fire at best.” 

“This is preposterous slander!” yelled Udina. “This hearing is going nowhere, I call for it to be adjourned.”

“And at worst, Specter?” asked the salarian councilor, ignoring the ambassador.

“Not everyone longs to be a Specter, Nihlus wrote as much in his notes concerning the commander. Couldn’t someone, say, with the pressure of a species that constantly demands more and more of the Council, be unable to say no to becoming a Specter? Perhaps he’d even be threatened by his superiors?” asked Saren. “Couldn’t such desperation push someone to sabotage themselves?”

“The commander would never do such a thing!” objected Anderson. “This is pure speculation without evidence.” 

Shepard’s silence and blank face made it all the more damning. Anderson and Udina could only fight so much on his behalf. But there was nothing he could say.

“There have been crimes of passion committed with significantly less motive,” explained Saren. “The accusations thrown my way have done little to provide motive beyond that I think that humanity should know their place, and I’m being accused of invading with an army of geth! Geth, who turned on their organic creators and haven’t been seen outside the Perseus Veil in over a century. What is more likely? An organic leading a rouge AI invasion and killing his friend, or one person making a mistake in the heat of battle?”

The Council no longer looked conflicted over the issue. Saren was right, it didn’t make sense, and more often then not... the simplest answer is the correct one.

“Wait, there’s another matter to discuss,” quickly interjected Anderson. “The vision Commander Shepard received from the beacon.”

“Ah yes, that incoherent mess. Are we allowing dreams into evidence now?” asked Saren. “Especially from someone so... unhinged. How am I supposed to defend my innocence against this kind of testimony?”

“I agree, our judgment must be based on facts and evidence, not wild imaginings and reckless speculation,” said the turian counselor.

“Do you have anything to add, Commander Shepard?” asked the salarian counselor, tone laced with pity.

Shepard could taste bile at the back of his throat and tried to swallow it down, but it was like his tongue was too big. He couldn’t feel his hands anymore. He looked down and they were shaking. He wanted to bring them together, rub life back into them or keep them still, but his arms were frozen in place. 

The Council waited long enough. They conferred with each other. It was a short discussion.

“The Council has found no evidence of any connection between Saren and the geth,” ruled the asari counselor. “Ambassador, your petition to have him disbarred from the Specters is denied. As for Commander Shepard...” She stopped. She didn’t want to be the nail in the coffin for the first human Specter. 

“An investigation will be opened up to determine whether this was a case of friendly fire or premeditated murder,” finished the turian counselor.

“This meeting is adjourned,” said the asari counselor quickly.

Saren cocked his head to this side and added, “I do hope you get the help you need, Commander Shepard. Allowing the Alliance to cover up for you will do nothing for your mental health. You are, after all, only human.”

Then his hologram switched off. How strange that a single man can turn everyone against me without even being here, thought Shepard numbly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took the longest, by far, to complete. I knew what I wanted but the execution took a lot of tweaking and rewriting. As I wrote near the end, it was very much a “Oh no, it’s all coming together” feeling.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!


	16. Partners in Crime (Solving)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our engineer is out of the game for the time being. Alenko is put in charge for more than three minutes and things go sideways, making Williams pick up the slack. Will they manage to get along and expose Saren without Shepard being there?

Shepard still couldn’t move from his spot, but no one noticed as they eagerly left. He stood there as the ambassador pulled the captain away, hissing back and forth about the proceedings as they descended the stairs. Ashley and Kaiden followed automatically, but suddenly Anderson and Udina stopped in their tracks. There were C-Sec officers waiting in the wings; a turian and a human. There was another turian standing by in a suit who appeared to be in charge. Anderson split and went over to them, prompting Udina to yell, “I’m not done with you, Captain!” He didn’t pursue him, though. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“A disaster,” muttered the ambassador mournfully. “A complete disaster.” He drifted away towards one of the planters, sitting down on a bench under what looked like a cherry tree. 

Udina was not their superior officer and Anderson didn’t wave the team over to the officers. They were leaderless. Ashley sat down on the steps of the stairs. Kaiden eased down them slowly, one step at a time, sure that direction would arrive at the bottom if he stretched out time a little.

Ashley said through her teeth “Son of a-” but clamped a hand over her mouth. She hated her own words being used against her. If only Saren had been there so she could deck him, it’d be worth it even if she got arrested. 

Kaiden was still confused as to what just happened. His chest felt tight and made it hard to breathe. It wasn’t because of his part in the hearing, he only answered truthfully. It was because, for just a split second- 

He thought Saren could be right.

He reached the last step of the stairs. There was no one there to tell him what to do. He could hear Anderson’s voice as a low mumble. The captain nodded and shook hands with the officers. They parted, letting the captain come back to the squad as the officers went up the stairs. Kaiden followed them with his eyes, not understanding where they were going. And then he saw the commander, standing at the top of the dais, still frozen in place. Alone.

“Lieutenant,” said Anderson, bringing back Kaiden’s attention. “We need to think of our next step.” The captain went over to the ambassador, who looked like he wanted to pass out on his bench. 

“Chief,” called Kaiden and pointed towards their superiors. Williams got up, quickly tearing down the steps and marching towards the two other men. Kaiden lingered, watching the commander. He still hadn’t moved. His head only turned slightly as the human C-Sec officer spoke to him quietly. 

The commander. Kaiden couldn’t even think his name, like he’d lost the privilege to use it. The tightness in his chest got worse. As he turned to join the rest of the team, a little voice said that he didn’t really know the commander anyway. They were practically strangers. Besides, the commander was inexperienced, and likely an unstable liability. A liability that saved my life, thought Kaiden, and didn’t judge me for showing vulnerability. He crammed down the traitorous voice that sounded eerily like Saren.

“Do you not realize Saren’s gonna kill him as soon as they have him in custody?” Williams asked the ambassador.

“Mind your place, Chief,” said Kaiden automatically. 

“Shepard’s going willingly in a show of good faith,” informed Anderson. “Executor Pallin hates the lack of accountability for Specters more than any old grudge.”

“It was a mistake bringing any of you into that hearing, especially you, Captain. You and Saren have too much history and made the Council question our motives!” said Udina as he got up, pacing towards the next round of stairs down. “An utter travesty.”

Anderson kept up, Ashley close behind him. Kaiden dragged his feet, casting worried glances over his shoulder at the commander with each level they went down.

“Saren has always been slippery,” muttered Anderson. “He’s never had to answer for his crimes, no matter how many bodies pile up. We can’t afford to let him get away with this, he’s a threat to all of humanity. Another attack could happen any day now.”

They skipped down a longer set of stairs that would take them down to the elevator. Except for Kaiden. He took two steps down and looked back, but they were already too far down, too far back. He couldn’t see the commander anymore.

“LT!” shouted Williams. He reluctantly ripped himself away and came down the stairs. He silently joined them in the elevator. The chief gave him a dirty look. He ignored it and felt a little sick when the elevator kicked in. 

“The commander will be fine,” said Anderson into the air. “The best way to help him is to get Saren.”

“As a Specter, he’s virtually untouchable,” rebuked Udina. “We need to find some way to expose him.” He gave the captain a meaningful look. “Barring that, are you sure there’s nothing we can use to prove Shepard’s innocence?”

“There’s nothing,” said Anderson, definitively. “We’ll start with the C-Sec investigator, see if he has any leads. Something must have slipped through the cracks.”

“No you won’t, Captain,” said Udina. “We need to do damage control and you’re on gawd damn fire! You touch anything that has to do with Saren and we’ll get burned.” He turned to Kaiden. “Lieutenant Alenko will look into this.”

“We don’t answer to you,” spat Williams.

“It’s alright,” soothed Anderson. “My influence has done enough damage.”

“You can use my connection in C-Sec,” continued Udina, glaring at Williams. “Harkin. Unfortunately he’s fond of the bottle, so you can find him at Chora’s Den if the investigator won’t play ball.”

“Harkin’s a waste of time, he was suspended a month ago,” said Anderson.

“Beggars can’t be choosers, Captain,” said Udina. “It’s either that or going to Barla Von in the financial district. Word is he’s a dealer for the Shadow Broker, but the info won’t come cheap.”

The elevator opened to reveal the Presidium and Udina stepped out first. 

“I’m leaving this to you, Lieutenant. I need to make some calls before this becomes a media circus,” said Udina without looking back. “Let’s hope you don’t disappoint like the commander.”

Williams, not at all discreet, flipped him the middle finger as he got into a taxi. They could hear him barking orders before the hatch closed and the taxi flew off. 

The rest of the team wandered over to the bridge that sat next to the scaled down sculpture of a mass relay. Kaiden could feel his jaw start to ache and knew a headache would be coming on soon. Williams looked like something was on her mind.

“Permission to speak, Captain?” she asked and Anderson nodded. Their group pulled closer together. “We should tell the Council the truth.”

“Absolutely not,” said Anderson.

“It would clear Shepard of murder charges, at least,” reasoned Williams. “I don’t see the logic of sacrificing one of our own for an alien, sir.”

“That ‘alien’ is the only other person who can place Saren at the scene,” said Anderson. 

“All due respect, we’re wasting time arguing about this,” cut in Kaiden. “Who knows about this at C-Sec?”

Anderson and Williams were startled by the uncharacteristic break from calm, but the captain answered, “The coroner and her guards, but they’re back on the Normandy. The case’s investigator, Garrus Vakarian, doesn’t know the details. We gave him enough to have a hunch, though.”

“Another turian, sir,” groaned Williams.

“He can be trusted, I don’t doubt my source,” assured Anderson. “He’s not afraid to color outside the lines. But Alenko is right, the coroner can only hold C-Sec back for so long. Find Vakarian, although he was taken off the case, he’s no stranger to following leads on his own.”

“Yes, sir,” said Kaiden. He and Williams saluted. Anderson nodded and left for his own taxi. As the transport lifted up and sped away, Williams sighed. 

“Alright, Lieutenant,” she said. “Where are we going?”

It was Eden Prime all over again for Kaiden. The commander’s life was, yet again, in his hands. Williams wasn’t wrong about him being in danger so long as he was in custody, though, so they had to be quick. Considering how (sort of) well he did for only three minutes last time, he wasn’t ecstatic to be taking over again. Making nice with others was more his ballpark, at least.

“Barla Von is just around the corner,” said Williams, Kaiden took too long being lost in thought.

“Do you have the credits for that?” he asked.

“No, but maybe we can trade,” shrugged Williams and started walking. Kaiden caught up to her and whispered hastily, “You are not giving away Nihlus, Chief. Captain’s orders.”

“Sure thing, sir! Why don’t you call C-Sec and get back to me after they stonewall you,” she scoffed. “Then we can go ask a drunk that’s been out of the loop for a month which back alley the turian’s gonna get killed in.” 

They crossed into the financial district on the other side of the water. There wasn’t much foot traffic there. They were grossly exposed. Kaiden wondered how bold Saren was, how confident he was that he wouldn’t get in trouble.

“Fine, we’ll speak with Barla Von,” conceded Kaiden. “But I’ll do the talking. You’re not exactly tactful, Chief.”

“Be my guest, LT,” said Williams. “But if you blue screen again I won’t wait for you to restart.”

With a quick check of the map on their omni tools, they arrived at Barla Von’s shop. The doors were open, which was jarring until they remembered there was no weather on the Presidium. Williams swung her arms towards the threshold, an implied ‘after you’ that annoyed Kaiden even more. He let it go and walked in.

“What’s this? Two of the earth clan. And both are of Commander Shepard’s crew no less,” remarked the small round volus from behind his low desk.

“You know the commander?” asked Kaiden, forgetting the polite question he’d been formulating.

“He’s a remarkable man for surviving Akuze, but it’s that business on Eden Prime that’s turned heads. When someone as important as him arrives on the station... I take notice.”

At least the hearing hadn’t reached someone like Barla Von yet. Kaiden hated the thought, but maybe they could use the charges instead of Nihlus to trade. It would be fine so long as they proved the commander was innocent, right? It’s either that or confessing he was the one that the beacon hit.

“I heard you work for the shadow broker. Do you have any information about Saren?” asked Williams and Kaiden almost choked on the sentence he was forming.

“You’re very blunt, Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams,” commented Barla Von. She shrunk back at the use of her name. Von continued, “But you’re right. I am an agent for the Shadow Broker and I do know something about Saren.”

“I heard your information can be expensive,” said Kaiden, stepping back into the conversation. He needed to be present and stop hesitating. If he didn’t, Williams would steamroll him.

“Normally the price would be a small fortune, but these are exceptional circumstances, so I am going to give it to you for free,” said Von.

“What’s the catch?” asked Williams and Kaiden shot her his own dirty look.

“There is no catch. The shadow broker is quite upset with Saren right now. They used to do a lot of business til Saren turned on him,” confessed Von.

“Saren betrayed him, imagine that,” said William as she rolled her eyes.

“No matter what you think of Saren, he’s not stupid,” lectured Von. 

Williams and Kaiden had to look away at that. They’d all learned that the hard way today, and the commander was paying for it.

“He knows the Shadow Broker is a valuable ally. Turning on him doesn’t make sense. Not unless something huge was at stake,” said Von.

The feeling from the vision flooded him again; a horrible sensation of despair and dread. Saren must’ve used the beacon, too, thought Kaiden but dismissed it. He was letting the vision get to him. He remembered Travis smiling, hand on his back, joking to get him to relax.

Travis. 

He felt sicker at the name.

“-Broker hired a freelancer to deal with it. A krogan mercenary. He’s currently paying an involuntary visit to Citadel Security. You might be able to catch him just before he leaves if you hurry,” said Von.

“Thanks for the information,” said Kaiden mechanically. Be present! He asked, “Can you tell me anything about Garrus Vakarian? Like where he is?”

“One of my cohorts has already sold that information to another customer. Sadly, I believe they may be a third party acting on behalf of Saren,” sighed Von.

“Vakarian could have something on Saren to take him down. Please, can you tell us anything?” asked Kaiden.

“Hmm, it’s against protocol, but considering this is time sensitive with Saren’s involvement... I’ll take a trade,” said Von. “Captain Anderson is hiding something, what is it?”

The words caught in Kaiden’s throat. 

Williams did not have the same problem.

“Nihlus is alive but in a coma,” said Williams quickly. “Where’s Vakarian?”

“Last I heard, he’d been asking about Dr. Michel’s clinic down in the wards next to the C-Sec academy,” replied Von easily. “You’re running out of time to catch up with either the officer or the mercenary. Be swift, Earth clan.”

“Thank you!” said Kaiden, Williams pulling him by the shoulder out the doorway. 

“My pleasure,” said Von as the two humans made a hasty exit. The volus regraded them thoughtfully. He hoped they would survive their next encounter, the commander was in a tight pot, after all. 

_______________

Ashley braced herself for Alenko to yell at her as they ran across the Presidium. God, always running. Would they never not be running? She brought up a map on her omni tool and said, “Once we land, we need to split up if we want to catch up with either of the aliens.”

They stumbled to a halt just as a taxi landed in front of them. The passengers, three asari, that disembarked, squealed as the two rushed in. The blue women huddled together and lobbed insults at the transport as it rose up into the air.

As they clambered into the seats, Alenko tapped in the destination and the taxi thrusted forward. It felt weird to sit in a civilian transport with all their gear and armor on. All of her weapons poked her uncomfortably in the back, but it would be a short trip. Ashley brought up the map again, thinking about who should run where. 

“I can’t believe you went against the captain’s direct orders,” said Alenko. He was looking awfully green, flying must not agree with him. “Do you want to be court-martialed?” 

“I’m sorry, did you want two dead turians instead of just one, LT?” asked Ashley. “Shepard disobeyed Captain’s orders to keep us safe on Eden Prime, I’ll make whatever damn call I need to to keep him alive. I don’t care if Executor Pallin hates Specters, he’s a turian first and I’m not taking any chances.” Alenko was speechless at that. Figures. He’s the walking personification of hesitation and they didn’t have time for that.

“Do you want to hold up the krogan or go help the turian?” she asked, on a ball. “I’ll take whatever you don’t, sir. We don’t know who Saren has in C-Sec, there’s no back up for us.” Alenko shook his head at her, but leaned over to look at her map. A few agonizing seconds passed before he made a decision.

“I’ll take the clinic,” said Alenko. “I’m sure you can charm a krogan, Chief.”

_________________

Ashley took what Alenko had said as an insult. He was just mad because she criticized him. And probably because she’d made fun of him earlier. Now that she thought about it, she’d really have to ease up on him. Things were hard enough for her on top of her ‘legacy’. Ashley remained bruised by the remark until she ran into C-Sec and overhead the krogan being lectured by a short human officer. 

“This is your last warning, Wrex,” said the officer. Now that Ashley was closer, she realized he was as tall as her. The krogan was just that monstrously huge. 

“You should warn Fist, I will kill him,” growled the krogan. No, really, it growled. She felt like she was going to try and get the attention of a froggish dinosaur. The meat eating kind.

“You want me to arrest you?” asked the officer. The krogan chuckled from deep down in his throat, “I want to see you to try.” 

“Go on, get out of here,” waved off the officer as the krogan stalked away. He noticed her staring at him and he approached her. Her insides squeezed as he came closer. He just kept getting bigger and bigger until he was a few steps away. She wondered if he could swallow her in one gulp.

“Need something, human?” he asked as he towered over her. Keep it short n simple, Ashley. Better her than Alenko, his politeness would probably insult the beast. And Shepard? He would have wilted like a dried up orchid. 

That boosted her confidence enough to bluntly say, “I’m trying to bring down Saren, Barla Von said to talk to you.”

“Barla Von is a wise man, we may share a common goal, human,” said the krogan. Er, Wrex, actually. He wasn’t threatening to kill her yet, so far so good.

“Care to enlighten me?” she asked offhandedly.

“I’ve been hired to kill the owner of Chora’s Den, a man named Fist. He did something very foolish.”

“Oh yeah? What’d he do?”

“He betrayed the Shadow Broker in favor of Saren. A quarian showed up here on the Citadel,” started Wrex, but, as always, there was no time. She clapped her hands together to cut him off, then angled them into prayer hands, pleading.

“Can we put a pin in that?” she asked. “There’s two idiots upstairs about to get murdered.” 

__________________

Kaiden wasn’t sure if it was smart to send Williams after the krogan, but if anyone could talk back to a species that glorified shooting first and asking questions later, it was her. They spoke the same language after all. Actually, when he put it that way, it was a terrible idea to send her. Lesser of two evils, he didn’t trust her to not make things even more difficult with the turian investigator. He came up to the clinic door. Before it could swish open, he overheard a conversation inside.

“I didn’t tell anyone, I swear!” cried a woman, her accent was distinctly French. He stepped into the room before the doors were completely open. He was already glowing bright blue, getting a shield for himself ready as he cocked his pistol. There was a half wall that separated the waiting area from the equipment in the back. Three human men were creeping up on the doctor behind the half wall. On Kaiden’s side of the wall he could see a turian in blue armor crouching with his pistol out.

“That was smart, doc,” said the lead human thug. He was holding up a gun to the doctor’s face. “Now if Garrus comes around, you stay smart. Keep your mouth shut or we’ll-” He looked at startling glow of biotics. He grabbed the doctor and shielded himself with her body, pushing the barrel’s end of the gun against her temple. “Who are you?”

“Let her go!” shouted Kaiden, gun trained on the leader. The turian seized the chance, rounding the bend of the half wall and-

Bang!

-shot the leader square in the head. His body went slack and dropped to the ground as the doctor shrieked. She dove for cover behind one of the machines, her hands clapped over her ears as the two other men fired; one for each intruder. 

Kaiden wasn’t bothered by this because of his shield. He shot the man in the chest three times in a tight triangle. That took the breath out of him and he fell backwards onto the floor. The man that was firing at the turian spun around to shoot the biotic, leaving him open. The turian stood out from cover, but the second man on the ground fired at his legs. The turian hissed and retreated back to where he’d been crouching. Kaiden ran through the firing and slid into the cover of the half wall. His biotic shield flickered out, but his omni tool shields were intact. 

He prepared a biotic pull and stood up at the same time as an object was being thrown over the half wall. It konked him right in the forehead, knocking his head back. This was the unfortunate moment Kaiden remembered he’d forgotten to put his helmet on. He felt his neck scream (oh, right, the whiplash) and got a mind meltingly hot white flash of pain. As he fell back onto the floor, he dropped his pistol and held onto his head, seeing double. It felt like his skull was splitting down the middle. He heard something rolling and tilted his head back to see it. That’s when he realized he’d been hit by a medium sized metal canister. It bounced and hit the back wall, rolling back towards him to reveal a warning label. He squinted to get the the two layers of images to focus, then his eyes went wide.

He curled up into a ball just as someone shot the canister. The explosion slammed him up against the half wall and rattled the equipment. His ears were ringing and he couldn’t figure out which way was up and down, but he’d managed to protect his neck and head. He heard a muffled alarm blaring and a banging on the door. It had probably sealed shut for containment. Then the door vibrated with a blue light and burst forward. Kaiden curled up again, but the door sailed over the wall and smashed into the upper body of one of the thugs, killing him. The other man screamed and stood up to shoot at whatever the hell was coming in but the turian rolled out from cover and got him with one shot. Or at least, that’s what Kaiden’s brain was able to make sense of all this environmental nonsense.

Someone starting pulling Kaiden up into a standing position once the alarm was turned off. He protested with a groan as a shoulder of white armor slid into place under his armpit. “Hello to you, too, Lieutenant,” grumbled Williams. She touched his forehead and he flinched. She whistled and said, “That’s going to leave a mark.”

“Please,” he mumbled as a wave of pain and nausea hit. “Stop talking.”

“Perfect timing, you gave me a clear shot at that bastard,” congratulated the turian from somewhere in front of him. This is probably Garrus, thought Kaiden now that he had more than thirty seconds to register information. Garrus’ voice turned away, “Dr. Michel? Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m okay. Thanks to you. All of you,” said the doctor. “Is he alright?”

Kaiden coughed a laugh. It’s always him that gets worried over. This was, what, the third or fourth time? The first time was Dr. Tsung. The second was-

-A shadow fell over him as Shepard’s head blocked out the sun-

He put his hand over his mouth and managed to hold back a wretch. Williams brought him round to a cot, his limp legs pretending to walk. Man, she’s strong. The doctor came over to him, cold hands feeling along his head.

“Who did these men work for?” said an unbelievably deep voice. Ah, the krogan.

“They work for Fist,” said Dr. Michel, hands pulling away from Kaiden much to his dismay. “They wanted to shut me up, keep me from telling Garrus about the quarian.”

“What quarian?” asked Garrus. 

Kaiden tapped out. Too many voices, too much pain, too many sounds, too much nausea. Too many, too much. Too much, too many. He closed his eyes and zonked out. 

But there’s no time for naps! 

Good thing Ashley is still up and walking. Figuratively. She was crouched down by Alenko and Dr. Michel. Wrex leaned against the pillar at the end of the half wall while Garrus hovered over them, curious about these living humans.

“A few days ago, a quarian came to my office,” began Dr. Michel. “She’d been shot, but she wouldn’t tell me who did it. I could tell she was scared, probably on the run. She asked me about the Shadow Broker, she wanted to trade information for a safe place to hide.”

“Where is she now?” asked Ashley.

“I put her in contact with Fist, he’s an agent for the Shadow Broker,” answered Dr. Michel.

“Not anymore,” cut in Wrex. “He’s working for Saren.”

“Fist betrayed the Shadow Broker? That’s stupid, even for him,” scoffed the doctor. “Saren must’ve made him quite the offer.”

“Can you tell us anything about the information she has on Saren?” asked Garrus.

“I’m not sure, like I said, she wanted to trade it for a place to hide,” mumbled Dr. Michel. “She didn’t... wait a minute. Geth! Her information had something to do with the geth!” 

“She must be able to link Saren to the geth,” said Garrus. “There’s no way the Council can ignore this! We need to move out and hit Chora’s Den.”

Ashley stood up and crossed her arms. She wasn’t born yesterday. She asked, “You’re a turian, why do you want to bring him down?” Garrus looked at her for a moment, then said, “You must be Williams.”

Her shoulders jumped and she uncrossed her arms, balling her hands into fists, “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

Garrus shook his head with a sigh and said, “I couldn’t find the proof I needed in my investigation, but I knew what was really going on.” Ashley wasn’t all that familiar with turian facial expression, but she could tell he was enraged as he spat, “Saren is a traitor to the Council, and a disgrace to my people.”

He let that sink in. Ashley flinched. If Shepard had burned down a turian colony, she would have been inclined to feel the same way, now that she thought about it.

“Now it’s up to us to stop him from killing that quarian. So are you coming with me or not?” asked Garrus.

“I’m going to kill Fist, I don’t care who comes with,” added Wrex, but he waited to hear an answer from the human in white armor.

Ashley retracted and looked back down at the lieutenant. He was still clearly out of it, his hands up to his head like he was trying to keep his brain matter inside. Poor guy can’t catch a break. He was probably clocking in at three concussions by now. She leaned over and patted his shoulder lightly.

“Sorry, LT. Take a power nap,” she said and nodded at he doctor. She turned back to the aliens and took out her assault rifle for the ready. “Who’s taking point?”

“Not to be controversial,” said Garrus with his hands up. “But I vote for the unstoppable killing machine to go front.” The krogan laughed, cocking a shotgun, “Don’t make me blush.”

“Horrifying,” whispered Ashley faintly. She remembered Shepard’s back as he walked in front of them under the fake blue sky, dejected after the conversation with Udina. Then he turned around and did his best to smile for them. She sucked it up, tried to smile big, and said, “Alright, let’s go!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Kaiden.  
> While it might not seem like it since I’m constantly roasting him, he is one of my favorite characters. I’d never really gelled with Ashley before, but now that I’ve been writing from her perspective I find her refreshingly forward. Kaiden’s taken most of this chapter, so I’m going to let Ashley take over for the next one.
> 
> I’m happy I got to do an action scene again! And the next chapter will be in Chora’s Den, so that’s another action scene! I hope they’re as enjoyable for the reader to read as it is for me to write.
> 
> Thank you for the kudos, by the way. It really energizes me to keep writing :D
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!


	17. Ashley and the Aliens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our engineer isn’t doing too hot in C-Sec custody while Ashley and the Aliens storm Chora’s Den.

The one thing you don’t want to hear on a space station is an explosion. The entire ward depressurizing and sucking out everyone into space is kind of really bad. So when all the heads in C-Sec turned upwards at the sound of a muffled boom from above, there was an eerie quiet of waiting. Waiting to see if they’d have the oxygen pulled out of their lungs and their blood bubble from a cold boil. After a few moments, C-Sec let out a collective breath. Then they scrambled to find the source; some officers picking up guns in case of invasion, other officers rushing out and upstairs to protect citizens, and one investigator took a prisoner into a cell. Well, the prisoner hadn’t been arrested yet technically, so he was a guest. 

Chellik wished Garrus hadn’t been suspended, because then this would his problem instead. The human commander didn’t put up a fight when they approached him at the dais. He was distant. As Eddie, a human officer, had put it; the lights were on, but no one was home. Chellik thought it was closer to the turian phrase of war-torn; when your body makes it back home, but your mind is left behind on the battlefield. Either way, it made it difficult for Chellik to interrogate him. He would only get the smallest head movement or blank stares. There was something in his demeanor to suggest that he was waiting for something. There was a wall that the commander couldn’t get over. Chellik didn’t know what that was, but it made him hesitant to turn his back on the commander.

When he heard the explosion, he wasn’t taking any chances. He shoved the commander into a cell and locked it. Or, well, he activated a force field that would prevent him from leaving. Semantics, whatever.

“You’re not getting out,” said Chellik. “Whatever shenanigans is going on upstairs won’t help you down here.” The commander looked at him blankly. Right. He heard the rapid tap of footsteps and turned to look down the hallway. An officer came running towards him, a salarian much out of breath. She wheezed, “Dr. Michel’s clinic - Shoot out - Three humans - Two casualties - One injured - Vakarian was there.”

“Was there? Where’d he go?” asked Chellik.

“Don’t know - Took Wrex with him - And a human,” the salarian took in a deep a breath and recovered herself. “Dr. Michel was vague, I don’t think she wants us catching up with them. The explosion was caused by a gas canister being shot. No structural damage or fire, we got lucky.”

“Did we, though? This day just keeps getting better and better,” muttered Chellik. He turned back to the cell, “Hey, commander! Looks like we can continue...”

The human was up against a corner in the cell, back turned to him. One hand wrapped around his stomach with the other hand to brace against the wall. He was gasping for air as he wretched. It wasn’t much, it came out clear. He crumbled down onto the floor.

Chellik disabled the force field and snapped at the salarian, “Get me a medic.” He paced over and crouched down by the human who was on his knees now, trying to right himself with one hand on the floor. The other hand was still glued to his stomach. Chellik gently tilted back the humans head. He saw that the commander’s face was pallid and sweaty. Delirious, Shepard whispered breathily, “Sorry, I couldn’t... keep it down... anymore.”

“You should’ve said something, Commander,” scolded Chellik and the human weakly laughed.

“I couldn’t... cuz if I opened my-” he clapped his supporting hand over his mouth, wincing. Chellik kept him from falling over, grateful that he’d managed to keep that last bit down. Humans were funny creatures, their feelings often went straight to their stomachs and reeked havoc on their digestive systems. They were so emotionally complex and intense that, for turians especially, being around humans was an acquired taste. Chellik didn’t mind them too much, once you understood their body language and expressions, humans were one of the most embarrassingly honest species you could interact with. 

“Here,” Chellik shifted Shepard’s weight onto his shoulder. “Let’s get you some help.”

____________________

Ashley didn’t have her helmet. But then again, neither did the krogan or the turian. Well, they had natural body armor. So long as she kept her shields up and didn’t get smacked in the face with anything harder than an empty bucket, she’d be fine. She silently thanked Shepard for messing up her omni tool, God bless him. She would be needing her shields today.

Ashley trailed after the aliens. The krogan was pretty slow so the turian was just ahead of them. They drew some stares as they cruised through the wards, guns out and ready. Garrus settled them by occasionally shouting it was C-Sec business and not to worry. They shifted into a back alley and stopped at a sliding door. Except for Ashley, who walked straight into the weird square balcony bridge to Chora’s Den and found two laser beams pointing at her chest. Something yanked on the neck of her armor and she fell backwards behind the sliding door. It slapped shut in front of them, two little bumps forming in the metal after two shots rang out.

“You also like running into direct fire?” asked Garrus, holding a hand out to help her up. “Don’t tell me you and Shepard are related.” 

“Ha ha, very funny, smart ass,” said Ashley, brushing him off and getting up on her own. The turian mock gasped

“Smart? Me? You’re such a flirt,” teased Garrus, putting his rejected hand over his heart. At least, she figured that’s where his heart would be. She didn’t bother trying to hide her look of disgust. The krogan pushed past them with a grunt and said, “Enough talking, more shooting.” 

He went out on the balcony, performing an even march as he fired at the two armored turians. They skittered backwards towards the entrance of Chora’s Den, neither of them waiting for the krogan to gang up on them. They didn’t look back as the doors opened behind them. Unfortunate, given that they were hired by Saren and not Fist. They both received a volley of shots and fell dead to the ground, blocking the sliding door from closing. The krogan laughed and charged inside at a speed so fast, Ashley blinked and he was gone. 

Ashley and Garrus jogged after the rampaging krogan, getting out their respective weapons as they followed through the door. Ashley didn’t comprehend the bar at first. Chora’s Den was round. Like a circle. It was a circular room. Ashley was expecting a regular dive bar, not the inside of a giant roomba. There was a convenient half wall on either side of the door they could use for cover, as well as stepping outside for when their shields got dangerously low. 

All the human ‘patrons’ were distracted by Wrex charging towards the left where an alcove divided into another room. Garrus shot whoever was left behind in the wake of the krogan, and Ashley got the ‘bartender’ square in the chest. None of these clowns were wearing armor or had shields, uh, wait no, there was one. A krogan came stalking in from the right, the same slow march as Wrex’s. 

“Right side! Krogan incoming!”

“Then shoot him!” was Garrus’ sharp reply. He turned around with his omni tool ready then let it flicker out, switching back to firing. “I can’t bring down his shields, they’re biotic.”

She kept the krogan under a steady rain of fire until her gun overheated, but he didn’t even flinch when it cut through his shields. God damn they’re tough. A shot hit her from a weird angle and she looked up. On top of the circular feature above the bar was another gunman. Ashley called out “Shooter up high, Vakarian!” and ran for cover by the bar, sliding across the floor and tossing the assault rifle aside.

He swore and switched target. Two shots and they were down, the second a headshot. His shields shattered as the krogan fired at him and he stepped outside of Chora’s Den to recover. Attempted to, anyway. He tripped over the corpses in the threshold and fell backwards. Fist’s krogan laughed, his biotic shields gone but his tech ones still rippling, and charged forward. Garrus didn’t have enough time to get up and just dropped his gun. No krogan would ever be stopped by a C-Sec standard issue pistol alone. He brought up his omni tool which was rigged to always have an overload on standby. All he had to do was point with his finger and then flex it. The krogan’s shields were shattered again, which was great, but this did nothing to slow him down. 

Luckily for him, Ashley was waiting around the bend of the counter with her shotgun out. She shot the krogan in the knees, point blank, and his legs were blown out from beneath him. His body was still thrust forward by his momentum and his head smashed hard into the floor and slid forward. Dazed, the krogan reached for his gun that had clattered to the floor beside him and Ashley kicked it away. 

“Stay down if you know what’s good for you,” said Ashley. 

The krogan growled at her and biotic threw her lower body, ripping her legs out from under her. It took her back five meters. Eye for an eye, she thought as she lost the shotgun in order to catch her fall with her hands. She was down on floor, on eye level, ironic(?), with the krogan. 

“Vakarian, some help, please?” she called as she painfully and slowly eased herself up. It was quite the fling her body got. 

“I got it, hold on,” said Garrus with a grunt, struggling as he got up from the ground. She heard him from somewhere to her right ahead of her. Oh, she really got flung. But the half wall blocked her view of him. He sounded like he was still in the doorway. What was he doing? 

The krogan reached out and biotic pulled her closer, making her lose her balance. The thing about krogans is that they aren’t just hard to kill, they will murder you even if it’s the last thing they do. So the krogan kept pulling her, pushing his biotics. It made the pull weaker, she didn’t lose control of her body, but try as she might to get a grip on the smooth metallic floor, gloves and boots skidding, she was getting pulled in. 

“Vakarian, I swear to God!” she shouted, sliding past the assault rifle she tossed earlier. Her fingers grazed it, causing it to lazily spin. The krogan stretched out his other hand, brandishing a long crooked knife.

“Garrus!” 

The krogan’s smile made her feel a lot of things, none of the pleasant. Then his head snapped to the side as a boom too loud echoed out in the small space. She clapped her hands over her ears, but the ringing wasn’t too bad. She looked up and there was Garrus, standing up from behind the half wall with a sniper rifle. He fired again and she flinched, gritting her teeth as the sound bashed her ears.

“Can’t be too careful. Thick headed, you know?” said Garrus with what she swore was a shit eating grin. He switched back to his pistol as he walked over, offering his other hand to help her up. Yet again. She blew the loose strands of hair from her face and took it this time, easily righting herself with his assistance.

They went round the bend towards the hallway to the office, both sore. Wrex was harassing the last gunmen who had created a bottleneck, hiding behind large crates of cargo.

“Took you long enough,” he grumbled. He stepped out, taking the brunt of fire as three heads poked out to shoot. He pulled one of the men out from cover with biotics, making him sail towards Wrex and right into his shotgun’s crosshairs. He fired, sending the body hurling back beyond the crates. Further in, someone screamed.

“Don’t shoot!” cried a young woman. “I’m done! I’m done.” She came out with her hands in the air, dressed like the other mercs. The man still behind a crate leaned out to shoot her, but Wrex threw him backwards, snapping his neck when his head hit the wall. The woman gasped and cowered, still holding her hands up. Wrex aimed his shotgun at her, but Garrus came running up.

“Wait, wait, it’s fine,” he said. He gestured with his head towards the exit. “Get out here. Scram!”

“Thank you,” sobbed the woman and sprinted for the door. Ashley stepped aside to let the woman pass and she disappeared out the door. As Ashley picked up her shotgun, she was surprised and kind of weirded out. Mercy comes in all shapes and sizes, she guessed. The three of them went deeper in and arrived at the office door.

“Shoot to maim, not kill. We need Fist alive,” reminded Garrus. The krogan grunted and Ashley frowned. The doors opened and they piled inside. There was a short hallway that opened up on the left to the office. Ah, a square room. Swanky but skeezy; it had a rug, some mood lighting, maybe bookshelves. Ashley wasn’t big on the details, it was more of an aura that she picked up. At the desk in the back, Fist ducked down, drawling, “I have to do everything myself!”

Trap doors on either side of the desk flipped up and revealed two standard drones that fired non stop. Wrex charged to the other side, the entrance of the office was framed by two wall features. He was a big meaty guy, but taking fire from two drones and a human with a pew pew gun was pushing it. He was bloodthirsty, not stupid. Ashley stood in cover with her assault rifle and bumped her head against the wall, frustrated. 

“Can you pull him forward?” shouted Ashley at the krogan.

“Can’t get my sights on him!” 

“For the love of- ugh!” she looked around the room. Something, there’s gotta be something. She looked over at the turian. He had his omni tool out, readying something. He leaned over and said, “Smart ass to the rescue.” As he inched past her, he yelled, “Cover me!”

Garrus ducked and rolled forward, training the line of the drones’ fire. Ashley shot at the drone diagonally opposite to her and Wrex did the same. Now on the other side, Garrus activated his overload, exploding the drone on the left. Fist cried out at the burst of sparks. He fell out from beyond his desk and Wrex grabbed him with a biotic pull. He screamed as he was dragged along the floor, telling the last drone to stop shooting. Ashley fired the death shot for it as it powered down. 

“Wait, don’t kill me, I surrender,” blabbered Fist from the floor. He tried to get up but failed, still disoriented from the biotics. 

“Where’s the quarian?” asked Garrus, pistol aimed at the felled human.

“She’s not here, I don’t know where she is and that’s the truth,” said Fist.

“He’s lying,” scoffed Ashley.

“He’s no use to you now. Let me kill him,” added Wrex.

“The quarian isn’t here, said she’d only deal with the Shadow Broker himself,” Fist quickly elaborated. 

“Impossible, everyone knows the Shadow Broker works through his agents only,” said Garrus.

“Yeah, but she didn’t know that,” laughed Fist. “I told her I’d set a meeting up, but when she shows, it’ll be Saren’s men waiting for her.”

“Location. Now,” hissed Garrus.

“Here on the wards, back alley in the markets. She’s supposed to meet them right now, you can make it if you hurry,” said Fist.

“And just forget about you, huh,” muttered Ashley. Her ears were still ringing, so it took her a moment to register the gunshot.

Fist’s head snapped back, a red spatter painting the floor. Ashley turned to see the krogan’s gun still smoking. At least he’d used the pistol. The shotgun would’ve been messier. Ashley pointed her assault rifle at Wrex. She said, heart racing, “Drop the gun, krogan.”

“Shadow Broker paid me to kill him, I don’t leave jobs half done,” said Wrex. He nodded towards the door. “And don’t we have something more pressing to worry about?”

“That quarian’s dead if we don’t move, Chief,” said Garrus, walking in between her and the krogan. “We’ll deal with this later.” She scowled but lowered her gun. Then they heard shouts from inside of the club and all three brought up their weapons again, pointing at the door. 

“These ones are mine,” said Wrex. “You guys get the quarian.”

“About that. I have a terrible idea,” smiled Garrus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Navigating the space of Chora’s Den was intimidating, but it was easier than I thought. It started out rather dry until I remembered Fist’s krogan bouncer existed and boy oh boy did I have fun with him. This is the first time I’ve written biotics from the opposing side. I. Can’t. Wait. For Noveria.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Next up is Ashley and the Aliens 2: Electric Boogaloo


	18. Ashley and the Aliens Part 2: Literally Electric Boogaloo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashley and “friends” make a run for it to save the quarian. Our engineer, mean while, contemplates the inevitable death of all living things and makes his own “friend” along the way.

Being a human mercenary in space requires a certain expectation of the strange as commonplace. So when a krogan came out from Fist’s office, biotic tossing a turian upwards into the air, the mercenaries had a collective thought; this must be Fist’s bouncer. They followed the arc of the turian as he landed on the hanging fixture above the bar and disappeared. Then the krogan grunted and they turned to see him throw a human, who had tucked herself into a ball, and biotic threw her towards the entrance. Another collective thought; the job is already done. So they relaxed and started walking towards where the woman had landed.

What they didn’t see was the turian up top with a sniper rifle and the krogan pulling out his shotgun, aiming at their heads and backs respectively. Both aliens were confused at the sudden lax interest of the intruding humans. Though neither would understand the phrase, they wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. The mercenaries’ final collective thought as both aliens pulled the trigger; holyshitwhoisshooting-

Ashley was already out of Chora’s Den, sprinting towards the alleyway. Garrus tucked and rolled when he jumped to the ground and followed after her as she disappeared behind the door to the alleys. The floor trembled under the fast stomping of the krogan and he found himself speeding up a little. They rounded the bend, through the door, chasing after Ashley as she slid to a halt in front of some people ahead. Garrus wondered why and then a flash bang went off. 

His visor kept at least one eye from going blind. Closing his other eye, he focused on the figures just ahead. Another turian was trying to get out his gun, fumbling as he tried to find cover in the narrow space. That’s not a quarian or a teammate, so down he goes. Garrus overloaded his shields and fired at his exposed head. Miss. Fired again. Miss. Depth perception is a bitch when using a pistol. He lined up the shot again, but Wrex charged forward, essentially running over the opposing turian as he hurled his body full steam ahead.

Garrus looked around, pistol up. His second eye was coming back. He shouted, “Williams! Where are you?”

“Here!” 

He turned towards the left as Ashley pulled an armored salarian out from hiding. She locked his head in place and spun around just as another salarian started shooting at her. Garrus returned fire but got his shields overloaded with a nasty burning spark. He fell back to cover. The one Ashley was holding overloaded her shields. She cried out as it burned her and she pushed him at the other salarian, causing them to fall over. 

Wrex, finished pulverizing the turian with several rounds of a shotgun, turned to a address the two salarians on the floor. His hands became bright blue and he was about to lay down some mayhem when they both threw something at him. First round was damping and an overload, taking out his biotics and shields. The second was a tiny explosive, two of them, thrown at the chest of the krogan. The boom thrust the krogan back as he got an empty expression on his face. He stumbled and fell to the floor. 

The salarians got their pistols and fired at Ashley. Her shields were still down and she held up her arms to her face. Taking the raw force of the rounds pushed her into a corner of an alcove where she’d found one of the salarians hiding before. The two salarians got up while still maintaining fire. 

Ashley’s armor was taking a lot of hits. They were firing too rapidly for her shields to recover and Wrex was still on the floor. Then she heard shots from Garrus down the way. The salarians retreated towards her and she didn’t want to risk a shot point blank. She rolled forward towards the fallen krogan, sliding around him to use his hulking body as cover. She got out her assault rifle and looked around. She couldn’t chance popping her head out of cover, not without a helmet or shields. 

“Mine!” called out one of the salarians. Ashley wondered which one would come over to shoot her in the face until she saw a small little device fly over. Reflex took over and she slid down onto the floor, her feet hitting the wall. The blinking device stuck to the wall in front of her, two meters above her. A proximity mine. Ashley, you idiot! Mine? MINE? Did you forget this was a shootout and not a volleyball match? She grimaced and used the wall to push her and Wrex away from it. The salarians shot in her direction, one of them trying to hit the bomb but missing. At lest they were lousy shots.

She looked around again and spotted a purple shape. The quarian. She was hiding behind what looked like a generator, peeking out to check on the human. Ashley waved and gave a thumbs up. The quarian returned the gesture hesitantly, confused. Not exactly a universal sign. The quarian brought up her omni tool and Ashley’s omni tool pinged. She opened it.

‘Dampen the one closest?’

Ashley nodded and shouted towards the other end of the alley, “Wait for it, then load the front one, smart ass!” The salarians were alarmed by this nonsense statement as Ashley waved her arm at them. The quarian went out from cover in a crawl, dampening the salarian closest to her. The salarian reacted to the movement and tried to overload her, but could only watch as his omni tool sputtered out. The other one on the left raised his omni tool and stepped away from cover to get her in sight. Neither saw Garrus walk out, sniper rifle lined up for a perfect shot. 

The still functioning salarian’s shields dropped as Garrus overloaded them, stunning him. He barely had time to register as the shot entered his helmet. His head knocked into the next one as he sagged to the floor, causing the one on the right to stumble as the bullet lodged itself in the side of his helmet. 

“Aw, so close,” whispered Garrus.

The last one took one look around and legged it for the door back to the commons, but the quarian was there with a shotgun. He received a heavy blast to the chest that knocked him backwards and fell back into waiting hands. He turned to see a smile wider than a mile as the krogan, back from the dead, took a hold of his head. Wrex twisted it fast and hard with a sickening crack.

The krogan cackled as Ashley pushed him away from the mine, still holding the salarian. She pointed to it and asked, “You can disable the bomb, right, Vakarian?” 

Garrus came over with an exasperated sigh. Not his forte. The device stopped blinking before he could do anything, though. The quarian came over and pried it from the wall, putting away her omni tool. She held it out for him to take.

“A little thank you present,” she said.

“Were you hurt in the fight?” he asked, gingerly taking the mine from her hand. Their fingers brushed and she snaked her hand away. Quickly, she replied, “I know how to look after myself.” She paused, then added shyly, “Not that I don’t appreciate the help. Who are you?”

“Garrus Vakarian, I’m an investigator for C-Sec,” he said, training kicking in. “I’m looking for evidence concerning Saren and the geth.”

“Then I have a chance to repay you for saving my life,” she perked up. Then she shook her head and said, “But not here, we need to go somewhere safe.”

“We can take her to the embassy,” said Ashley, releasing Wrex. “Udina will want to speak with her.”

“And let Saren claim that the evidence was tampered with? I don’t think so, I’ve had enough cases thrown out today,” said Garrus. “We’ll take her to Pallin, the Council trusts him and he’ll be more than pleased to take down Saren.” Ashley made a face. Anderson did say Pallin hated specters, but it was humanity that received the biggest hit from Saren, not the turians. Then again, if she wanted Shepard out of custody and harms way, she needed to play nice.

“Fine,” she said. “But if Saren worms his way out of this one, I’m blaming you.” 

“I already messed things up before, Williams,” sighed Garrus. “I’m not letting it happen a second time.”

___________________________________

Shepard was glad to have his little metal cup of water. It settled his stomach and got the acid taste out of his mouth. The ‘med bay’ in C-Sec was small, cramped, and understaffed if the mutterings of the asari doctor were to be believed. There were curtains drawn for a bed further down. The injured human from the shootout, probably. Chellik had pulled up an office chair and leaned against a table beside the bed. 

“Any family you’d like me to call?” he asked. Shepard briefly wondered what time it was back on Earth. Not that his brother would take a call from him at any hour. He said no and drank the rest of his water.

Chellik drummed his fingers on the metal and sighed.

“I hope Garrus finds something,” he said. “I have cases I need to get back to.”

“You believe that I didn’t shoot Nihlus?” asked Shepard. Chellik snorted and clacked his mandibles, “Obviously. Your body can’t keep secrets.” Shepard looked surprised, as well as embarrassed. Chellik adjusted in his seat to cross his legs, putting his elbows on the arm rests as he settled back.

“If you really cared more about yourself than others, you would’ve turned on your teammates, maybe Williams. She abandoned her platoon, you could’ve angled it so that she was covering up her own misdeeds with yours. Put her motives into question, take the heat off of yourself.”

Shepard didn’t know what to say to that. It had never even crossed his mind to do such a thing. Chellik watched him thoughtfully and chuckled. Shepard frowned.

“What?”

“What I said disgusted you.”

“Disgusted?” 

“Your expression gave you away.”

Shepard touched the edge of his jaw. He forced his hand to fall down to his lap as Chellik chuckled again. He was now even more self conscious. The turian picked at the ends of his talons, thinking aloud to himself, “It’s strange how Saren was able to get the geth to cooperate. Maybe it’s all the body modifications. Must have made the geth think he was one of them.”

“Modifications? What do you mean?” asked Shepard.

“That’s right, you’ve never actually seen him in person. He’s replaced a lot of his body with tech. Not because he got caught in an explosion, nothing like that. He changed out parts just because he could. He even replaced his eyes. He’s more robot than turian at this point,” Chellik leaned forward and held out a hand. “More water?”

“Yes, please.”

“So polite.”

Shepard didn’t know what to make of that comment and felt himself shrink out of embarrassment. Chellik went over to the sink to refill the cup. Watching him, he wondered what else the turian could glean by reading him. Shepard didn’t have a great poker face, evidently. The door nearby slid open and a green limb entered along with another limb, and another limb after that, and another limb-

“A keeper,” said Chellik as he handed over the cup. Shepard, broken out of his trance, stopped staring and took the cup with a quiet ‘thank you’.

“Is this your first time seeing one?”

“No, but I’ve never seen them move before.”

The two of them watched as the keeper crossed the room. The legs lacked a proper locomotion in a way. It moved at one speed and stopped abruptly in front of a panel, no easing or slowing down. It did not skitter as a spider would, or like how a crab would stalk around a seashell. Although organic... it felt robotic. Shepard had always explained away their existence as being akin to gut flora. They maintained the Citadel, and the Citadel gave them... food? Sort of. Like a spider’s web. Ugh, what did that make the Citadel’s residents in this analogy? But gut flora had more life than this mechanical meat puppet.

An organic machine, in other words. Shepard was reminded of when he tried to explain husks to Ashley. To be changed on a cellular level. To be empty inside. To only have one purpose. These ‘keepers’ had been here longer than any other race. Some proposed they were created by the protheans, either synthesized or uplifted for the task like specialized ants. But they were an evolutionary dead end; a fixed point in time.

Kaiden’s vision; organics vs synthetics. An inevitable and horrifying truth before the protheans disappeared. Shepard had a sickening thought. What if the keepers were just husks of the protheans? The ancient race all species admired and glorified, now mindless drones that wandered across the skeleton of their empire’s seat.

“I’ve heard humans use the phrase, ‘don’t hurt yourself thinking too hard’. Is that something humans can actually do?” asked Chellik. He’d already settled back into his chair, letting Shepard blankly stare into space while becoming increasingly worried. 

“What? Oh, no, sorry. I just got lost in thought.”

“Lost in thought. The mind can certainly be a maze.”

“I don’t know if this will translate,” began Shepard, holding his cup with both hands and looking down at his shadowed reflection. “When it comes to body mods, humanity has always wondered where the line is. When you stop being recognizably human and start being machine.”

“I assume this is a philosophical question that goes beyond body ratio?”

“Right, yes. When you said Saren is more robot than turian, uh, how do I say this... do you think it has effected his ability to empathize with people? That his synthetics have changed him?” 

Chellik mulled that one over for a bit. He said, “I think that’s a very human question. In a turian sense... We generally value objectivity and order. Saren at least pretends to have such values. He says he is objective to justify being cruel, and he says he resorts to violence first to maintain order. What he lacks, though, and always has, is honor.”

“And what does honor mean in the turian sense?” 

“Now there’s a topic that’s been argued about for thousands and thousands of years,” Chellik laughed and then groaned. “The nuances of all the different schools of thought are impossible to communicate. The best I can summarize turian honor as is that it’s a balance between pride, ethics, and self sacrifice. Grossly over simplified, it’s a form of self discipline. Now drink your water.”

Shepard did as told, aware he’d probably given the poor investigator a headache. Chellik propped up his head with one of his hands and stared at him acutely as he downed the contents. Unfortunately finished, Shepard went back to looking at his cup, a ring of water at the bottom catching the light. He rotated the cup slightly, watching the gleam shift.

“Are you trying to understand his motivations, Commander?” asked Chellik.

“Something like that... I’m trying to figure out what the pattern is.”

“A pattern?”

Shepard nodded grimly. He looked up and gave a rueful smile, “A human saying is that history always repeats itself. I’m wondering if all of this has happened before, back during the prothean’s time. If some things are just... inevitable.”

“You’re not supposed to be up yet,” complained the asari doctor in the back. Shepard and Chellik turned to look. An armored pair of legs were stretched out off the bed as a gloved hand pulled the curtain back. A human biotic with a wicked red mark on his forehead and a dazed expression stared back at them. 

Shepard squinted, “Kaiden?” 

“Travis,” he replied hoarsely. After a second he flinched and looked mortified, covering his mouth. The doctor sighed and walked away, “Keep it down, I’ll get the bucket.”

“Friend of yours?” asked Chellik. Shepard got up and made a hasty beeline for Kaiden.

“A shootout?” he asked. “What were you doing at a shootout?”

Kaiden dropped his hand, about to say something, but gave up and let his head droop. Shepard pulled over a stool that was hiding by another bed and sat down. His hands floated around Kaiden’s head, to cautious to touch the bruise. 

“Does this have to do with the case?” he asked. “Did Udina put you up to this? If he made you do anything stupid to save face for him, I swear- wait, where’s Ashley?”

Kaiden blinked, then smacked his forehead. He winced upon impact, groaning as he turned green. Shepard patted him on the shoulder with a sympathetic look.

“Alright, what’s wrong?” he asked.

Kaiden swallowed something bitter and suddenly looked dog tired, “A lot of things. We were following a lead on Saren but had to split up. Shit hit the fan on my end and the chief took over.”

“Do you know where she is?”

“I’m not sure if I should tell you that, to be honest.”

Shepard leaned back, retracting his hands. He put them in his lap and cracked the first knuckle. He kept his eyes on his fingers and said in a low voice, “I get it, I wouldn’t trust me either after that hearing.”

He looked up and Kaiden seemed conflicted. He smiled half heartedly at Shepard.

“It’s not like that. The walls have ears, you know? That’s all.” Kaiden couldn’t look at the commander while he said it. His eyes glanced to the side as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Here,” said the doctor. They were both startled at her reappearance, but Kaiden took the bucket and hugged it to his chest. He was still pretty green. The asari glared at Shepard. 

“I need to evaluate my patient. If you’re up and walking around, you’re fine enough to leave.”

“Sorry, I’ll go,” Shepard got up to put the stool back. 

“Wait,” Kaiden grabbed his forearm. “Are you sure it’s safe for you to be here? Williams kept hounding me about you possibly getting hurt in custody.” 

“If anything happened to me that would be evidence against Saren,” said Shepard. He put a gloved hand over Kaiden’s grip. “Not that I’m inviting trouble. We’ll just have to wait and see what Williams comes up with. Until then, rest. That’s an order.” 

He felt Kaiden’s grip loosen and let his hand slip away. Pleased, he added, “I hope you feel better soon.” He left and joined Chellik at the door. He waved as they went through the doorway.

Kaiden weakly waved back as the doors swished closed. 

Shepard and Chellik walked through the rest of C-Sec, the officers now calm that the explosion was dealt with. The air was busy with chatter, a pleasant respite from the awkward silence. He felt Chellik staring at him as they got closer to his office. He fiddled with his hands until the reached the door.

“What is it?” he asked. Chellik hummed and crinkled his eyes, then gestured for him to walk in. As they both sat down on either side of the desk, Chellik rested his elbows on top and leaned forward.

“You’re brave for a coward,” he said. Shepard cracked his middle knuckle and clenched his jaw. Was he really that transparent? Maybe his posturing just made his squad more nervous. He winced as he heard another knuckle crack.

“You misunderstand me,” said Chellik. “Back on my colony, we have a saying. To be brave, you must first be afraid. Otherwise you’re just a bold fool.”

“I guess I’d rather be a coward than a fool,” said Shepard as Chellik laced his talons together. 

“It’s easier to overcome fear than stupidity.”

Shepard laughed and felt his hands soften their grip, “I’ve done my share of stupid things.”

“The self awareness helps, at least,” Chellik brought up his omni tool and his mandibles twitched. “When this situation gets cleared up, there’s a case I need your help with. Apparently, I just lost my main source because of your squad’s hijinks, so I’ll take a favor as an apology.”

“Of course,” sighed Shepard, but he was glad. When this situation gets cleared up. Not if, but when. That’s a good sign, even if things went south for him again. There was something bigger than his reputation at stake. Someone needed to go after Saren, he didn’t care who at this point.

A salarian came in out of breath. She leaned against the doorway and said, “Vakarian’s back. Pallin wants to see you.”

Chellik stood up.

“Not you. The human.”

Shepard grimaced and got out of his seat. He held out a hand towards the turian, “It was not that terrible to meet you.” Chellik shook it and said, “Likewise. Good luck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 18 of my story ‘Running and Falling’, this time with even more running and falling.   
> We’re drifting back to canon! Kind of. You’ll see~
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	19. The Latest Gossip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrus presents evidence to Executor Pallin, our engineer gets called out for perjury, and Kaiden regrets everything.

Garrus, with three aliens trailing behind him, ignored every single person in his way and banged directly on Pallin’s door. The trick was to get in before they could yell at him. Have your boss say thank you before you had to say sorry generally eased the punishment later. A turian C-Sec guard caught up with him and she repeated, “You can’t go in, he has a meeting soon.”

“I’ll keep it short, then,” said Garrus and banged on the door again. This time it opened, revealing a very tired Pallin hunched over his desk in the middle of the room. He stopped pressing a button he had off to the side.

“Explosions in the wards and a trail of dead bodies? Did you forget you were suspended? You’re killing me, Vakarian,” he hissed and looked around Garrus. Wrex and Williams he knew of, but the third one? He nodded at the quarian, “Who is this?”

She straightened her back and lifted up the chin of her helmet, “Tali’Zorah nar Rayya.”

“Nar? Ah, you must be on your pilgrimage, then,” said Pallin and she clasped her hands together, pleased. Garrus briskly stepped in, “She can prove that Saren Arterius is working with the geth.” 

“That’s nice,” said Pallin simply. 

“That’s nice?” Garrus echoed back. “Sir, this the break we’ve been looking for.”

“I’ll hold my judgement until after I see this ‘evidence’ of yours,” said Pallin. “Are the others necessary for this?” He waved a hand at Wrex and Williams. Garrus felt his mandibles twitch.

“They helped stop Saren’s mercs from killing her just a few minutes ago. They can also confirm the authenticity of the evidence and the information I gathered on Saren’s latest stunts.”

“Stunts?” prompted Pallin.

“Betraying the Shadow Broker and turning an agent called Fist, the owner of Chora’s Den. He was the source of the fighting in the wards,” said Garrus. 

“And where is Fist now?”

“Dead,” cut in Wrex.

Pallin rolled his head to look at Garrus, disbelieving, “You let him kill Fist?” 

“I wouldn’t say ‘let’, it’s a very mischaracterizing word in this instance,” said Garrus. 

“Did you try to stop him?” asked Pallin. 

“Technically... no, but that’s because-”

Pallin held up a hand, “I’ll deal with you later.” With a sigh he turned back to the quarian, “The evidence, please, Miss Rayya?”

“I prefer Tali, if that’s alright?” she asked. Pallin nodded and gestured to continue. She pulled up her omni tool along with a piece of... something from a pocket in her suit. “During my travels I began hearing reports of geth. I was curious, so I tracked a patrol of geth to an uncharted world and waited for one to become separated from its unit. Then I disabled it and removed its memory core.”

Pallin held out a hand and Tali gently placed the core in his hand. He turned it around slowly, inspecting it with wonder. He only touched it with the tips of his talons.

“My understanding is that the geth fry their memory cores as a defense mechanism. It made gathering evidence on Eden Prime next to impossible. How did you manage to preserve it?” asked Pallin.

“My people are the ones that made them, Executor. If you’re quick, careful, and lucky, small caches of data can be saved. Most of the core was wiped clean. But I salvaged something from its audio banks.” She interacted with her omni tool and a sound file started playing. Saren’s gravelly voice came in loud and clear.

“Eden Prime was a major victory, the beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the conduit.” 

Pallin’s eyes brightened and he sat up straighter, almost laughing, “Proof. It’s actual proof.” He leaned forward, “This conduit he spoke of. Were you able to find any information on it?”

“No, but there’s more, Saren isn’t working alone,” said Tali and resumed playing the file. A deep effeminate voice slithered in.

“And one step closer to the return of the Reapers.”

Pallin’s mandibles wavered in surprise. 

“I know her...” he frowned. “I can’t recall her name, but I’ve heard Councilor Tevos speaking with her on occasion when I’ve walked into her office. She’ll want to know about this person’s involvement, even if Sparatus and Valern dismiss her importance. Dare I ask what the Reapers are?”

“According to the geth, and I am summarizing,” started Tali. “They’re ancient machines that wiped out the protheans. The geth regard them as gods and believe Saren knows how to bring them back.”

“An intriguing story,” began Pallin after a moment, letting it sink in. “It explains how Arterius was able to persuade the geth to leave the Veil, at least. Uhrm, but... The Council will probably dismiss the concept of literal killing machines as being myth. I suggest you don’t press them on the topic when presenting the sound file.”

Williams clenched her fists and stepped forward.

“The Reapers match up with the vision that Commander Shepard received from the beacon, sir. It can’t just be a coincidence.” 

Pallin sighed and glared tiredly at the human, “I would advise against mentioning the commander to the Council, as well. He’s still under investigation for murder, remember?”

Williams balked, “But we just proved that Saren was working with the geth! That he was on Eden Prime! He’s the one that shot Nihlus!”

“This proves that the geth were working under Arterius’s orders, yes, but not that he shot Nihlus Kryik. Unless there’s something you’d like to tell me, Gunnery Chief Williams,” said Pallin. She stiffened. Garrus looked at her. Oh? Pallin got an alert on his screen and pressed the button off to the side again. Wrex and Williams stepped away from the door as it opened. 

“Commander Shepard,” greeted Pallin. “You have fortunate timing.”

“Commander! You’re alive,” breathed Williams.

“Were you hoping I was dead, Chief?” asked Shepard. 

She saluted, “No, sir!”

“At ease,” he said with a smile and Williams relaxed. The escort let Shepard go into the office. Garrus watched him. He’d never seen the commander in person; tall and lanky with a surprisingly good attitude. If he’d just had a little more time to follow his last lead, they’ve could’ve evaded this mess entirely. He wondered if Shepard held any resentment towards him and found himself shying away as he stepped forward. 

The commander walked in between Williams and Wrex and reached the desk. With one last curious look around the crowded office, he said, “You called for me, Executor?” 

“According to one of my sources, you and your team have been lying to the Council, Commander,” stated Pallin. “I thought I’d give you a chance to ‘come clean’, as the saying goes.”

Williams started to look a little pale. Garrus caught it in his peripheral, he wondered if her brashness had gotten the commander in trouble. She seemed like the type. The commander’s smile dropped but he wasn’t panicked.

“With an audience?” asked Shepard. Pallin clacked his mandibles with a scoff and said, “Originally, no, but it seems one of my-” he shot a glance at Garrus who shrunk even further back “-off duty investigators has found key evidence against Saren Arterius.”

“Have you informed the Council?” asked Shepard, ignoring Garrus, much to his relief. Pallin squinted at him, “No, not yet.”

The commander gave a shallow bow and said, “Then I’ll leave you to it, Executor Pallin.” He turned to leave the office. 

“Your testimony is still under contention, Commander. A cohort of yours is the one that told me. Will you still say nothing?” asked Pallin. Shepard stopped in his tracks. He looked to the side at Williams. She seemed alarmed and shook her head. He turned back to the executor and kept his face neutral.

“Will your investigator’s evidence make the Council remove Saren from the Specters?” he asked.

“Most definitely.”

“Great, then you have more important things to do than ask questions I’ve already answered,” he said. Garrus reeled at the frankness and Williams looked uneasy. Wrex was delighted and chuckled from deep in his throat.

Pallin sighed, “Perjury is a crime in Citadel space, too, Shepard. I cannot promise the excuse of ‘following orders’ will save you, although I admire your loyalty to Captain Anderson.”

Shepard grimaced with disgust, “No one’s accused me of loyalty before, least of all Anderson.”

“What drives you, then?”

“You would call it honor, Executor, but I’m just trying to curb the death count,” said Shepard. “Report your findings to the Council. Excuse the crassness, but you’ll get your gossip at the same time as everyone else.” 

Pallin was about to say something then stopped. He paused, thinking. He leaned back, visibly intrigued, “Ah, I see. Thank you for being patient with me.” He brought up his omni tool. “I’ll message the Council now.”

Garrus frowned at the exchange, confused. The translator must’ve gone haywire. Then he thought about the commander’s word choice. Report your findings. You’ll get your gossip. Same time as everyone else. Shepard wouldn’t tell the truth until after Saren was proven guilty. Afterwards he could tell everyone. Whatever information he had was sensitive until then. 

But what could that be?

He was trying to curb the death count. Some one could die if he told the truth. Who? You would call it honor. Pallin would call his actions honorable. What did Shepard do? He barely said anything during the hearing, he didn’t even try to deny shooting Nihlus, then accepted going into custody. Where was the honor in that? Accepting your actions? No, that wasn’t it. Driven by honor, curbing the death count. Unless that was it. He didn’t say anything, he went into custody. He didn’t want to contest the ruling or how Nihlus died. Wait an eye blink, the coroner never left the Normandy after sending in her report. She was still there with her escort. Garrus had thought it was to guard the body from being stolen by Saren’s goons, but what if Shepard didn’t want to contest how Nihlus died...

Because he didn’t want to draw attention to the fact that Nihlus never died in the first place?

“Oh spirits.”

He closed up his mandibles with a clack, embarrassed by how wide they’d spread open. Shepard finally looked at him. His eyes weren’t particularly notable, just a dull brown. But the way he stared at Garrus. It was piercing, like he saw straight through him. If Shepard had a gun, he’d be pointing it at him. Garrus found himself raising his hands up just below his chest, with a nervous pull on one of his mandibles. Shepard returned the smile just barely, then finally tore his eyes away from him. Garrus let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.

A chorus of pings sounded in the office. Pallin, Garrus, Williams, Shepard, Tali and even Wrex looked down at their omni tools.

“It appears the Council has accepted my summons,” Pallin stood up, still looking at his omni tool. His message must have been longer. “What’s that saying of yours? Throw one stone, kill two birds?” He gave Shepard a sly smile. “I believe this will all be sorted out in no time.”

___________________________

The Council hall was disturbingly quiet. No wandering politicians or stressed lobbyists. Just the skitter of keepers as they went about their business. Udina was not happy. Not that he was ever happy, Anderson noted. They waited by the elevators for the rest of their party, the Council’s hearing, or whatever it was, was not in session yet. When the doors parted, it was to offload an astonishing amount of people. Executor Pallin, Commander Shepard, Garrus Vakarian, Gunnery Chief Williams, a krogan, a quarian and an armed escort of C-Sec officers exited, like the start of a bad joke.

“Where is Lieutenant Alenko?” asked Udina. Anderson resisted rolling his eyes, of course he would find something to be upset about. But then he also wondered where Alenko was.

“Still in the infirmary, if he’s lucky. On his way, if otherwise,” said Pallin. “Your commander didn’t cave, Ambassador Udina. If you want to know what the captain’s hiding, you’ll have to ask Anderson yourself.”

Shepard muttered, “Of course you’d try to pull a fast one on me, you snake.” Udina’s face twisted sour but he didn’t say anything, turning his head to observe the hall. Pallin was positively chuffed by the display when he got a ping on his omni tool. With a quick glance, he left the group. 

“Wait here, I must attend to the Council. You will all be called in shortly,” he said as he withdrew further into the hall.

“Would someone kindly tell us what’s going on?” asked Anderson. Shepard titled his head to the side.

“Don’t like being kept in the dark, Captain?” he countered. 

Anderson frowned at him and said, “I suppose I deserve that, but I won’t tolerate your attitude for long. I’ll straighten you out soon enough, Commander.”

Vakarian raised his hands and joked in a light tone, “If we could keep the backstabbing to a minimum, that would do wonders in presenting our case against Saren.”

Anderson perked up at that, “You’ve found proof.”

Udina whipped his head around, “Why didn’t you say so!” He immediately marched off after the executor. “I’m not letting the Council squirm out of this one.”

“Udina,” Anderson called after him. “Udina!” He sighed, told to the group to stay, then went after the rampaging ambassador. 

__________________________________

“Are you nervous?” asked Chellik.

“I’m trying not to be,” said Kaiden with a weary smile. They had to walk past the mass relay statue again on their way to the Council hall’s elevator. He hadn’t gone that close to it, but with his head injury on top of... well, everything, he was extra sensitive. His jaw felt sore along with a nasty headache. Now that he was being called in front of the Council again, he had another wave of nausea coming on. 

Chellik gave a ‘hm’ and looked out the glass walls of the elevator. Kaiden took the chance to clear his head. No thoughts, just taking in sensory data; the light coming from outside, the thrum of the elevator moving, the faint sound of air circulation. 

White noise.

He closed his eyes, holding onto the ambient sound like it was guiding him through the dark.

Breathe in through the nose over five seconds.

Hold it for five seconds.

Out through the mouth over five seconds.

Hold it for five seconds.

He repeated this until he felt present, like he only existed in the here and the now. 

His last step was what he called ‘unspooling’. He didn’t activate his biotics per say. It was more like letting his sense of three dimensional space take over. The shape of the interior of the elevator, the vibration of sliding along its path. Chellik in front of him, a various array of sound, movement, and heat. 

He ‘felt’ around the space, stretching out to touch the ceiling and then down into the corners by the floor. He felt along the edges where the metal plates joined and pressed himself against the walls, feeling their subtle textures as he pushed. He couldn’t pull or lift when he was spread thinly like this, but there was a security in ‘knowing’ where you were. 

After he was done inspecting the room, he turned inwards. Blood pumping, heart beating, nerves firing, peristaltic movements along his intestines; it was all functioning the way it was supposed to, all moving to an internal rhythm. The contracting of muscles as he rolled his shoulders, the vacuum his lungs produced to suck in air, the rotation of joints in their sockets, all under his control. He ‘rewound’, letting his sense of self retreat further inward until he was back in place. 

He opened his eyes slowly. The nausea had dissipated and his jaw muscles softened. The headache was still there, but not as strong. He was finally himself again. The thrum of the elevator slowed to a whine and the doors retracted. A crowd of people were waiting, murmuring amongst themselves. An organic sound, pleasant after the mechanical whirring. 

Kaiden followed after Chellik, looking around. The C-Sec officers were talking to Vakarian who spoke animatedly with excitement, a quarian standing next to him with her hands clasped together. Chora’s Den must have gone well. He caught a glimpse of Shepard and Williams off to the side. They both looked upset, hastily whispering back and forth. Then he noticed the krogan from the shootout walking towards them. Kaiden tapped Chellik’s shoulder. 

“May I?” he pointed back towards his squad. 

“Sure, but we’ll be starting soon,” warned Chellik. Kaiden hurried over just in time to see the krogan step in front of Williams. Shepard was alarmed but stood perfectly still as the krogan glowered down at him.

“Take it easy, Wrex,” said Williams as she pushed him away. “He’s my commander.” He gently wavered to the side, surprised by her strength. 

“You did your job. He should be grateful,” grumbled Wrex.

“Did she tell you about the Shadow Broker?” asked Kaiden. All three stopped to look at him. Shepard sighed and said, “Yeah, she did.” He turned back to Williams, “You disobeyed direct orders.”

“The captain will understand, just like when you disobeyed orders back on Prime,” said Williams flippantly, crossing her arms. Shepard’s expression darkened.

“I don’t care if the captain understands, I’m the one that made the decision and you went behind my back, Ashley.”

Williams dropped her arms, “That’s not-”

“Do you even care that you endangered a person’s life?” asked Shepard. “Or can you sacrifice someone else that easily?”

“Of course not,” said Williams, suddenly half the height she used to be. “I mean- I just- I wanted to make sure nothing happened to you, there wasn’t time to- to-” She got stuck and went quiet. 

“Commander,” said Kaiden calmly, drawing the ire of Shepard’s glare. “Williams acted out of line because she lost faith in me as a leader. She acted in your best interest as your subordinate when I froze. There wasn’t a second we could waste. If you’re going to reprimand anyone, it should be me.”

The commander paused, mulling over the request. He pressed his fist into his other hand and two knuckles popped. Given all that Shepard had done to keep Nihlus safe and alive, Kaiden wished he’d been more strict with Williams as her superior. It wasn’t just his behavior with Barla Von that made her get out of hand, he could trace it all the way back to the train ride on Eden Prime. Mistake after mistake after mistake, he’d relied on Shepard to guide both of them rather than act as his second in command. Williams treated him like her equal because that was how he acted around her.

Shepard flexed both his hands and forced them down to his sides. He was clearly still angry, but it was colder now, more subdued. He looked back at Williams. 

“Morally, I don’t agree with the value judgment you made,” he said. “Strategically, it was stupid.”

Williams looked surprised and indignant. She opened her mouth but Shepard held up a hand, cutting her off. 

“Using your logic,” he began. “Does getting the one person who can prove my innocence killed sound like a good idea, Chief?”

Williams clammed up, her shoulders inching up towards her ears. He waited for an answer and the silence dragged out uncomfortably. He ground his teeth and took a breath to speak when Kaiden said, “She gets it, Commander. Be fair.” 

Shepard’s acidic expression faded, the wind dropping out of his sails. Kaiden could tell he wasn’t done, but he let the bitterness go with a sigh. He nodded towards the krogan.

“I see you’ve made friends, how’d that happen?”

Her mouth was still glued shut. Wrex looked at her in a way that Kaiden couldn’t place and asked, “Should I eat him?”

“What? No!” said Williams. She grimaced and looked away. “He made a fair point.” She crossed her arms and manage to make eye contact with the commander again. “Saren’s pissed off a lot of people. The aliens- er- Garrus, Tali, and Wrex- are a result of that. They can help prove he was behind Eden Prime.”

“Good,” said Shepard. “That means someone can finally go after him.”

“You’re not going to?” asked Wrex. Shepard winced and gave a weak shrug.

“I didn’t make a great impression with the Council. They think I killed one of their Specters.”

“A Specter killer is what they need,” said Wrex. Shepard blinked. Sounding like he was far away, he muttered, “Well, you’re technically not wrong...”

A turian with a Council guard called from up the stairs and waved an arm. Everyone started shuffling forward towards the steps. Williams walked close to Shepard before Kaiden could reach him. He didn’t mean to over hear but-

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. Shepard kept his eyes looking ahead and responded in a low voice, “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” Williams slowed down to let the commander go, defeated. And then she was shoulder to shoulder with Kaiden. She glanced at him uncomfortably.

“Hey, LT,” she mumbled.

He bumped his shoulder into hers. “Good job on rescuing the quarian, Chief.” That made her expression lighten a bit. 

“Thanks,” she said, surprised. Then she had a shadow of guilt fall over her. “And thanks for stepping in with... you know.” She’d been lectured enough for today. He wanted to make the atmosphere lighter again and smiled.

“Buy me a drink and I’ll call us even,” said Kaiden. Williams snorted and pushed his shoulder. “In your dreams, Alenko.” Something caught her attention and she fell back with a wave. He waved back, internally screaming. He just made her lack of respect for him even worse. He skipped a couple of steps to catch up with Travis at the top of the stairs. But then he slowed down. Shepard, he corrected. Shepard had bigger things to worry about than him being an idiot. He could tell him about it later. If there was a later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun exploring biotics for a bit, as well as Garrus’s thought process. I’m looking forward to getting the NPCs to interact with each other more, especially with Ashley and Wrex. She deserves a character arc, some growth, maybe a handful of alien friends. And Kaiden suffers yet again. He’s a very ‘inward’ character, so I gotta kick him around a little to get him to talk. Poor thing. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!


	20. Trusting the Selfish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our engineer does his best to warn the Council about the Reapers, but finds himself in a tight spot when his Specter candidacy is mentioned. A tidbit of his past is revealed to Nihlus in private to dissuade him from acting selfishly, but unlocks a desire within Shepard to be more than only (a) human.

Shepard did have bigger things to worry about than Kaiden shooting himself in the foot. As soon as the Council turned on Saren, they could finally get Nihlus into a hospital to receive proper care. He hoped they could get this over with quickly as he finished the climb to the dais. 

Up top was Udina fuming in sharp whispers while Anderson, begrudgingly, tried to calm him down. Shepard ignored them and noticed the two C-Sec guards off to the left. He knew them from somewhere. Then he spotted, just behind them, a turian in white with short fringe and no markings. The coroner, Habril, leaned against the railing as she watched the Council confer amongst themselves on the other side of the gap. He felt his chest tighten and made a bee-line for her. One of the guards, an asari, held up her hand to stop him, but Habril greeted him warmly, “Commander, I’ve heard you’ve had an interesting day.”

Her voice was cracked with age, her second voice box getting caught on the tail end of words. Shepard still looked haggard as he tried to joke, “It’ll make me appreciate the boring days more, I suppose. Please tell me your day’s been uneventful.”

She croaked a laugh.

“No, but I mean that in the best of ways,” she nodded towards the other side of the balcony. Shepard looked towards the right, and behind the human team there was Pallin, arms crossed as he spoke causally with with another turian in casual clothes. A turian who’s left mandible was thoroughly cracked with jagged blue lines that extended to the cheekbone, bits of steri-strips holding it together. 

“Nihlus!” gasped Shepard, immediately brightening. A murmur erupted behind him, the rest of the group had caught up. The turians heard him, Nihlus stepping to the side to get a better look. Shepard wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to run over and be ecstatic, they’d only spoken twice and Saren’s betrayal was a grim topic. Self conscious, he decided to smother his grin and give a perfect salute, heels clicking.

“I thought we were done with decorum?” asked Nihlus, amused. Both of his mandibles barely moved, the left one frozen in place. He walked forward with his left arm crossing his body, hand gripping the railing tight, and stopped where it ended at the tongue that stretched out towards the Council. His right arm hung limply at his side, swaying slightly. Shepard noticed and shortened the space between them, trying not to let his concern show.

“I can’t believe you’re up and walking,” he said, lowering his voice as he got closer. 

“Neither can the Council,” chuckled Nihlus. “If Dr. Habril had her way, I’d still be in bed. It’s hard to stay put when someone’s being accused of your murder.” Shepard frowned, really looking at the damage. 

“How’s the pain?”

“Manageable,” Nihlus turned his head to show his right side instead. “The swelling makes everything stiff. I can still speak clearly, but it feels weird not being able to move my face.” He squinted his eyes, a smile. “I shouldn’t be complaining, I’m glad to be alive. Thank you.”

Shepard didn’t know how to respond, a sick feeling of worry taking root. Paralysis can occur on the right side of the body if the left side of the brain is damaged, true. The shot had been fairly shallow with a short path through the skull, Shepard had been more concerned about him bleeding out than serious brain damage. Perhaps he misjudged. A delay in Nihlus’s motor control, just by a split second, could mean the difference between life and death.

“I was surprised, Commander,” said Pallin as he wandered over, Nihlus shifted to face him as well, leaning his back against the railing. “I didn’t think a human would go so far to protect a turian.” 

A flash of a thought. Ashley.

“I’m not sure how effective I was,” admitted Shepard, looking away. His eyes drifted down. Nihlus’s right hand still swayed from the movement he’d made. Nihlus chuckled again, saying, “How humble,” and turned to face the Council while keeping his weight on the railing, hiding his right arm. Pallin leaned in towards Shepard.

“It’ll help your cause with Sparatus, at least. He’s acutely aware of how aggressive human expansion has been, you’ll need whatever favor you can get.”

The murmur behind them quieted down. The Council approached their stands, ready. Shepard took up a position at Nihlus’s right side, following as he slid his left hand along the railing. There was a carefulness in the way he’d place right foot down, like he was on thin ice. It was subtle, but it made the his overall stride feel off. 

“Have you experienced any side effects?” Shepard muttered.

“The medication is mild, I’m fine.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

They stopped walking. Nihlus didn’t turn his head to look at him. His eyes drifted from one focal point to another as he perched against the railing. His right hand, with a pronounced quiver, slowly rose to join his left hand’s grip on the metal. 

“We can talk about this later,” he whispered, his words almost lost in the rustle of the crowd gathering. Shepard planted himself on Nihlus’s right and gently pulled on his upper right arm. 

“Let me help,” he said. Nihlus seemed unsure. Tentatively he tested how much weight the commander could take. Without the armor, he wasn’t that heavy. Nihlus sighed as he eased the strain on his right leg by leaning on him. 

Shepard felt a presence behind his shoulder and looked. Kaiden jumped a little, then gave a close lipped smiled, embarrassed. He tapped the railing beside him and Kaiden settled there. Habril and her guards lined up on the other side of him.

Everyone else also drifted up to the railings. Ashley went to the left side of the balcony to join Anderson, keeping her distance from Shepard and Nihlus. Vakarian, Wrex and the quarian followed her while Pallin and Udina stayed at the beginning of the tongue. 

Councilor Tevos nodded with her compatriots and began speaking, “Thank you for gathering on such short notice. We would like to hear the recording one more time. From the geth memory core itself, if possible.”

“Is the Council suggesting the evidence is fake?” asked Udina. “Yet another denial of the truth!”

“Please, Ambassador,” started Valern, the salarian councilor. “We are not contesting Saren Arterius’s treason. His behavior has left a devastating trail; attempted murder of a fellow Specter, attempted assassination of an innocent civilian, attempted destruction of evidence, eliciting a violent reaction from criminal elements and causing chaos in the wards, and not responding to our summons are all indicative of his rogue status already. Allying with the geth and attacking a colony, as well as attempting to destroy a monumental archaeological find, is on such a higher scale of destruction it borders on unbelievable.”

“However, the evidence is impossible to ignore,” said Sparatus, the turian councilor. “We understand your apprehension, but I must remind you that we cannot act without irrefutable proof. Had the situation been reversed, the results of the first hearing would have been the same.” He gave Udina a withering glance. “No matter how convinced you are of an agenda being at play.”

Nihlus’s right mandible pulled down and back, displeased, “There is a bias, though, Councilor Sparatus.” He wasn’t able to keep the expression long, but Sparatus caught it, his own mandibles pulling back to bare his teeth in offense. Shepard was surprised he would dare to speak out of turn, but Nihlus was probably as familiar with the Council as Pallin was.

“We each wish to hear the recording again for our own reasons,” cut in Tevos. “Personally, I want to be certain of who I’m also accusing of treason.”

Pallin motioned toward the quarian, “Tali, if you’d please.”

She looked between her group and the Council, alarmed. Vakarian gave her a reassuring squeeze on her elbow with a lazy smile.

“Same as before,” he said. She paused a moment before nodding and taking out the core. Just before she parted from the group, Ashley let go of the railing and whispered something to her. Tali let slip a giggle. She went up to the tongue easily and took a few steps beyond Pallin and Udina. She brought up her omni tool, powering the core and showing how she accessed its files. Quick, careful, and lucky, as she put it. Then she played the sound file.

“Eden Prime was a major victory-”

Shepard felt his skin crawl at the sound of Saren’s voice. So confident, so pleased. He remembered Saren’s gloating face as he said, ‘You are, after all, only human.’

“-finding the conduit.” 

Shoot, the last part sounded important. He mouthed ‘Conduit?’ at Kaiden, but he only shrugged. 

“And one step closer to the return of the Reapers.”

Shepard felt a cognitive dissonance as he tried to process the second voice. He was compelled to look at the geth core Tali was holding out, like that would help some how. Like when you turn down the music to look for something you lost. But then he felt Kaiden’s shoulder bump into his. He had a hand floating between them, like he meant to get his attention. His eyes were focused on the core like he was trying to figure out if it was rigged to explode or not. He was obviously deeply concerned, but it was how puzzled his expression was the struck Shepard. 

Tevos sighed and Shepard was drawn back. She grimaced and said, “Yes, that is Matriarch Benezia. There was a split in her following shortly before Eden Prime when she became an advisor for Saren. I was approached by her lost followers to guide her, but they were either vague or silent on why they’d left. When I tried to speak with her on the issue, she evaded the subject.” 

Tevos looked down at her stand. Her expression was dark with grief. The asari herself was not a matriarch, even with her Council position she could only be so demanding with someone she had to respect. Maybe if she pushed Benezia harder on why her followers were divided on Saren, what happened on Eden Prime could have been prevented. He was familiar with that type of guilt. That horrible feeling of inaction. It makes you forget you weren’t the one that did it. A memory startled to bubble up and he crushed it down. A memory older than Jenkins, older than Skylar, older than his N1 training. It wasn’t his fault, he reminded himself. If anything, he helped, but that still tasted like a lie. 

Tevos did her best to continue, “I recently lost all contact with her, I suspect she’s fully allied herself with Saren’s cause. Those that remain with her are highly trained commandos, some of our most deadly biotics. Her influence combined with Saren and the geth...” She shook her head, covering her mouth with a hand. It was strange to see a Councilor so compromised, it felt wrong to watch. 

Valern took over, “I understand there’s no information on the conduit that’s mentioned. I would like to know more about these Reapers if possible?”

Tali projected a display of all the different data files on the Reapers, a wide collection of little windows.

“Based on what the geth believe, the Reapers are an ancient race of advanced machines that existed fifty thousand years ago, predating galactic civilization. They wiped out all intelligent organic life, the prothean empire at the time, and vanished shortly after. The geth revere them as the pinnacle of synthetic design and worship them as gods. Saren has convinced the geth he can bring back the Reapers, wiping out all organics once more should they return.”

That sounded familiar. This time Kaiden’s hand clamped onto Shepard’s arm. He’d managed to keep his face neutral, but when his eyes glanced over, it was pure terror. An inevitable and horrifying truth.

“And this conduit will allow him to do that?” asked Valern. Sparatus scoffed, cutting off Tali before she could answer.

“Listen to yourselves! Saren wants to bring back machines that wiped out all life in the galaxy? Impossible, it has to be.”

Udina spoke up, “Just as impossible as it was for Saren to attack Eden Prime? I see the Council’s prejudice against humanity continues.”

Sparatus bared his teeth again, making a guttural sound of disgust.

“You use false equivalencies. You proved Saren is working with the geth to find the conduit, but not what his goal is, Ambassador,” He spat. “Where did the Reapers go? Why did they vanish? How come we’ve found no trace of their existence? If they were real, we would have found something. The Reapers are obviously just a myth, a convenient lie to cover Saren’s true purpose. A legend to bend the geth to his will.”

Kaiden squeezed his arm, his face silently pleading. The Reapers did align with the vision from the beacon. Not heeding the prothean’s last warning before they died could end disastrously for all of them. Shepard hadn’t had much luck speaking with the Council last time. Kaiden had a much better understanding of the vision than he did, but he was under orders not to tell anyone. If he felt it was important that the Council take the threat seriously, then Shepard had to do something on his behalf. He wasn’t sure if I had the right angle on this, but it was certainly an angle.

With much trepidation, Shepard said, “Proof of the Reapers does exist.” 

And just like that, he was in the spotlight again, all heads twisting to look at him. Sparatus glared and said, “I hope you don’t mean your vision, Commander. Accurately interpreting a ten thousand year old burst of information, from a beacon of a civilization that predates modern humans no less, is doubtful.”

“Whether or not you believe my account, the fact that Saren was able to approach the geth without dying is telling.”

“I’m intrigued,” said Valern. “You may approach.” 

That meant leaving the railing. Shepard looked up at Nihlus, worried, but the turian gave him another squint of a smile.

“Go,” he whispered. Shepard was torn, but then he had a thought. He quickly murmured something to Kaiden as he pulled away and went to join Tali. Kaiden closed the gap he left behind without question and gave Nihlus a subtle nod. Nihlus, surprised but relieved, rested against him.

Shepard turned to Tali as he arrived, “You used the word worship, but are the geth capable of comprehending something as intangible or philosophical as religion?” She cocked her head, thinking as she put away the core. His stomach flipped; he wondered if the translator picked up the words correctly. 

“I can’t give a definitive answer,” she said. “They’ve had a hundred years to evolve, I would need more time studying them to say for sure.” She widened her arms, like she was indicating the length of time, then framed her head with her hands. “What we do know is that they’re a hive mind, so individually they’re not as intelligent as the group. With enough geth to up their processing power, they may be able to understand concepts that exist outside binary logic.”

“Without an organic to explain it to them or push them down that path?” asked Shepard. “Myths, legends, gods; these are all comforting placeholder explanations for what organics could not previously understand. What purpose would they serve for a synthetic that does not have the bodily chemistry to feel fear?” That made her pause again. She tapped a finger on the metal of her helmet. She was starting to get what he was saying. She stretched forward her hands, like they were holding a box.

“Originally, geth were designed to efficiently complete tasks using physical labor.” Her hands lifted upwards with fingers splayed towards her head as she tilted it. “Imagining something that doesn’t physically or numerically exist isn’t a part of how they were meant to function.” She placed a fist on top of the flat of her other hand and pushed down with resistance, miming a sense of matter. “Their belief in Reapers would have to be based on something they’ve found. Whether that’s an artifact or piece of data they recovered, I don’t know. A single geth would not have a library of proof, but an outline of the hive mind consensus. In that sense, ‘a geth’ believes in the Reapers,” she said with her hands gestured upwards again, then balled them up. “But ‘the geth’ have catalogued enough empirical evidence of the Reapers to prove their existence.”

“This veers dangerously into off topic speculation, we can’t possibly know how substantial the geth’s claims are regarding the Reapers,” said Sparatus. 

“Although the discussion is compelling, I have to agree,” added Valern. Tali hummed and held up her hands, fingers searching for words in the air. She put her hands back together and pointed them at Shepard, her head timidly sinking between hunched shoulders.

“You grok, right?” 

Now that was a highly specific word. He didn’t think he truly ‘grokked’ the geth, but maybe he could communicate the situation better. He took over and addressed the Council, “Think of it this way; we all understand that it takes more than charisma to manipulate an AI, you have to appeal to its logic or hack it. Without knowing their belief system or understanding how geth think and function, how was Saren able to convince them he could bring back the Reapers? How did he manage without any proof that he could do so, let alone enter the Perseus Veil without being killed instantly?”

Valern and Tevos looked like they were mulling it over. It was definitely food for thought. Sparatus wasn’t as satisfied, though, “Fine, I’ll entertain the idea that the Reapers might exist in some capacity. However, this fails to explain why Saren would help kill all organic life, it just doesn’t make sense.”

“It doesn’t make sense for Saren to leave such a large wake of destruction, either,” pointed out Shepard. “He could have easily achieved the same goal by covertly compromising the beacon once it reached the Citadel by using his connections. There’s clearly something wrong with his reasoning and we need to act accordingly to prevent any more damage.”

“I’m inclined to agree,” said Tevos, troubled. Tali wiggled her fingers and let her hands move in wide arcs, words finally found.

“He has substantial enough proof to convince the entire geth hive mind that he can bring back the Reapers,” she continued. “If he loses control of the geth by failing to deliver, we’ll have a war between organics and synthetics again. If he does manage to bring back the Reapers, we risk suffering the same fate as the protheans.”

“Reapers or no, you need to prepare Council space for invasion,” concluded Shepard. 

“That’s not good enough,” said Udina. “Saren has an army and he’s not afraid to use it. You know he’s hiding in the Traverse. Send your fleet in!” Shepard reeled. There went their nuanced attempt to convince the Council that they were in danger. He gave Kaiden an apologetic look, who smiled weakly back in understanding. 

“A fleet cannot find one man,” sighed Valern, already tired of the ambassador. 

“The Citadel fleet could secure the entire region, keep the geth from attacking any more of our colonies.”

“Or it could trigger a war with the Terminus systems,” cut in Sparatus. “We won’t be dragged into a galactic confrontation over a few dozen human colonies that you, knowingly, established in a perilous region.” 

Udina balked and repeated, “A few dozen human colonies-” 

But Sparatus talked over him, “Strengthening our borders because ‘maybe the geth found something’ will raise tensions higher than we can diplomatically handle in the first place. You humans ask too much and understand too little!” 

Tevos snapped her head around and hissed, “Letting Saren run loose is not an option, Sparatus. Stripping him of his Specter status is a poor salve for the massacre he’s already committed. He has enough allies to discard our support, taking it away won’t hurt him. He needs to be stopped and brought to justice.”

Sparatus leaned back, startled. He, more quietly this time, said, “I agree, I just... want an alternative to be presented that takes into account all these factors.” 

“Here’s your alternative,” Tevos interacted with her stand. The hologram off to the side lit up, displaying a familiar ship. “No fleets or armies. An agent can discreetly track Saren down using the cloaking abilities of the Normandy.”

Udina pushed past Tali and Shepard, going all the way to the end of the tongue. “Do you mean to commandeer the most advanced human vessel in existence? Right after one of your agents decimated Eden Prime?” he asked. 

“I mean to give you what you want,” said Tevos. “Nihlus Kryik, do you still stand by your choice of Commander Shepard for Specter candidacy?”

Shepard felt his heart beat sickeningly out of sync. This isn’t- this isn’t what’s supposed to happen. Saren had destroyed all of his chances. It didn’t even occur to him that he might still be made a Specter. He looked over his shoulder at Nihlus, head spinning and hands numb with cold. Don’t do this. Nihlus was hard to read with his injury, but he was definitely tense. He had something more to say beyond yes or no. He looked back at Shepard, mouth opening to answer, but his expression was torn. A question? The feeling he got was that Nihlus wanted confirmation for... something. Sparatus wasn’t having any of it.

“No! It’s too soon for humanity to have that kind of responsibility,” he spat. Tevos was ready to rip off his mandibles but settled for yanking his arm instead, shouting, “Sidebar!” Sparatus was just as surprised as everyone else by this and forgot to resist as he was dragged away. Valern, distressed by his colleagues leaving, said to the crowd with a nervous cheer, “The Council is in need of time for a private discussion, enjoy the short break.” Then he skittered after them, pulling up his robes to hurry along. There was a faint echo of bickering voices as they disappeared into their chambers. A moment of shocked silence took over until it was broken by Wrex, who started clapping with a deep guttural cackle.

“Yeah, get him!” he yelled. Ashley batted at his hands, shushing him. Being told off by a creature half his size did not intimate the krogan, but he indulged her and lowered his voice to an amused rumble.

“Is the councilor going to kill him?” asked Tali, clasping her hands together in delight. “I thought that only happened in the dramas!” Shepard was too stunned to answer as his mind was racing. Him? A Specter? After Saren tore him down piece by piece in front of the Council, giving them a million reasons not to pick him? He heard Saren’s voice again; you are, after all, only human. 

I am only human, he thought. He’d just gotten used to being a commander. But this? This was beyond what he was capable of! The cold snaked up his hands and froze his arms rigid. Being the first human Specter was more than just being an agent. The amount of constant scrutiny he would be under from all sides; every step a step for mankind. Failure would turn his entire species against him. Mediocrity would make him an embarrassment. Success would put a target on his back for the rest of his life. 

He wasn’t like his brother. He didn’t want to be in the public eye, not like this. His brother’s lectures started playing in his head; lazy, stagnant, childish, useless, irresponsible, and, worst of all- worst of all- he didn’t want to remember his father in the hospital room, the moment where he ran away, the moment he realized his brother had been right about him all along. There had to be someone better, a real N7 who wanted this, a soldier who was brave enough.

-The reflection of light at the bottom of the cup. Chellik’s back as he led the way to his office. You’re brave for a coward-

But still a coward. The cold kept expanding. He was almost shivering, his joints stiff and creaking. Soon his chest would freeze over and he wouldn’t be able to breathe. How much time had passed? Everything was too slow and too fast and too much to tell. He felt someone staring at him. It was Udina, creeping in from his spot on the tongue, trying to avoid scaring his prey.

“Commander,” he said in a sweet tone. Shepard backed up, shaking his head. He did what he was supposed to do. Nihlus isn’t dead, Saren would be caught, he warned the Council about the Reapers, and he was done. Except Ashely and Kaiden were still assigned to the Normandy. They were his team. Did he trust anyone else with them? Ashley, who was a loose cannon in the wrong hands? Kaiden, who was carrying the burden of a civilization’s last cry for help? The thought of leaving made him sick. It felt too similar to when he ran away from his family and his part in the attack. The attack. If he stayed- if he stayed and became a Specter- how long would it take before someone found out? His brother said he’d taken care of it, covered up his involvement, he hadn’t thought about it in years, but what if-  
Too much!  
Too much!  
Too much!  
He retreated backwards until he hit something. Pallin was right behind him, so he awkwardly bumped into his round chest with an ‘oof’. He steadied Shepard by catching his shoulders and cast a stern glance towards Udina. Then he jumped and turned his head. Anderson was rounding up behind them, too. Pallin pulled Shepard an inch closer, alarmed and confused by the human hostility. They were literally   
surrounded  
surrounded   
surrounded  
surrounded   
surrounded  
surroun-  
“I need to speak with Shepard,” said Nihlus, silencing the panic mantra. Udina and Anderson stopped circling, frowning at him. “In private,” he added. The two C-Sec officers behind him frowned back at the humans. They all knew who ranked above who on the Citadel. Shepard almost melted on the spot, warmth coming back to him in a thick wave. He made his face blank and his voice flat.

“Of course, Specter.”

_____________________________

The C-Sec officers kept a watchful eye on the crowd as Shepard, Nihlus, and Kaiden retreated to a secluded tree grove down the steps. Kaiden helped mask Nihlus’s injury as they both eased him down the stairs. Once no longer needed, he kept a respectful distance on the front side of the planter, inspecting the low hanging branches’ curious leaves. 

Shepard guided Nihlus to sit on the edge of the back of the planter, giving him a proper spot to rest. When Shepard pulled away, his hands were jittering. Left over adrenaline. He put a pin in worrying about his past, his team, his status, his everything. It produced a low whining sound as he pushed it into the back of his mind. The effort from ignoring it gave him a headache, but he clasped his hands behind his back and bore it.

“Take your time,” said Nihlus. Shepard found himself shying away, hands escaping to jitter in front of him. Damn it, obey!

“But what if the Council,” he muttered, too many thoughts to put into a coherent sentence. Nihlus went through the trouble of smiling, confidant as he said, “The Council can wait.” He leaned forward and cocked his head to the side. “Is there something I can do to help calm you down?”

“Mrm,” Shepard thought about it. Whenever Skylar got antsy she would drop down and start doing warm ups and stretches no matter where she was or who was there. Mess hall, lavatory, nightclub, sand dune, zero gravity; didn’t matter. She would talk your ear off while doing it, too. Said the whole process cleared the body of negative emotional energy. Maybe she was onto something. It was just the two (technically three, five if you counted the C-Sec officers) of them there. 

As he got down on the floor, he asked, “Have you eaten anything since you woke up?” Nihlus watched, intrigued, as he started doing leg stretches. One leg folded in as the other one was stretched out, then reach forward to the toes. Nihlus didn’t seem to mind at least.

“Besides water? Nothing,” he replied. “The opposite, actually. I got disoriented when I tried to get out of bed and I uh... unwillingly deposited my stomach contents on Habril’s feet.”

Shepard switched legs with a sympathetic ‘aww’ and said, “I’m sure she won’t hold it against you. I also unwillingly deposited my stomach contents today.”

“Was that before, during, or after the hearing?”

“After, ugh, can you imagine if it was earlier?” Shepard brought both his legs together and stretched all the way forward to touch his toes. He actually managed to grab the soles of his boots. “When did you wake up?”

“Right after your lieutenant blew up a clinic,” said Nihlus lightly. A twig snapped from the other side. Shepard slingshotted back into a sitting position, “I heard it was just a gas canister.”

“Really? I heard it was proximity mines.” Nihlus looked over at Kaiden as Shepard stood up, “Which one of us is right, Alenko?” 

Kaiden flinched at being called. He sighed, turned around, and said, “Proximity mines were on William’s end. I had the gas canister.”

“Really? She’s unscathed, how did you get the bruise?” asked Shepard while stretching his arms upwards. Kaiden made a face, but answered, “I was behind cover, the shooter was on the other side. Just when he decided to throw the canister over, I popped up and- voila!” He gestured to his forehead with a flourish.

Nihlus chuckled at his expense, “Ah, I see.” He looked back at Shepard, who was stretching his shoulders, and added, “You know, I just can’t recommend helmets enough lately.”

Shepard snorted then slapped a hand over his mouth. Nihlus waved his hand like a cat, good natured, “It’s okay to laugh. Seeing the comedy in things makes it easier.”

That made him think of when he talked to Kaiden about Akuze, telling the story like Skylar would. He eased up and let himself fiddle with his hands. He caught Kaiden’s curious stare and said, “Thank you, Lieutenant.” Kaiden nodded and turned back around, dismissed. 

Shepard was just going to stay standing or go lean against the railing on the other side, but Nihlus copied his gesture from earlier of tapping the spot beside him. He relented, being closer meant they could speak at a lower volume, no matter how weird it felt to cross that personal boundary. The tension wasn’t as bad as before, but it still lingered. When he sat down, Nihlus didn’t turn his head to make eye contact. He instead focused on his hands in lap, his left cradling his right. He squeezed tight, causing his right talons to twitch. 

“I want the mission,” he said.

Sparatus would probably prefer that, Shepard would definitely prefer that, but he knew there was a big difference between wanting to and being able to.

“How bad is it?” he asked. Nihlus leaned away ever so slightly as he cleared his throat.

“Everything on the right side. My arm is the weakest.”

“Is it permanent?”

“Most of the brain damage will heal.”

Most? What could Shepard say to that? He didn’t have any advice, no words of wisdom beyond a firm ‘don’t’. He absently pushed his fist into his other hand, popping the lower joints of his fingers. At the hearing, Saren said they were close. He wondered if that was just more of his manipulation of the narrative or a grain of truth.

“Why do you want to go after him?” he asked.

“He shot me,” Nihlus said with a cough of a laugh. He tried to give him a wry broken smile, an attempt to resurrect the earlier mood, but Shepard was as sullen as the grave. 

“Why do you really want to go after him?” 

Nihlus let his left hand relax. This time he tried to move his right fingers on his own. It wasn’t elegant, but they moved.

“He’s the one that scouted me, trained me,” he said, then added “Made me who I am today,” with an air of sarcasm, but as soon as he said it he was visibly put off by his own tone. Shepard used to have a similar habit when he was younger. It’s easier to make fun of yourself than be vulnerable. Laugh first before someone else can. See the comedy in it before the grief takes over. 

Nihlus continued, “If someone else goes after him,” again, here came the sarcasm. “Well, I can’t ask him anything if he’s dead, now can I?”

“You want to ask him why he shot you?”

His left shoulder inched up and he turned his face away, “I want to ask him why he didn’t trust me.” 

Shepard hadn’t thought of it that way. Just like seeing Tevos upset; it was weird to hear Nihlus doubt himself rather than Saren. Which made sense; the master is the one that’s right, it’s the pupil that errs. A few too many seconds passed before Nihlus turned back with a dry laugh, asking, “That sounds bad, doesn’t it? I don’t condone what he’s done at all, I swear-”

“It sounds honest,” interrupted Shepard mercifully. “And I’d rather you be honest with me than say what you think I want to hear.” Nihlus paused, suspended between words, calculating the right response. But he didn’t need to do that. He gave in and finally slumped, relieved. But there was a heaviness there. Perhaps it was guilt, maybe even shame.

“Habril doesn’t know how severe it is, I had more stamina when I woke up. If I can get the mission before she reassess me,” he winced as both mandibles wavered. He recovered and said with a strained voice, “I’ve been injured before, I know I can get better, I just need a little more time, and...” He made eye contact, showing his right side with blue scars. “And a lot of help.”

Shepard knew where this was going. He put his face in his hands, smothering a nervous groan. 

“I know I’m asking too much,” said Nihlus.

Too much! He felt a tizzy of the earlier hysteria creep in. He dragged his hands down his face, then lightly slapped his cheeks with the tips of his fingers. Letting his hands fall into his lap with a tired sigh, he said, “You want me to go with you.”

“Yes.”

He let his head roll to the side with an exasperated, and somewhat petulant, “Why?”

Which Nihlus was ready for, “Most of my contacts I know through Saren. They’re either helping him or too afraid to turn on him. I don’t know who I can trust anymore.”

Shepard pointed at himself, “And you trust me?”

“The person who saved my life? Yes, I do.”

His headache started to come back again. He pinched the bridge of his nose. Deep breaths. Be honest. “I don’t have what it takes to be the first human Specter.”

“I agree.”

Now that caught Shepard off guard. He squinted, ready for the carpet to be pulled out from underneath him again. Nihlus continued, “Being the first anything is a nightmare. I picked you because you’d make a great Specter if you got the chance to apply yourself. That’s why I wanted to mentor you over several missions, so you could make mistakes and grow before facing galactic scrutiny.”

“I’d rather be no one,” said Shepard, weakly this time.

“I know,” Nihlus leaned closer, scheming. “I can make a deal with the Council; a temporary partnership. You act on my behalf with the benefits of being a Specter, but if I cry foul it’s revoked. Once we bring in Saren, you can be made a full Specter, or at least that’s what we’ll tell them. It’ll smooth things over between Tevos and Sparatus, but the Alliance will hate it. The chain of command will be wonky, but it’s the best I can do for you.” He nudged Shepard’s shoulder. “If you want. The choice is yours.”

“What happens if I don’t?” asked Shepard. 

“Another Specter gets assigned, they’ll report my condition if I try to get involved. But!” Nihlus perked up. “There’s a mob of oddly talented people just around the corner. I think I can throw something together.”

“And the Reapers?”

Nihlus clicked his tongue and tried to put it nicely, “I don’t doubt what you saw, and I trust your instincts on the geth, but the Reapers aren’t something I, personally, can do anything about. I’d rather focus on tracking down Saren and let the Council handle the scary death robots.”

“You think they’re scary?” 

Nihlus scoffed, “Of course, I’m only turian.”

Shepard made a snirk sound, then thought about it. “It really is a self deprecating thing to say. To be only what your body is. It’s so limiting,” Shepard rolled his head back, looking at the leaves. It was too quiet, they should be rustling with a breeze. Trees aren’t meant to be inside. 

“Everything you know about me is from my record with the Alliance, right?” he asked.

“Mostly,” said Nihlus. “I did try looking further back, but there wasn’t much I could find before your transfer to Arcturus for N2 training.” He shouldn’t say anything then, especially with Kaiden just a few steps away. Keep your mouth shut. But it all felt too familiar to his younger self. Should he really help Nihlus do this? Lying about his injury so he can talk to Saren? If they only had one chance at getting him, would Nihlus pull the trigger? With how much there was at stake... 

“Do you want to partner with me because we stand the best chance of stopping Saren, or because it best suits your needs?” he asked. He watched as a small leaf fluttered down. He blew out a little air, lifting the leaf and changing its course.

“Can’t it be both?”

That was not the answer he wanted. “No, not in my experience.” He straightened up and tracked the leaf as it drifted down into the soil behind him. He didn’t mean to lecture Nihlus, he was a Specter with five trillion more experience than him. But...

He still hadn’t said anything, so Nihlus prompted, “I don’t think Tevos and Sparatus will be done fighting anytime soon, go ahead.” 

Shepard looked down in the planter and picked up the leaf. Making eye contact through this tale wasn’t gonna happen, no Skylar theatrics either this time. “I haven’t been back on Earth for about six years. Before, I’d never even seen a tree until I went to N-school in Rio de Janeiro.”

He rolled the stem of the leaf between his fingers, spinning it. “When I was younger, I wanted to make the factory section I grew up in a better place: for me, my family, everyone I knew. I joined up with a group that promised I could change the world. The longer I worked for them, the more I realized we had two different definitions of change and we started to clash. I got so frustrated that I left. 

“A few months later,” He stopped the leaf. “They staged an attack. Everyone one I knew got sick. Most got severe pneumonia, others got lung and brain damage, and a few almost suffocated to death.”

His thumb bit into the stem, folding it in half. “I figured out what they did, fixed it before they did any more damage, ratted out the group, and ran away from home.” 

He crumpled the leaf and dropped it to the ground. “I was desperate to get away from what I helped create. But I never finished high school and I’m no tech savant, so if I couldn’t get out through university...”

“That’s why you enlisted,” said Nihlus.

Shepard was startled. He’d forgotten he was Shepard, where he was, who he’d been talking to. Nihlus suddenly looked so much smaller than he did earlier. His perception of Shepard did just get recontextualized. Maybe his enthusiasm for him had deflated. Or maybe Shepard had calmed down enough to see that he really was only a turian.

He shrugged with a half hearted smile and went on, “I signed up with the wrong name. Recruiters didn’t think twice to check my info, a lot of people enlist without records, that’s just the kind of place I came from. I did well enough to make it to Rio, stayed at N-school for as long as I could, went into recovering alien space trash, and hoped I was doing something good by working for the Alliance.”

He went back to fiddling with his hands. He flexed and twisted them, popping the wrists as a sourness gripped him. “And now I’m sitting under a tree on an ancient space station, light years away, because a Thresher Maw couldn’t figure out how to kill me and that impressed you.” He saw Nihlus flinch and lean away. When Shepard glanced at him, Nihlus turned his head to the right, hiding his face. 

Shepard went back to staring at his hands, leaving the worm behind, “It’s the same offer as before. I can change the world. Except this time I don’t want to. I’d rather quit and change my name again than become the first human Specter- in any capacity.” 

He hung his head, already regretting what he was about to say, “I don’t want the galaxy to know who I am, not after the turbines and Akuze and Eden Prime. But that would be me acting selfish all over again.”

He craned his neck to see if that brought Nihlus back. He had turned around, his left mandible drifting open in surprise. He leaned in closer, like he wanted to make sure he was hearing right. Or maybe he was coming in to bite his nose, Shepard didn’t know, he wasn’t a turian expert.

“If you think we’re the best shot at saving trillions of lives, then I’ll do it,” said Shepard, resisting the urge to lean back. “If you think someone else can handle this better and you can put aside your need to talk to Saren, then I won’t.”

Nihlus really looked at him this time, studying his face. Eventually he looked down and coughed an empty laugh, “I’ve been very foolish.” He eased back into his regular posture, allowing the space between them to breathe again. “I can’t go, can I? No matter how much I want to.” He shrugged, “Still, I’d like for you to be on the mission.”

Shepard frowned, “Really? Why.”

“I don’t know how to communicate it exactly,” began Nihlus. “You have a much greater capacity for trust in others than I do.”

What? Shepard wasn’t so sure about that. He was very firmly in the paranoid category, as well as vaguely insulted. His face must’ve given him away because Nihlus laughed. It was a genuine sound, so different from the way he would chuckle to try and undo the tension. Embarrassed, he used his talons to obscure his mouth.

“I’ve confused you, I’m sorry,” said Nihlus, lowering his volume. “What I mean is; Saren taught me that the shortest path to victory is to create chaos for the enemy. He likes to work alone because he hates trusting anyone else to get the mission done. He would rather destroy whatever is in his path than rely on someone else to deliver on their end.”

“Sounds like the Big Three,” muttered Shepard. He blanched at his interruption. He was about to apologize when he saw Nihlus recalculate his train of thought, his interest piqued.

“Who are the Big Three?” he asked.

Shit. Shepard fumbled, he hadn’t meant to give that away, “Uh, well, um, the Big Three were the leaders of the group I left. They preferred to take matters into their own hands, they didn’t trust anyone to create change legally from within the system. To make radical change, you had to take radical measures, as they put it. That’s why they attacked, to incite people to revolt. Anyone who died was a martyr for the cause and so on.”

“Sounds like a nice way of avoiding responsibility for the damage they caused,” said Nihlus, but Shepard shook his head, haunted. 

“No, they were proud of it.”

Nihlus paused. He seemed far away, like he was remembering something. Something bad. When he spoke, he glanced to the side, “I must admit... Saren does... have... a similar inclination.” He looked Shepard in the eye. “I used to follow his example, but I found it too divisive. I like to think I’m more cooperative than he is, however-” He paused again, rethinking. “I haven’t trusted anyone, either, have I? Even on Eden Prime I went ahead of you, thinking I could do things faster on my own.” He shook his head at himself. “You had to run through direct fire run to save me, which you only could have done by trusting your team to cover you.” He tilted his head to the side. “That is what I meant by your capacity to trust. It gives you an advantage against Saren. I hope that translated?”

“Oh,” Shepard didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t sure if it was trust that he had for his team, but he didn’t know what else to call putting his life in Ashley and Kaiden’s hands. It wasn’t a grand gesture, it was just him being practical. Then again, that was back when he barely even knew their names, let alone what they were capable of. That sounded reckless, but reckless wasn’t the right word either. Huh. That one- that one he would have to think about some more. Later, not now. “I think I get what you mean, but it sounds more like a flaw.”

Nihlus hummed and said, “I suspect you’re a better judge of character these days. Correct?” 

Shepard gagged, “I sure hope so.”

“You’ll do well on your mission,” Nihlus assured. Then he smiled at him through the pain, adding softly, “I’ll be rooting for you.”

Shepard was oddly touched. To give up control like that and let a stranger take over? For someone like Nihlus to rely on him, to trust him in such a short amount of time, felt like a greater honor than being the first human anything. He also had no idea how he did it.

When Shepard completed his N6 training, he’d felt bad as the instructors congratulated him, because he’d planned to do absolutely nothing with everything he had learned. Wasted potential, he heard in his brother’s voice. Shepard didn’t think he was the best person for the job, but maybe this wasn’t a job for just one person. Just like Nihlus said, his capacity to trust in his team gave him the edge on Saren. Be more than only human. Be apart of something more. He was going to need a bigger team, then.

“Can you do me a favor?” asked Shepard.

“Of course.”

“Tell me about the oddly talented people around the corner.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter required So much re-writing. I think I’m happy with where it is at the moment. Sorry for the long wait.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! :D


	21. Red Tape and Requests

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashley thinks about her mistakes and chills out with the oddly talented people. Meanwhile, the Council bickers amongst themselves until they get an unusual request.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to 21st chapter of me spelling Spectre as Specter. It’s how you know it’s an alternate universe ;)

Ashley hung out by the railing which everyone else abandoned. Anderson was trying to calm down Udina who kept raising his voice, talking shit about the Council or Saren and sometimes Shepard. She winced at that last one especially. She had to admit, Shepard was doing pretty good for such an anxious guy. He even went out on a limb for Alenko; listening to him talk about the Reapers to the Council, you wouldn’t think he had trouble making eye contact with his subordinates. 

She scuffed her feet against the floor, twiddling her thumbs. If he did become a Specter, would he kick her off the team? Sure Alenko calmed him down about the deal with the broker, but the more she thought about what Shepard said, the more she realized just how badly things could’ve gone if the lead hadn’t pan out. She got a sinking feeling when he left with Nihlus and Alenko, leaving her behind. She tried not to take it personally, but... God, if only she could travel back in time and kick her own ass. One disobeyed order and she was going to lose her chance to get revenge for her platoon.

Their faces popped up and she felt sick. She pushed away the guilt. They’re dead because of Saren, not her. She still felt off, though.

Ashley leaned over the railing and looked down through the glass, noticing the atrium below. What purpose did the mossy rocks serve? What were they for? How did you get inside? All her wondering couldn’t keep the hate away. She wanted to go after Saren so badly it twisted her insides. She wanted to rip off his face plates and gouge out his flashlight eyes and shove a knife down his throat and- And a whole lot more, but that wasn’t going to happen unless she got back on Shepard’s good side. She sighed, frustrated, and looked over at what the aliens were doing.

Tali was pestering Wrex. She was asking about how Tuchanka got its resources. Ashley picked up her last question, “I’ve never heard of a krogan merchant, do the mercenaries bring back spoils from raiding mining operations?” 

Ashley smirked. Would a krogan really pick up a pile of iridium over more guns? She doubted that was something that Wrex kept track of, either. She expected him to laugh, but he just shook his head. She was surprised by the element of disappointment in his low grumble of, “None of them care enough about krogans to do that.” He turned away, blocking Tali from view and she could only make out the tone of their accents. 

Ashley looked around more and spotted Garrus talking to Pallin and another turian from C-Sec. They kept their voices low, but even she could tell from their body language that no one was happy. She thought it was strange until she remembered how much trouble Garrus was about to be in before the audio file was brought up. He kept trying to speak up with a disarming smile, but he would be cut off by Pallin and go silent. His smile got weaker and weaker with each attempt as the lecturing continued. The other turian occasionally tried to offer something, but he also got rebuffed. Seeing Garrus, an infuriatingly confident smart ass, look so defeated didn’t feel cathartic. She was all too familiar with being talked down and blocked by higher ups. 

She caught a glare from Pallin and felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up. He said one last dig and left Garrus behind. He went to go deal with Udina and she averted her gaze. The other turian gave him a pat on the shoulder and they drifted towards the railing. 

“Keep pissing him off and you’ll get put on leave again. Permanently this time,” muttered the other turian. Garrus laughed, “Are you sure, Chellick? I think he likes yanking my fringe constantly.” 

Chellick sighed but added lightly, “Gotta admit, it’s nice to not be on his radar. Keep up the good work I guess.”

“A sacrifice for my fellow detectives,” said Garrus with a mock salute and Chellik snorted. He gave him one last pat on the arm and walked off towards the stairs and down. As soon as Chellick’s back was turned to him, she saw that flare of flippancy die out instantly in Garrus. He looked as tired as Shepard did after his debriefing with Udina. He leaned against the railing, it was his turn to stare at the atrium. 

She inched past him and the stairs. She stood on her tippy toes to see if she could spot Shepard, but all she saw was Chellick and more C-Sec close to a shadowy section that had a tree. Was that Alenko? He retreated further into the shade. She gave up and turned away from the stairs.

She sat down by the half wall next to the staircase and criss-crossed her legs. She’d surrendered her guns just like everyone else and had nothing to tinker with, so she tried to assess her omni tool. She kind of knew what she was looking at; the commander said he’d over clocked it. But... how was she supposed to undo it? Should she undo it? Probably, she vaguely recalled over clocking being bad. After about five minutes, her frustration must have shown because Tali leaned over and asked, “Tech trouble?”

Ashley jumped. Tali’s voice was ever so slightly too loud and cheerful for the quiet jaded atmosphere that hung over them. Her bright eyes blinked from inside her cloudy helmet, blissfully unaware. Or maybe she just didn’t care.

“Something like that,” said Ashley. “It might glitch out soon.”

“Oh?” Tali squatted down and hugged her knees. “Do you know why?”

“Shepard messed with it to buff my kinetic shields, but it makes it break faster I think?” she pulled up another menu and it also didn’t have what she wanted. She sighed and skimmed through a list of functions. “I just wanna see how to change it back.” 

Tali scooched over, letting her knees touch the floor. She held out a hand, “May I?” Ashley thought about it. Then thought about it some more. Did she want to hand over her military standard issue omni tool to an alien civilian? That sounded illegal. Garrus chuckled from over by the railing, his interest piqued.

“That’s the best IT help you’re gonna get on this side of the galaxy. Let her at it,” he said. Ashley frowned but relented. Tali planted her butt next to her, flipping through menus and opening screens Ashley didn’t know where apart of her omni tool. 

“Ah, did he do this during an emergency?” asked Tali. It was done more so as an apology, but the situation was still dicey at the the time. It was good timing, too, since Shepard left her and Alenko alone to deal with the geth as he defused the bombs.

“Yeah, I guess you could call it that.”

“It’s not ideal as a long term solution,” she brought up a window of numbers that probably meant important things. “He should have reset it for you. Otherwise you’ll eat through omni tools like they’re cake snacks.” She tapped a button and a line of green text popped up. “There, it’s not over clocked anymore.” She clasped her hands together. “On the flotilla we try to make things last as long as possible. If you want, I can streamline the operating system so you get stronger shields without burning your omni tool?”

“I don’t want to mess with it too much in case the Council comes back,” said Ashley. Like a gunfight would automatically start once they walked in. Gotta be ready for anything? That was a lame excuse, she was glad she didn’t say it. 

“It won’t take long,” said Tali, putting her hands up. “It’s not a big overhaul.” She placed her hands on her knees and tilted her head to the side. “Unless you’d let me go haywire. I could spend a couple of day cycles on it.”

“That’s very charitable of you,” mumbled Ashley. Tali giggled so girlishly it made Ashley miss her sisters. 

“I can’t help it. I want to play what little part I can in this grand story that’s unfolding,” said Tali, then sighed. “Saving the galaxy~ Isn’t that every kid’s dream?” It was hard not to be pulled into her excitement, what a sweetheart.

“I don’t know if that’s ‘every’ kid’s dream,” said Garrus. He came over and crouched down, resting on his haunches. “But I can see the appeal of going on a galactic chase. As soon as the Council makes up their mind, Pallin’s going to hit me with more penalties than there are stars in the sky.”

“All because of Fist?” asked Ashley. 

“Among other things,” said Garrus coyly. “I’m not a fan of all the red tape that comes with C-Sec.”

“So you’re a serial offender, huh.”

Garrus gave a wry smile and put a hand over his chest, “Guilty as charged.”

“Bureaucratic bullshit isn’t my thing either,” Ashley held out a hand. “Welcome to the club.”

He stretched out his arm and accepted the handshake, “Does it come with any benefits?”

“Besides solidarity? No.”

“I’ll take comfort in solidarity, then,” sighed Garrus, letting go. Tali gave him a little pat on the shoulder which pulled a chuckle from him. A shadow fell over them; Wrex stood over them, arms crossed. 

“Your commander any good?” he asked. 

“Uh,” Ashley squinted up at the krogan. She didn’t like how her words earlier got misconstrued, so she, very carefully, said, “He’s unconventional.”

Wrex shifted his weight, swinging the shadow over all of them. He looked dissatisfied and asked, “Can he get the job done?” If Shepard felt he needed to get it done, nothing could stop him... except for his lack of self preservation. But she couldn’t say that. 

“He can,” she said. “So long as he has the right people with him.”

“Could one of those right people be a geth expert?” asked Garrus, framing his face with his hands as he looked at Tali. She copied the gesture with a delighted gasp, then clasped her hands together and turned to Ashley.

“You’ll put in a good word for me, won’t you?”

Ashley winced, “I’m on the commander’s bad side, sorry. You can try talking to Lieutenant Alenko, though, Shepard listens to him.” 

The three aliens received a chorus of pings. With shared looks of confusion, Garrus, Tali, and Wrex pulled up their omni tools. Tali was the fastest reader and quickly muffled the speaker in her helmet, but her eyes squinted from smiling. Garrus seemed dubious as he tried to figure out if he got spam or not, then his eyes widened and he read more closely. Wrex grunted contently, “Your commander is not a fool after all.”

________________________________________________

Tevos slid down in her chair, feet resting against the center leg under the table. The table top was round with a hole in the center for the projector to display holograms. She waved her arm and brought back Eden Prime, then pushed it away in favor of showing the Citadel. The chairs on her left and right were empty. Across the chamber were two opposing couches on either side of a low stone table. Valern was stretched out on one couch, hand resting against his forehead. Sparatus was still pacing up and down the stretch from round table to chamber door, rambling on and on and on. Tevos had stopped yelling at him a while ago, opting to mentally tap out as she cooled off. Not that he noticed, he was too caught up in preaching about ‘the order of things’ and how ‘humans were disrupting the established hierarchy’.

“It’s just one Specter,” moaned Valern. “Does it really matter?” 

“It sets a dangerous precedent!” Sparatus snapped back, finally pausing his walk cycle. “If we give in now, the humans will only demand more.” Tevos rolled her eyes with a sigh and sat up straight in her seat again.

“As do the volus and the elcor and so on,” she said as she leaned her elbows on the table. Sparatus bared his teeth for the umpteenth time.

“They complain but know their place. Humans believe they are entitled to power no matter the cost. To let them into the Specters as they are now will only encourage their hostile behavior.”

Tevos tilted her head to the side and asked, “Their hostile behavior? If we keep rejecting them the humans will turn elsewhere. With their ambition and lack of patience, we risk creating an even greater adversary.” 

Sparatus snorted and returned to pacing, “Admitting your fear of them only weakens your case. They need more restrictions, not less.” 

Tevos heaved a sigh as she slumped down again, resting her neck on the back of her chair. “That’ll just make them more aggressive, Sparatus. We must compromise with them to restore the trust we’ve lost.” She raised her arms up towards the ceiling and bitterly laughed, “Just give me something- anything to work with!” 

“They deserve nothing,” said Sparatus and Tevos let her hands fall onto her face with a slap. He did always have more stamina to argue than her. She groaned, dropped her hands into her lap, and turned to the couch. “Valern?”

“Tevos is right,” he shifted to lounge, resting his head on his hand. Sparatus barked a laugh but let him continue. “Humans are aggressive in more ways than one, that includes socially. If they find the benefits of submitting to the Council lacking, they may look elsewhere for allies. They might even endeavor to start their own Council and turn the species we house against us.” 

Sparatus scoffed, “Like the hanar stand a chance against the fleet.”

Valern wagged a finger at him and smiled, “You shouldn’t underestimate them either, but I was thinking of the volus, actually.” 

Sparatus’s mandibles shot wide open with a hiss. “The volus? Ridiculous! They’re our client, they rely on the turian military to protect them. Are you daft, or do you forget as rapidly as your species expires?”

Valern chuckled, unbothered, and sat up. He rearranged the layers of his robes as he spoke, “The Alliance is growing at a rate that has exceeded all our expectations. If they can protect the volus and promise power to the house races, they could start a war if they wanted to.” He adjusted something around his waist. “If they manage to befriend those we’ve jaded, such as the krogan and the quarians, maybe even those still bitter from your civil war, they might even win.”

“You give the humans too much credit. No species is fond enough of them to trade sides,” said Sparatus, but he seemed disturbed. Valern shrugged, “That does not make the promise of power any less seductive. It’s something to ponder, at least.”

“You’re too prone to wake dreaming for my liking,” said Sparatus and walked over to the Council table. “Tevos, you must able to see reason.”

Valern collapsed back onto the couch with a ‘I tried’ and settled in for this to be dragged out even longer. Tevos huffed and looked up at Sparatus, he had his hands planted on the table opposite of her. She reached behind her neck and rubbed the knot between the lower tentacles, easing the strain of the headache. Her exhaustion was rapidly slipping into crankiness.

“Someone has to go after Saren,” she said, circling back to their original topic. Sparatus opened his mandibles to speak and she snapped her fingers at him. “Enough! Swallow your tongue. Your suggestions are empty and useless when we need action. You’ve stalled for long enough, let us create a solution.” He recoiled like the table burned him. Ego bruised, he looked away from her as he drifted towards his chair and slowly took a seat. She expected a biting retort, but perhaps she hit an invisible mark. Any well trained turian had to obey efficiency. So that was the route she took. 

“Meeting directive is presented as thus; how to capture Saren and address the damage he has caused to a house species. Agree or disagree,” stated Tevos. Valern peered over the arm of his couch and said, “Agree.” She looked over at Sparatus and he grumbled in agreement.

“Solution presented as thus; a partial human crew will accompany on the mission to catch Saren to appease the offended house species. Agree or disagree,” stated Tevos, lacing her fingers together on the table. They both agreed, Sparatus a little delayed. Finally, they were getting somewhere.

“Suggestion presented as thus; the Normandy is the best equipped ship in the fleet to catch Saren. Agree or disagree.”

“Agree,” said Valern and Sparatus at the same time. Oh? A positive reaction for once. He did oversee the ship’s construction, he knows best out of the three of them how well it worked. 

“Query presented as thus; how do we acquire the Normandy for the mission from the offended house species without straining the relationship further?”

“That’s a loaded question,” said Sparatus. Tevos rolled her neck to glare at him and asked, “In what way?” Sparatus fumbled for an answer and sighed, giving up. That’s what she thought. “Valern?”

He had gotten up and also drifted towards his chair, “I look to the original crew of the Normandy for the Eden Prime mission; Captain Anderson is one of the few people familiar with Saren’s tactics. He’s also highly decorated by his species and was previously considered for candidacy.”

“His involvement in missions with and against Saren also went horribly wrong,” added Sparatus. Tevos pushed her pinky to middle fingers against her thumb, creating three fast snaps at once. “That’s not a solution,” she warned. “Considering Saren’s attempt to flip the narrative during the hearing, and his openly anti-human rhetoric over the years, perhaps he really did frame Anderson. To use the refinery explosion as an argument against the captain’s candidacy, when it was the Council who dismissed his claim that Saren sabotaged the mission, hardly sounds fair.”

Sparatus adjusted himself in his seat, covering a wince, “Of course, of course. With Saren’s status, it was next to impossible for Anderson to touch him, except... on Eden Prime...” He struggled to find the words. “Commander Shepard,” he started. “It was his quick thinking in the field that saved the colony and one of our Specters, not Anderson. That’s what I meant to say.”

“Interesting,” said Valern.

Sparatus scowled and crossed his arms, “It’s not that strange to take note of him. Not just any human can complete the N7 training program, there’s clearly more to him than what meets the eye.”

Valern leaned in closer, whispering, “Very interesting, indeed.” 

Sparatus looked unbearably uncomfortable and turned to Tevos, “I’m not opposed to Shepard being on the mission, but I do object to him leading it. He just doesn’t have the experience, as well trained as he is.”

“Are you complimenting him?” asked Valern, delighted. “Such a turn of events; you were ready to accuse him of murder.”

“Yes, because his defense was flimsy, but I see that was to protect Kryik,” said Sparatus. “We’re getting off topic. Tevos?”

She put her chin on her fist and mulled it over. She sighed and said, “If we send him with a nonhuman Specter as mission leader and ignore his candidacy, the humans will take it as an insult. Making Captain Anderson a Specter and keeping Shepard as second in command seems like the best solution.”

Sparatus shook his head, “I’m sorry, I can’t condone making Anderson a Specter.” He looked over at Tevos warily. Her fingers tickled the air, ready to snap again. “Is that because you don’t like Anderson or because you don’t want a human Specter?” she asked.

“More the first than the latter, actually,” said Sparatus, surprising his colleagues. “Anderson is loyal to the Alliance first and last, I doubt he can put that aside for the greater good of Council space. Shepard seems more... malleable, in comparison.”

“Does he?” prompted Valern. “Or is that an illusion granted by his voidness of opinion?” 

“Perhaps? I don’t know,” returned Sparatus. “We haven’t seen enough from Shepard to know for certain. His relationship with his superiors appears... complicated. I’m not sure that’s a rachni nest I want to step in.” Tevos was intrigued by his rare display of uncertainty. As an act of mercy, she asked, “If we could disregard our relationship with humanity, who would you send?”

“STG,” said Sparatus easily. “I would defer to Valern on specifics, of course.”

Tevos smiled, “Then we’ll send in STG. Discreetly, that is. As for what we do in the public eye?” She held out her hands, palms up, looking between either Councilor. 

“A figurehead?” asked Sparatus. “The humans are smarter than that.”

“I have to agree,” said Valern and Tevos wanted to smash her head into the table. 

“Fine, fine,” she said. “Give me a safer planet for humans to colonize, then.”

“A singular planet?” asked Valern. “They need to transplant their entire colony strategy.”

“You can’t shit in my hands and not give me soap,” she retorted. 

Valern shrugged, chuckling, “Oh, please, Tevos. Who would we take this planet from, hm? Our governments won’t agree to it. The other species definitely won’t. The colony would feel singled out so far away from human territory. Making a human Specter requires the least amount of effort. It’s simply the best solution.”

“Really,” droned Tevos as she swiveled her head to glare at her turian counterpart. “Only an Oracle could have predicted that. You’re so perceptive, Valern.”

“Shepard can’t be the only candidate. Surely there’s someone else,” said Sparatus. 

“You shot down all the others,” reminded Valern. 

“All of them?”

“You claimed they were too biased, that you feared they’d abuse their authority in favor of furthering humanity’s agenda, and so on,” said Valern. “All of them. Except Shepard. He was the only one you and the Alliance could agree on.” He tapped his cheeks, wondering, and asked, “Mentioning abuse; didn’t he threaten to shoot one of his subordinates?”

“To stop them from touching the beacon which was extremely fragile,” corrected Sparatus. 

“Are you sure you don’t want him to be a Specter?” asked Valern. “You’re awfully keen to defend him- especially after he saved a turian.”

Sparatus scoffed in annoyance, “I’m not that easily swayed. My earlier points about him still stand. I was just intrigued by him.”

The table rung with an alert. Tevos pulled it up; Kryik was hailing them. She accepted and a wave form popped up, representing his voice.

“Specter,” she greeted, confused.

“Ah, Councilor Tevos. I have a request on behalf of Commander Shepard and myself,” said Kryik. Tevos raised her brows at Sparatus, who was just as surprised. Valern whispered ‘interesting’ again. She ignored him and asked, “What is this request?”

“For a private audience to present a solution regarding the commander’s candidacy,” he clarified. 

“Without Ambassador Udina or Captain Anderson present?” 

“Correct.”

“Hold for a moment, Specter,” said Tevos and muted their end of the call. Valern tapped the tips of his fingers together in a tiny clap of amusement. He smiled wickedly at Sparatus and said, “About that rachni nest you mentioned...”

“It will swallow us whole, apparently,” sighed Sparatus.

“Don’t be so grim,” said Tevos. 

Valern laced his fingers and leaned in to say, “I’m curious enough to humor him.” Sparatus waved a hand, rolling his eyes as he said, “Fine.” Tevos brightened. It was nice to have a little hope. She tapped into the call again, “Request granted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got really beefy, I had to split it up into three parts. Part 2 is done so I’ll post that soon. Part 3 is being overhauled because I’m adding another character to the scene. I realized they cannot NOT be there. Their ideas and lines are already present in the draft (voiced by other characters) so I shouldn’t take too long to correct it. Ah, the consequences of a fickle mind. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!


	23. Meeting Under the Galaxy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s time for the meeting with the Council! Things turn out not to be as straightforward as Nihlus thought. Both he and Shepard have do some serious on the spot persuasion if they want to make it through this round.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A snippet of part 2 survived into part 3. I’m glad I took the time to edit it and change things around. Enjoy!

Nihlus stared at the back of the Council guard. Their sleek black armor reflected the hall back at him, including himself, Shepard, and second guard that trailed behind them. Without his armor, he looked bizarrely small next to the commander. He had to remind himself that Shepard was tall for a human, making them about the same height. Still, the implied weakness bothered him. 

Nihlus switched to looking down at the floor. He tried to keep his poise, getting to sit had done him a lot of good but not enough. He still had his arm interlocked with Shepard’s to keep his balance, but there was a subtle jolt to his step. The effort it took to walk was exhausting, half his limbs were numb and weak, forcing the other half to over compensate. The irregularity annoyed him more than the headache and muscle strain, though. It’s not like his legs were injured. Shepard slowed down.

“Are you alright?” he whispered.

“It’s nothing really-” Nihlus winced. He was sure he could hold out until they got to the chambers, but his jaw locked with pain, muting him. Shepard stopped all together. The guards drifted away, then both gathered closer, watching. He hated having an audience for this. 

Instead of holding around the arm, Shepard shifted Nihlus’s weight onto his shoulder, letting Nihlus’s arm go round the back of his neck. Shepard then wrapped an arm around Nihlus’s back, completing the form for an assisted walk carry.

“Does that help?” asked Shepard.

The dead weight of his right side was lifted and muscles he didn’t realize were tense relaxed. His pride was bruised, but the relief more than made up for it. “Yes,” sighed Nihlus. “Thank you.”

They started forward again. Nihlus could feel Shepard watching his walking rhythm; the jolt was gone and he was moving easily again. Satisfied, Shepard looked away. It was quiet and empty, no one else lingering in the hall beyond the midway point. If he was confused as to why they were moving towards the start of the hall instead of the end to reach the chambers, he didn’t show it.

“How am I supposed to speak to the Council?” asked Shepard abruptly. Nihlus glanced at him, puzzled. His expression was oddly blank. Nihlus expected something more vulnerable or embarrassed.

“Speak to them as you would your ambassador,” he suggested and Shepard let slip a smile.

“With as much disrespect as possible?” 

“Just a notch below that,” said Nihlus. “I wouldn’t worry too much over formality.” Shepard frowned at that. “You don’t believe me,” added Nihlus.

Shepard shook his head and shifted to a neutral expression, “I don’t know the Councilors like you do.”

“I don’t think you need to, but if it’ll give you peace of mind...” said Nihlus. “What would you like to know?”

“Is Sparatus anti-human or just stubborn?”

Ah, he was ready with a question. He must’ve been thinking about it. “He’s scared,” said Nihlus. 

“What?” now Shepard really didn’t believe him. Maybe it was more obvious to a turian. 

“Sparatus has a strong position on the Council because of the military. The fact that humans stood their ground during the Relay 314 Incident, and their subsequent growth, suggests they can rival turians for the title of galactic defenders.”

Shepard gave him an incredulous look and said, “So you call the First Contact War an incident, too, huh.” 

A three month scuffle was hardly a war, but thank the spirits it didn’t last any longer than that, it should’ve never started to begin with. Nihlus merely said, “It’s how Sparatus sees it.” Then he continued as before, “In spite of his insecurity, he admires humans and their adaptability.”

“What about Tevos?” asked Shepard. “Is her outburst a one time thing or...?”

He really doesn’t know much about the Council, does he? Nihlus ignored the seed of worry and said, “Her personal involvement has riled her up, yes, but she approaches diplomacy with an emphasis on empathy rather than neutrality.”

“And Valern?” prompted Shepard. “I couldn’t get a good read on him for the situation.”

That’s fair, thought Nihlus. “As intended. He’s not as passive as he appears, though. He has an assortment of secret projects all created on passing whims. Amuse him and you’ll get his backing. Bore him and you’ll get nothing.”

“He sounds the most dangerous,” said Shepard and Nihlus almost laughed. 

“Really? I think he’s the most predictable.” 

They arrived at the elevator and the front guard touched the button to side as the doors opened. The color of the button shifted to blue and they were allowed inside. This was a blind step too far and Shepard whispered to him, “Did the Council leave?”

“This is the only entrance we’re allowed to see,” Nihlus whispered back. The elevator shuttered, went down during a few seconds, and the doors reopened into the start of the maze. It was dimly lit, but he could see more paths splintering off, walls tapering down and growing up from the floor. They went in and he saw from the corner of his eye how off put Shepard was by the structure. 

Nihlus recalled the first time he came through this way. It felt like he was walking through a canyon, the walls bulging and receding as if formed by rushing water, trailing off into different spouts. At the time, he locked his mandibles together and ground his teeth as he forced himself to go further in, ignoring the paranoia of ambush as it clawed at his insides. He thought there might be a last test, one final fight he’d have to perform to impress the Council. Saren offered him a gummy treat, like a parent consoling a child. The jab made him flare his mandibles with a hiss and he went ahead of Saren, walking shoulder to shoulder with the guard until they got to the Council. Looking back on it now, that was probably the intended effect. The passing thought of Saren made his wounds itch. 

He checked in on Shepard again. He was alert, eyes wide and scanning around them. Besides that he was calm, his body moving in tandem with Nihlus the same way as before. But he knew better than to take that as face value. Nihlus was tempted to make a similar jab to make the commander angry rather than afraid, but Shepard wasn’t like him. He’d have to think of something else.

Then they passed through a slice of darkness, which felt far more disorientating than Nihlus remembered, and entered into a path with tall grey walls lined with blue lights. The hallway started to curve to the left and they followed the bend until it ended at a large black metal door. He felt Shepard shudder as it came into view. It was double sided, each engrained with a mass relay; the left relay pointed downwards and the right relay pointed upwards. Where the doors met at the middle there was a cocoon shape. It looked like the Citadel when the arms were closed. Whether it was original to the protheans or was later added by the Council species he wasn’t sure. There were guards, another two turians, stationed on either side of the doors.

Their escort stood obediently to the side when they reached the end, letting the door guards take over. Shepard flinched, squeezing Nihlus with the arm he’d wrapped around his back. (chance for interaction, maybe give names and rank. Squeeze him back!) The one on the right said, “You may proceed.” 

The doors shifted and pulled apart, revealing a small room with a set of standard issue sliding doors. While anticlimactic at first glance, this was the nerve wracking part. Shepard stepped in gingerly with Nihlus.

“Brace yourself,” Nihlus whispered quickly. The main doors slammed together, making them both jump, and sealed shut with a hiss of suction. The room went pitch black and it took him a moment to hear anything over his heart beating fast in his chest. It was a juvenile scare tactic but an effective one. He noticed Shepard’s breathing was shaky and uneven. There was a high pitch sound and a pink light flashed over them and disappeared. A second wave of light came, a white square grid this time, methodically working its way from head to toe. It did not emit ambient light, so Nihlus could only make out the form of Shepard’s body as it inched down.

“Are you alright?” Nihlus asked as a growing shiver took over the commander.

“No,” Shepard answered with a breathy laugh. “I’ve got a million questions with no time for answers.”

“You’ve got time for one.” The light was down at their chests. 

Shepard took in a long breath and steadied his breathing. After an eye blink, he asked, “Do you think Udina and Anderson have noticed I’m gone by now?”

“Probably,” said Nihlus. He waited for more. He stared at the light as it continued downwards, like watching a fire slowly go out. It wasn’t until to it got to his thigh that Shepard asked, “Do you think I’ll still have a job by the time I’m done with Council?” 

Nihlus thought carefully about his answer. What did Shepard need? Why this particular question? He thought back to when they first met in the engine room. He needed to placate Shepard like before, not goad him. He couldn’t distract him, but maybe...

“No,” said Nihlus flatly and Shepard stiffened. Then, in a lighter tone, he added, “I think you’ll have ~two~ jobs.”

Shepard snorted. He called him a dick under his breath with an easy chuckle and his grip around Nihlus’s back loosened up. 

Nihlus’s face stung as he smiled, but he didn’t care. It felt good. He hadn’t realized just how he needed that small victory after losing so much. The light inched down to their feet and shut off. Then there was a cheerful beep as the doors opened.

Nihlus flinched against the flood of light, holding up his free hand in front of his eyes. He blinked away the spots in his vision. The Winter Path glowed ahead of him, bright and beautiful. It got him every time. He remembered humans called it the Milky Way, which was oddly adorable. It made him think of a cosmic bucket being knocked over, haphazardly spilling out billions upon billions of stars. This was perhaps more truthful to the random nature of space than a single set path. When his eyes adjusted, the illusion dissipated to reveal the trail of metal connected to each light. They led to an iron tree that was twisted and bent, splaying out its branches to present the galaxy. Below it was the white circular table with all three councilors seated behind it, just as always. 

Tevos stood up from the center, concerned, “Specter?” 

Right, Shepard was still holding him up. He’d forgotten how it would look from the outside. Tevos went around the Council table, sliding a hand along Sparatus’s shoulder as she passed, prompting him to get up and follow her. 

“I underestimated the effort of walking it seems,” said Nihlus with a laid back laugh. “If you’d permit me to sit this time?”

“Of course,” said Tevos, slowing down when Sparatus passed her. He silently took up Nihlus’s left side and helped Shepard guide him to Valern’s favorite couch. When Sparatus pulled away, Nihlus saw Tevos was biting her lip, conflicted. 

“Maybe we should schedule this for later,” she offered. 

“If we do that, I suspect the Alliance will take over and we’ll be back right where we started,” said Sparatus. He looked down at Nihlus, “Are you well enough to continue?”

Shepard slid his arm out from behind Nihlus back, allowing him to sit down. He sighed. Soft and cushy: there was a reason this couch was Valern’s favorite. 

“I wouldn’t be here otherwise,” said Nihlus as he tugged Shepard into sitting with him. The commander complied, bouncing a little as he landed. Nihlus added, “He’ll do most of the talking anyway, I’m just a consultant.”

Tevos looked unconvinced, but she sat down in the center of the opposite couch, crossing her legs and resting her elbow along the top of the cushion. She absentmindedly fiddled with the back of her head under the tentacles, pensive.

“Was excluding Ambassador Udina your idea or...” Tevos glanced over towards Shepard. She pulled her legs in as Sparatus passed to join her, rounding the low stone table between them. 

“That hardly matters,” said Sparatus. He sat all the way to left, resting his weight on the arm of the couch. “What’s less obvious is why you didn’t bring your captain.”

Nothing. 

Nihlus looked at Shepard. He sat poised on the edge of his seat, back straight and shoulders squared. He looked to the other end of the room, towards the galaxy tree.

“Will you be joining us, Councilor Valern?” asked Shepard. Valern frowned from his seat at the Council table. He begrudgingly got up, mumbling about having just sat down. With a huff, he plopped himself next to Tevos on her right.

“Councilor Sparatus,” began Shepard. Si-kah, so formal! But perhaps he had to be since he was human. “You believe it’s too soon for there to be a human Specter, correct?”

Nihlus held his breath. Why would you start with that? At least give them the chance to like you first! They don’t know you like I do, thought Nihlus. He should have given Shepard a crash course on how to talk to the Council, he’d taken for granted how lax they were with him. Tevos threw Nihlus a disappointed look. He tilted his head to the side with wide eyes, curious, like he didn’t know what she meant.

Sparatus sneered, “I don’t see how that relates to Anderson.” 

“Humor me?” implored Shepard. 

“You’re starting awfully bold, Commander,” said Sparatus, his expression veering between impressed and disgusted. “But yes, you are correct.”

“I agree with you,” said Shepard plainly.

“Commander,” said Nihlus through his teeth with a halfhearted laugh. Shepard, without breaking eye contact with Sparatus, raised the fingers of his right hand from his lap, a subtle sign to stop. He continued, “Which is why I ask that I temporarily be made a Specter.”

Sparatus scoffed, “The Alliance would never agree to that.”

“I’m not here for the Alliance,” said Shepard and pulled up his omni tool before anyone could respond. “Here’s a team for your review.” He sent three windows to be displayed on the stone table. The councilors stared down at the pictures next to the written text, stunned from the whiplash. Or at least, Tevos and Sparatus did.

Valern chuckled, “These are all people present in the hall. Curious of you to propose such lazy pickings.”

“I recommended them, actually,” said Nihlus and Valern became quiet.

Without skipping a beat Shepard went on, “Combined with my team from Eden Prime, they make a solid composition; vanguard, infiltrator, and an engineer. They can act as a second team or work in rotation to prevent exhaustion.” 

“But why these particular three?” asked Tevos, finding her foothold in the conversation again. Sparatus held back and settled into observing for now. Nihlus was surprised by the display of patience. It meant Sparatus would at least entertain the idea of using Shepard.

“They’re all personally motivated, which I prefer,” Shepard pulled up three smaller windows. “I asked if they would be interested in tracking down Saren sans credits and they all replied yes. They will have salaries, of course.”

Nihlus side eyed Sparatus and added, “Just because you can take advantage of someone doesn’t mean you should, right?” The councilor frowned at him for bringing up old blood but said nothing.

Shepard dashed those windows away and rested his elbows on his knees, leaning over the dossiers he laid out. “They serve a secondary function that you’ll be interested in, Councilor Tevos.” 

“Oh?” she leaned forward as well, peering down curiously at the table.

Shepard looked over his shoulder up at Nihlus, “Correct me if I get something wrong?”

“Sure,” said Nihlus, surprised. What an odd thing to say in front of the Council, but he was glad to be of help. Shepard pulled up and zoomed in on the appropriate window for the first person.

“Wrex is set to become the chief of clan Urdnot on Tuchanka. Having a-”

“Wait,” Tevos held up a hand. “How do you know this?”

“I let him have access to the Specter network,” said Nihlus. That won him glares from all three councilors. He waved away their concerns with a hand and turned his head to look at the galaxy tree, showing off the damaged side of his face, “The galaxy’s short on time. You can be mad at me after you’ve heard the commander out, can’t you?”

He turned back and the councilors avoided eye contact with him. Tevos tutted. 

“Fine,” she said. “Go on.”

Shepard seemed doubtful of it being ‘fine’, but he did as asked, “Having a krogan with that kind of influence help bring down a galactic threat, along side a Council Specter, would be a step forward from the rebellions. A small step, but a step none the less.”

“I see,” whispered Tevos. She pointed at the middle dossier. “What’s the secondary purpose of the quarian?”

“She’s the daughter of one of the flotilla’s generals. While she won’t inherit the role, inclusion of a quarian of her status will make waves with the rest of the flotilla,” answered Shepard. Si-kah, that needed a better lead up, the Council won’t just-

Tevos balked, “You mean to ally with them? Commander, they made the geth.” 

“It would be smart to mend relations with the quarians,” quickly interceded Nihlus. Out the corner of his eye he saw Shepard knit his brows and he stopped talking. 

Shepard gave him a curt nod of appreciation and continued, “They know the geth better than any other species in the galaxy. To dismiss them as an ally because they created our adversary would be out of bias, not strategy. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, after all.”

“Are you suggesting we make them a house species again?” asked Tevos.

“Uh,” Shepard’s eyes darted to Nihlus, that wasn’t something they’d discussed. Now he could step in.

“Maybe,” said Nihlus with a shrug. “It was brash of the former Council to exile the quarians. Abandoning them in their time of need as punishment, and banning AI research, has only pushed such dangerous projects behind closed doors. I doubt any of the species have truly respected the ban.”

Tevos scoffed, denial on the tip of her tongue, when a chuckle distracted her. Valern covered his mouth as the attention moved to him.

“Are you insinuating that research has continued by the Council species as well?” he asked.

“It would be naive to believe otherwise,” said Nihlus. He watched Valern let his fingers slip to the side, revealing a coy smile.

“Either way,” said Shepard loudly, bringing everyone’s attention back. “The geth’s involvement is going to sour the public opinion of quarians even further. If Tali plays a key role in stopping the geth, it might soften the blow.” 

“You’re concerned with how this will effect the quarians?” asked Tevos.

“Of course,” said Shepard, confused by her tone. “The geth attack on Eden Prime was devastating, yes, but we can rebuild again. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to lose my homeworld. Can you?” 

Tevos looked embarrassed. To be outclassed on empathy by a human... Nihlus felt the muscles connected to his mandible flex as he fought back a smile. 

Shepard shook his head, “Politics aside, I want Tali on the team for her expertise on the geth, she’d been an invaluable asset.”

“Right,” Tevos brushed past her misstep and gestured to the last person. “What about the C-Sec investigator? He has no major connections I can see.”

“I’m glad you asked,” Shepard got another window ready but waited to set it down. “A turian presence would send a much needed message of unity after Saren’s attack. Vakarian is chafing under the regulations of C-Sec; he’s got initiative and good instincts, with a mentor and the right training he has the makings of a Specter.” He put the new dossier down. “Which ties into my last request.”

“Nihlus Kryik?” she read out loud. That caught Sparatus’s attention and his head tilted back in surprise to see Shepard better. Tevos looked incredulously at Nihlus, “What is this?”

He held up his hands, “I said I was a consultant, didn’t I?”

“I’m bringing him in to help strategize against Saren,” explained Shepard. “For his secondary function, while he can’t participate in ground missions, he can help train Vakarian since I’ll be busy with... the galaxy, I guess would be a way of putting it.” Shepard retracted, sitting up again. “And that’s the whole team.”

Sparatus looked suspicious but contemplative. Tevos was as pleased as a serenity flower in moonlight. She leaned back and cocked her head to the side, “I didn’t expect such consideration from you, Commander.” She grinned. “You’re refreshing to talk to after your ambassador.”

“Thanks?” said Shepard.

“What about this temporary status you offered,” said Sparatus, done biding his time. “How would it work?”

Shepard took the question in stride, “As long as Saren and the geth are active, the Reapers are an imminent threat. Once that threat is eliminated, I would leave the Specters.”

“Really now,” scoffed Sparatus.

“Yes,” replied Shepard flatly.

“What does the Alliance gain from this?”

“A Specter.”

“Temporarily,” reminded Sparatus.

“The Alliance doesn’t know that,” said Shepard and Sparatus coughed a laugh.

“Do you even want to be a Specter?” he asked.

“No.”

Nihlus winced. Sparatus was about to say something, but gave up with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. After an eye blink, he started over.

“I’m afraid I don’t understand you, Shepard,” he began. “If you’re not here out of loyalty to the Alliance, and you’re not here for your own ambition, why are you here? Why go to these lengths?” 

Shepard let his exhaustion show through, “That’s a complicated question for me to answer.” His hand rested in the other, limp in his lap. He squeezed both into a single core of strength, “What I can say is this; it’s impossible for me to ignore the severity of what’s at stake. I hate that I’m giving Udina and Anderson exactly what they want-” He smiled weakly. “-but at least they’ll hate it, too.” 

“Is that really all you get out of this?” asked Sparatus.

“You mean besides preventing the possible destruction of all life as we know it?” Shepard laughed airily. “Yes. Beyond that, I have no interest in being the first human Specter.”

Sparatus used the arm he was leaning on to prop up his head. He squinted at Shepard, trying to see beneath his skin. “Putting circumstances aside, would you want there to be a human Specter?” he asked.

“No, not yet.”

Oh? Nihlus didn’t think Shepard’s resistance went that far. Sparatus’s mandibles clacked, exasperated, but he collected himself, “Explain.”

Shepard banished the dossiers and turned off his omni tool, “It’s too soon for humanity to be given that honor, but that’s the Council’s fault, not ours.” 

Sparatus recoiled, offended. He opened his mouth but no sound came out. His anger melted into a silent confusion as he actually registered what was said. He looked to Nihlus for explanation, but Nihlus stared back like what Shepard had said was completely natural.

Except Nihlus had no idea what Shepard was talking about. This wasn’t a part of what they’d discussed; the team’s secondary purpose was as far as they’d gotten for a political angle to engage the Council. Nihlus let his head roll lazily to the side to look at the commander. He didn’t want the councilors to notice him desperately trying to figure out what was going on. 

Shepard touched the fingers of one hand to the wrist of the other. He got the better of his tick and laced his hands together to keep from popping his joints. Nihlus decided to take that as a good sign; Shepard knew he was playing a dangerous game

“Oh~ho?” Valern tittered. “It’s not often Sparatus is speechless.” He ignored his colleague’s hiss of indignation. “You’ll have to clarify.”

“Of course,” said Shepard, his voice quieter than before. He cleared his throat. “Humans are perceived as asking for too much because the Council has given so little to the house species. We’re challenging the status quo, inciting other species to make their own demands that are long overdue.” Here he stopped to consider his wording. “One could perceive-” he began kindly. “-holding humanity back not as respecting the social hierarchy of the house, but as the Council maintaining the power of, and restricting it to, their own species.” 

Nihlus blinked, dumbfounded by the sheer boldness of the claim. Sparatus turned to Tevos with a wordless plea. She had nothing to offer, frozen in shock. But Valern, as always, was quicker to bounce back. 

“What an interesting opinion your candidate has, Specter,” noted Valern. He cocked his head to side. “Care to comment?”

Nihlus snapped to attention, his blood burning like acid; they dared to call his judgement into question? Not one to back down from a fight, he said, “Shepard’s right. I can help explain if his meaning eludes you.” 

Valern pursed his lips. In his peripheral he saw Shepard let out a breath he’d been holding. Nihlus flashed him a hint of a smile to reassure him and returned to crossing sabers with Valern.

“The arrival of humans has only exasperated a preexisting issue,” he continued. “The asari, salarians, and turians have had a monopoly on the Council seats for more than a thousand years. For the Council to only represent three species when there’s a total of eight, eleven if you count those exiled, reeks of corruption.”

Valern’s face fell, disturbed, but then he chuckled and asked, “So you’re fine with serving under a corrupt government?”

There was a small pop and Shepard went rigid. He’d unlaced his fingers and popped one of the smaller joints, his nerves overwhelming his discipline. Nihlus wondered if throwing the word ‘corruption’ into the mix was one step too far for the commander. Funny what did and didn’t cross the line with him. Before Valern could look for the source of the sound, Nihlus kept talking.

“There is no such thing as a government without corruption; it’s a matter of severity and how much damage is inflicted by it,” his tone light was lighter this time. “I’d take Council space over the terminus systems or attican traverse any day, but that doesn’t change the fact that a new species needs to be added to the Council roster.” 

Valern steepled his fingers, “Who do you think should be added first then, hmm?” He switched away from Nihlus, smelling fear in the air. “Commander Shepard?”

Shepard shook his head, “I’d really rather-”

“Come on, Commander,” said Valern. “You made such a big splash, you can’t be afraid of getting a little wet now. Make a guess.”

Shepard’s fingers picked at each other as he weighed his options. Nihlus grimaced inwardly. He doubted Shepard could stand his ground in the political arena- especially against someone like Valern. 

“The volus?” offered Shepard tentatively.

“The thought is nice,” Valern smirked. “But they have nothing to add to the fleet, as Sparatus would be quick to tell you if he could find his tongue again.” 

Sparatus bristled and shot upwards, “You insolent-”

“Don’t,” growled Tevos. She placed a hand on his chest and gently pushed. Sparatus sat back down, flexing his talons open and closed. Tevos gave him a sympathetic smile then glared at Valern. He covered his mouth with a hand, but it hardly hid his wicked smile. 

“Sorry,” he whispered, not sorry at all. Tevos rolled her eyes, then turned to Shepard and asked, “Councilor Valern’s goading aside; do you have a counter argument, Commander?” 

“They were... third to arrive... at the Citadel?” said Shepard, floundering like a day one recruit who hadn’t read the manual. It was painful for Nihlus to watch; he raced to think up a rescue plan. But then Shepard paused and grew serious. His voice came out firmer this time, “The volus may not be able to contribute to defense, but the economic structure they created is not only used in Council space, but across the entire galaxy. Nothing has been achieved on that scale by any other species since the prothean empire.”

The three councilors were taken aback by this, even Nihlus. Credits had been used for so long that having an individual currency was unthinkable. However, there were humans still alive who remembered using the Earth and colony currencies and witnessed the shift over to credits. Of course it’d be a human to point out the obvious everyone else had become blind to. The councilors were interested to hear more, but it didn’t look like Shepard knew how to follow up his point. He returned to picking at his fingers, his firm expression crumbling as the silence grew awkward. 

Nihlus bumped his shoulder into Shepard’s and said, “Which proves it takes more than an army to hold a society together.” Then he turned to address the Council. “The volus’s lacking military didn’t stop them from establishing a trade network between all the species. The fleet may protect Council space, but it wouldn’t exist without the unified banking system created and facilitated by the volus. To only value militant strength, from you, Valern-” he shot him an icy look “-is alarmingly shortsighted. It also devalues the volus’s efforts to keep the galactic economy balanced, especially under a government with such obvious favoritism.”

That got him the ire of the councilors again, but more gently this time. Nihlus checked on Shepard. He had perked up, grabbing onto the lifeline Nihlus had set out for him.

“Diplomatically speaking,” Shepard added. “The fact that the Council can even use credits in dealing with the terminus systems is thanks to the volus maintaining their value and preventing a rival currency from taking its place. To keep the volus out of the Council risks them weaponizing the economy against you. The fact they haven’t yet may be attributed to their reliance on the turian military, though I doubt they will stay complacent for long as humans increase their demands.” 

Valern cackled and clapped his hands together, “Behold, he thinks! And here I thought you were guessing when you volunteered the volus.”

Shepard shrunk away, “I’d prefer to keep to the topic of the mission, if that’s alright.”

“Now you’re being cruel,” said Valern. “Tell me; why, how, when, and where did you come by these opinions, my dear Shepard?”

He shrugged meekly. 

Valern wagged a finger at him, “You will not stay a mystery for long, mark my words.” He leaned forward to catch Sparatus’s attention, “He’s placated all your woes. I see no reason to prolong your protest.”

All of them? Impossible. They’d barely even spoken to him. Sparatus gave Valern a sharp side eye and muttered, “I’m not so sure.” 

Valern slumped in his seat with a sigh, finished with the conversation, and Shepard relaxed. Nihlus recalled his comment that the salarian councilor was the most dangerous of the three. Still, it felt backwards that Shepard was more willing to go talon to talon with Sparatus than Valern. 

Shepard asked pleasantly, “What are your concerns, Sparatus?”

The councilor was startled by his directness. Nihlus wondered if it was a misstep for Shepard to emulate him and drop the title, but Sparatus did not correct him. Instead, he seemed more engaged. “How do you intend to carry out the mission?” he asked, his voice missing the sting he’d adopted for Valern.

Shepard tensed, his head starting to turn towards Nihlus, but then he righted himself and replied honestly, “There’s not much I can say on that before I get more information. Until then, I need to prepare and modify the Normandy to house my crew.”

“How much time would that take?” asked Sparatus.

“A week to prep for the voyage. I’m not having anyone die of food poisoning because I got ahead of myself.” 

“Knowing Saren, it’ll take about a month before a lead pops up,” said Nihlus. “In the mean time, the teams can be taken out on minor assignments to build coordination.”

“If not-,” added Shepard. “-we’ll learn as we go, the similarity in classes will bridge the gap.”

Sparatus’s mandibles wavered and he turned towards the doors, thinking. His eyes flickered as he calculated. Nihlus felt every agonizing second as it passed. He had to stop himself from grinding his teeth. How else could he support Shepard? Did they miss something? Did he push the corruption angle too far? What if-

Sparatus looked back at Shepard coldly, then he gradually warmed, the squareness of his shoulders rounding and his eyes brightening. Nihlus locked his mandibles. The release of stress bubbled up in his throat and he fought the bark of laughter down to a dry muffled cough. Shepard checked on him, alarmed, then turned back at the sound of Sparatus standing up. 

The councilor placed himself to the side of the sitting area, looming over them. He leaned forward, reaching out to Shepard with an open hand. The commander raised his own hand but hesitated. After swallowing down hard, he accepted, letting Sparatus help pull him up into a standing position. Once upright, Sparatus didn’t let go of him. Instead, his hold tightened and he said, “Alright.”

“Alright?” Shepard repeated back warily.

Sparatus let him have the smallest sliver of smile, “Welcome to the Specters.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it was worth the wait! I’ve been editing this part in conjunction with the last chapter for so long ;_;  
> I’ve been looking forward to getting to the write the next chapter, but now that I’m here I’ve forgotten how to write something new instead of editing what’s already written. Ah! The trials and tribulations of writing~ It might be a while before I update the story again.
> 
> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed!


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